Signs You’re Not Ready To Get Married
For many, getting married is one of the biggest things to check off your life’s to-do list. Whether you’re the type who’s fantasized about your wedding day since you were a kid or have been obsessed with images of walking down the aisle ever since you’ve met your special someone, getting married is a very serious act that can easily consume you.
However, what happens when you’re finally on your way to the altar, but you aren’t exactly sure if it’s the right decision? Well, there are certain signs to look for that will give you a clear picture as to whether you’re really ready to get married, or not. Check out these signs and if any of them apply to you, you may need to pump the brakes on a potential wedding in the near future.
You’re More Focused On The Wedding Than The Marriage
As much as we try to avoid it, many women get so wrapped up in the actual wedding that they neglect to put the same care, effort and commitment into the marriage. It’s natural as a woman to go into extreme planning mode to ensure that you have the wedding you’ve always dreamed about, but you also have to be very conscious of the fact that you’re pledging your life to another person forever.
If the wedding is more important to you than the marriage, you are definitely not ready to get married at all. Instead save your money, take a step back and ask yourself what about marriage truly appeals to you. If you’re struggling to find the answers, now is not the time to say “I do.”
You’re Being Pressured By Those Around You
Yes, peer pressure still exists when you’re an adult, the only difference is that the pressure can often have more serious consequences, such as being pressured to get married when you’re not ready.
Whether the pressure is coming from your already married friends or your parents who are anxious to see you settle down, outside influences and judgement can easily prompt you to make a lifetime commitment to someone hastily instead of moving at your own pace. Ignore the opinions of others and follow what your heart says and if that means putting off marriage, then so be it.
You Feel Like Your Internal Clock Is Ticking
As women it’s very easy for us to feel like we’re racing against time to beat the internal clock we have telling us we’re getting too old to do something. Society, as well as family and friends are also guilty of making you feel like your time is running out to hit certain milestones.
After you reach a certain age you may start to go into panic mode because you’re not married, but you shouldn’t. Just because some people found their soulmates and got married earlier doesn’t mean that you won’t find the same at an older age. Stop focusing on a ticking clock and instead focus on finding a mate that truly completes you. If marriage is in the cards, it will come.
You’re Unwilling To Compromise
Even if you’ve never been married, you probably already know that one of the main components to a successful marriage is compromise. If you’re unwilling to compromise on things in your relationship, whether big or small, chances are you’re not ready for such an important commitment as marriage.
When you’re single you don’t have to compromise and even when you’re dating you may be able to get away with being uncompromising. However, a marriage is totally different, as it requires that love, respect and support of both parties. If you’re unwilling to do this, putting marriage off for the time being is probably best.
You Don’t Have A Solid Relationship Foundation
In order for any relationship to last there has to be a solid foundation, this is especially true within a marriage. A grounded foundation can help you get through the rough patches that occur in a relationship and you need your foundation to be rock-solid if you plan to get married.
To put it in simpler terms, if things are already shaky in your relationship getting marriage is definitely not the band-aid to fix it. Put your energy into to repairing the holes in your relationship first before you even think of exchanging vows.
Your Morals/Values Differ Greatly From Your Partner
It may be hard to believe, but you’d be surprised to learn how many couples don’t discuss their respective morals and values before getting married. This is a conversation that should be had early on in the relationship because if your morals and values differ greatly from your partner, then you need to decide if things should continue at all.
Issues like religion, disciplining children and family commitments can vary greatly between two people and if neither party is willing to change or at least compromise, marriage is not advised. Your morals and values are who you are and you shouldn’t feel like you have to change them just because you so desperately want to get married.
You’re Still Attracted To Others
We’re all human and there are definitely certain times when you see someone attractive, you look and admire, but there is a huge difference between acknowledging someone good-looking and being completely attracted to someone else besides your partner.
This is a gateway to cheating and you shouldn’t go into a marriage when you are still so easily tempted by others. Actually, you might need to be single for awhile until you get the attraction to others out of your system because if not, all of your relationships are likely to fail.
Your Relationship Lacks The Proper Amount Of Trust
If you don’t have trust, what do you have? Trust is one of the most crucial components to a successful relationship and you need it if you want your marriage to last. Regardless of the reason why the trust in your relationship is lacking or nonexistent, it needs to be repaired before you even think about getting married.
Perhaps couples counseling, where you both can speak freely about the issues in your relationship without judgement or interruption, is an avenue you should seek in an effort to strengthen the bonds of your relationship if you do indeed desire to be married eventually.
You And Your Partner Differ On Having Children
This is another serious issue that should be addressed early on in a relationship, certainly before you decide to get married. Wanting to have children or not and deciding when to have them are some of the top reasons marriages fail. If you want to avoid being a statistic, you both need to be on the same page before you get married.
Additionally, it’s also never a good idea to hope your partner will change their mind regarding their stance on children. This means, for instance, if they’ve explicitly stated that they don’t want them, don’t make plans to get pregnant anyway hoping they’ll change. If they do indeed change their views on wanting children, let them come to you with the decision, don’t pressure them into it.
You Don’t Know Your Partner Well Enough
It happens. You get so swept up in the overwhelming and intoxicating feelings of love that you decide on a permanent commitment like marriage when you don’t even really know the person.
Sometimes hasty decisions can work out, but they rarely do when they involve marriage. If you’re already engaged after a few months or less than a year, slow down on the wedding planning and take time to truly get to know each other. Relationships aren’t all slow kisses and happy times, and you need to allow the fog of new love to wear off before you make the lifetime commitment of marriage.