Signs Your Family Is Ruining Your Relationship
Maintaining a successful relationship is tough enough to achieve on your own, so when you have outside sources (in this case family) doing everything they can to sabotage your union, the odds are stacked against you, to say the least.
If your man is a mama’s boy, it’s likely he’ll put her needs above everyone else’s — including yours. If your dad is convinced no one is good enough for his baby girl, him dropping that little note in your ear from time to time could eventually have you questioning whether your partner is the one. And we haven’t even gotten into sibling drama, nosy aunties, and cousins who start problems every family gathering. Need a little more proof that your family is doing more harm than good to your relationship? Check out these signs and see if anything on this list rings true.
They’re Very Intrusive
We understand that sometimes it’s hard for family members to give you the respect you deserve because they are so used to seeing you as a child. However, there comes a time when you have to put your foot down and demand things change.
This is especially true when you have family who are repeatedly intrusive in your relationship. Whether they continuously pop up to your home unannounced, insert themselves into the inner-workings of your relationship without being asked, or find ways to make a moment about you and your partner somehow about them, constant intrusion is a relationship killer.
They Constantly Speak Negatively About Your Partner
If you family never misses the opportunity to speak negatively about your partner, it’s up to you stop it in its tracks or it will continue to get out of hand. Sure, you may be hesitant to approach your family out of fear of disrespect…but disrespect is exactly what they’re showing your partner. This can cause serious problems in your relationship because your partner is bound to feel like you don’t have their back and put your family’s feelings before theirs.
They Still Treat You Like A Child
Honestly, this is something that will be hard to overcome, especially if it’s been this way your whole life. Your adult family members are so used to you being a child that it’s almost impossible for them to see you any other way. This means that they not only treat you like a child, they also devalue your relationship by not taking it seriously.
Even if you know that their behavior won’t change overnight, you still have to stand up for yourself and your relationship and let them know that you are an adult and capable of running your own life.
They Bombard You With Guilt Trips
Making you feel guilty for missing family functions, missing regular visits or not calling enough, are just a ways your family uses its secret weapon of the guilt trip. Don’t let them do it. Apologize when necessary, but don’t feel guilty for living your life and prioritizing your relationship.
They’re Overly Critical
Your family can often be more critical than a stranger and a lot of times we take the criticism because we’re used to it. Remember there is a distinct difference between being overly critical and offering your opinion on things. If your family’s critiques are mostly negative and they make you feel bad about yourself, then you have to address it immediately.
Express to them that what and how they say things about you hurts your feelings. If their critiques of you also include your relationship, then address that as well. You could be in a bad relationship, but your family’s constant criticism of it isn’t going to make you end it any faster.
They Project Their Relationship Issues On You
If certain members of your family have a bad relationship history, it’s likely that they’ll project those issues on to you. Likening your partner to the unworthy exes in their past is both unfair to you and your significant other.
Your relationship is your own and you don’t need someone revisiting their past and negatively effecting your present. Make it clear that their issues are theirs and you are navigating through your relationship on your own terms.
They Readily Embarrass You In Front Of Your Partner
Now, on one hand it’s common for family members to discuss embarrassing things you did when you were a kid in front of your partner because most of the time it’s harmless. However, when your family members embarrass you due to their own behavior, that’s an entirely different story.
If you find that whenever you are around certain family members something totally embarrassing happens, causing your partner to give you the side-eye, then you might want to reevaluate how much time you spend around them. You don’t want your partner to think that the apple doesn’t fall from the tree and that you’re capable of embarrassing them too.
They’re Negative About Every Aspect Of Your Relationship
No matter how positive your relationship is, your family finds a way to turn it negative. If you’re raving about how in love you are, how you know this is “the one” and other sentiments of positivity in your relationship, but you’re constantly met with negativity, you have to step up and stop it.
There are a few ways to tackle this. One, is by simply not sharing any details of your relationship with your family, another way is to filter out exactly what you share. Whichever method you choose will likely help you to avoid negativity clouding a relationship you’re perfectly happy with.
They’re Too Overprotective
If you can’t make a move without your family being all in your business, then you are definitely dealing with overprotective behavior. It’s admirable that your family is so concerned with how you live your life and in this case, your relationship, but it’s too much.
Your partner may begin to feel that he’s in a relationship with your family instead of you because they insert themselves into your life so much. Tell them that while you appreciate the sentiment, they need to give you the space you need to live your life.
They Want You To Follow Their Relationship Path
Your family has a way of always wanting you to follow in their footsteps, even as it relates to relationships. If they got married and had kids at a certain age, they expect you to do the same. Or if they have a list of do’s and don’t’s they followed in their relationship, they want you to follow suit.
Your relationship is not a carbon copy of those in your family and you are free to set any rules in your relationship that you like. Don’t let your family pressure you into doing what they think is best, that decision is solely between you and your partner.