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Remember when Ciara and Russell first started dating and the pictures of her, Russell and Baby Future were floating all around the internet, the narrative was about whether or not it was appropriate to have this new man around Future’s son. Now that the two are married, and Russell is clearly helping to raise Baby Future, people are focused on Russell’s corniness. So it seemed to be that Ciara was off the hook.

But a recent Facebook post from a very embittered man showed that perhaps that’s not the case.

Ladies, especially the young ones out there, here’s a pro tip for y’all. If a man has to announce and declare himself to be a “good dude,” then he’s probably not. This is a good life principle. Barack and Michelle Obama, a couple who have four Ivy-league degrees between them, never stood on any platform and told the American people that they were smart. Meanwhile Donald Trump—who struggles to string together sentences using multi-syllabic words, devoid of spelling/grammatical errors, has made sure to mention his intelligence more than once. What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained.

I get the sense that a lot of men describe themselves as good dudes because they meet minimum requirements. They have a job. So they’re a good dude. They pay their own bills so they’re a good dude. They don’t hit women so they’re a good dude. They don’t cheat so they’re a good dude. But while men are celebrated for doing what we’re all supposed to, it takes more than that to be a good dude. I’m reminded of a tweet that I stumbled across on the internet:

Some men are emotionally unavailable, gaslight women, view women as property to which they’re entitled. And quiet as it’s kept there are some men who love what a woman can do for them or how they make them feel but they actually hate women themselves. Judging by the words used in this post, I wouldn’t be surprised if this man fit comfortably into that last category. He diminishes Ciara to a “worn out” vagina. And wants for her “live and die” with the poor dating choices she’s made in the past. In fact, he suggests because Ciara has dated and likely had sex with several men, Russell has married down by choosing her. He associates her entire worth to her body, as if her character had nothing to do with the reason Russell, and a few men before him—including Future, found her to be a suitable partner.

But it’s clear this is about more than Ciara. This is about the “hoes” she’s given hope to. It’s about the woman who likely overlooked him. And the feelings of confusion and rejection that still have him shook.

While I strongly doubt it, there is a chance that this man really is a “good dude.” But what these so-called “good dudes,” need to learn is that their morality, their character doesn’t guarantee them the access of affections to any woman they desire. One of the biggest tenants of misogyny is the notion that men have the right to control and dedicate women’s behavior—even something as personal and complex as falling in love. And I’m sorry boo, boo, life just doesn’t work like that.

Which brings me back to the claim that this man isn’t as good as he thinks he is. A “good dude” wouldn’t be offended by Ciara’s glow up. A good dude wouldn’t want women to suffer eternally for picking the wrong men. A good dude would respect a woman’s decision to choose the man she wants to be with, even if his feelings are hurt in the process.

If there’s one thing, I would say to this dude, I would borrow words “Insecure’s” Tasha, “You a f*ck n*gga who thinks he’s a good dude.”

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at She is also the author of “Bettah Days” and the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.
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