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My boyfriend and I were out for a double date night with another couple the other night. When dinner was over I ordered us all a Lyft to go home. Or at least, I thought I had. We waited 15 minutes before I realized I’d never actually pushed “Request.” Then, when the Lyft arrived, we realized I’d accidentally sent it five blocks away. My boyfriend was being understanding enough but he was exhausted and a little over my mistakes. When we got in the car, he said, “Boo—do you want to just go ahead and double check you put the right destination in?” And I giggled and said, “Yeah—that’s fair after what just happened.” And my friend was really surprised—she said, “You two are so sweet to each other!” I forget that, in some couples, a little suggestion that one person might be, er, out to lunch could start a huge fight. But not with us. It’s pretty important to us to be able to give constructive feedback, without fear of a fight. Here is how happy couples give constructive criticism.
Always use a sweet tone
We always give a note with a sweet tone. We don’t raise our voices, use a snarky tone, use sarcasm, or use an accusatory tone. When my boyfriend asked me to double check that I’d put the destination in the Lyft app wrong—or when he tells me I’ve left a lot of clothes on the floor—he uses a sweet, soft tone.
