I don’t know exactly why or how it happens, but I’ve noticed that a lot of my married or committed friends are much more than wives or girlfriends to their partners. They are nurses, social coordinators, publicists, receptionists, and therapists. Men can become quite dependent on their partners. I’m not going to lie—it’s rather cute. Any time I leave town for a few days, I can expect a few panicked phone calls from my partner about how to handle a pretty basic task that it turns out I usually handle for him. Either that or he has no clue where a critical item is because, even though I’ve tried to tell him over and over again where I put things, he only pretends to listen, keeps watching television, and subconsciously decides he’ll just ask me again when he needs that thing. To be fair, my partner is there for me in just as many ways. Here are funny and cute ways men become SO reliant on their partners.
You make the doctor’s appointments
My boyfriend had not had a checkup in eight years when we met. Eight years. I begged and pleaded with him to make one. He wouldn’t. Then he got some sort of illness that lasted far too long so I finally stole his calendar, stole his insurance card, did my own research, called around, and made him the damn appointment.
You check about allergens
My partner is allergic to gluten and dairy but he doesn’t think it’s very “masculine” to admit that. That means at restaurants, I order the burger with no cheese and a gluten-free bun, he orders the burger with the regular bun and cheddar, and we swap when the food arrives—to save his ultra manly reputation.
You run their social calendar
We would never do anything if I didn’t take charge of the social calendar. When holidays like Labor Day or Halloween are rolling around, my boyfriend always says he doesn’t have time or is too stressed to talk about our plans. Then if I don’t take over and make plans, he complains that day that he’s so sad we didn’t do anything fun.
You know where the essentials are
Coffee, spare toilet paper, the laundry room key, sunscreen, floss…I’m the only one who knows where these things are. I’ve told my boyfriend where they are but, he still needs to call me, helpless, when I leave town and he can’t find anything.
You ease their insecurities
My partner, like everyone, has a lot of insecurities about his future—particularly his career. I think when women have these we kind of just acknowledge them, let them pass, and keep working hard. Men, however, seem to need their partners to listen to them vent about these, and then tell them why it will all be okay.
And boost their confidence
Girlfriends and wives are also pep-talkers. Truly, most of us could probably have careers as motivational speakers at this point. You know it’s true.
You put food in the house
There would not be food in this house if I didn’t make it so. My boyfriend goes to the grocery store, twice a day. He buys food just for lunch, he goes home, and then he returns to the store to buy food just for dinner. And guess whose groceries he eats when he realizes he wants snacks? Or breakfast? Or when he doesn’t have time to go to the store twice a day to get one single item.
You manage social interactions
There are humans with whom I just know it’d be best that my partner not interact. I will bend over backwards to distract this person, and push this person off on that one, to make sure my partner doesn’t wind up talking to this person at a party because I know it will result in a fight.
You nurse their hangovers
Men become babies when they’re hungover. They need someone to sit with them, pet their head, snuggle them, bring them beverages, bring them food, and assure them that they won’t feel this way forever.
You tuck them in
If you live with a man then you know that men like to be tucked in. It doesn’t matter what you’re in the middle of—the moment they get into bed you hear that call. Babbbby. Baaaabe. BABE! Can you tuck me in please?
You’re the “reason” they have to go home
We’re the scapegoats, too. No man past the age of 37 actually wants to be out until 2am. But they all have to pretend to. So they tell their friends they have to go home because their partner is making them.
You keep the peace
If something comes up with a neighbor or our landlord, I talk to them before my partner gets to them. I know he’ll go in their a little too hot-headed and burn the bridge. Women just have a softer way of handling those issues.
You wait on hold
My boyfriend hates to wait on hold. I, of course, love to wait on hold (NOT!) so I wait on hold for him until his doctor/accountant/bank picks up the phone. Then I give it to him.
You make the reservations
My boyfriend isn’t big on planning (as I mentioned before) but I mean he really isn’t into it. He never wants to look into restaurants/tickets/hotels until the last minute. But I know things sell out and prices go up. So I just have to book these things, whether he approves of my choices or not, or else we’d be sh*t out of luck when the day came around.
You double-check their reservations
When I do let my partner make reservations I have to double-check his work. Women are just a bit more detail-oriented. I check the neighborhood where he booked a hotel to make sure people don’t get mugged there all of the time. I make sure the concert is dog-friendly since we don’t have a dog-sitter that night.