Friends You Need To Keep And Friends You Need To Ditch
Maybe it’s my age, the time of year, the alignment of the stars, or the hormones in my new birth control, but I’ve been doing a bit of a friends cleansing lately. I’m certainly not formally breaking up with friends but, I’m purposefully giving them less of my time and consciously making more time for friends who I believe are better for me. I mean, I’m very busy—aren’t we all? I don’t even have enough time for my absolutely favorite people—isn’t that true for you, too? So then why should we dedicate any of our rare and precious spare time to anyone who makes us feel anything other than happy, positive, energized, motivated, inspired, and hopeful? If you think about it, you probably do, unfortunately, give some people who don’t make you feel that way your time. So, stop it today. Here are the friends you should keep and the ones you should ditch.
Other ambitious people
Spend more time with the go-getters, the movers and shakers, and the hustlers. Those friends who get an idea in their head, and make that idea real—be around them. They energize you. You’ll find that you become more of a mover and shaker, too.
Ease off the friends who always have some excuse for why they still haven’t taken even a first step towards their goals. Excuse making is infectious and addictive. Don’t catch the disease.
Organized and scheduled friends
Hang out with organized, reliable people—people who make plans, write plans down, and stick to plans. They make you more accountable and make you want to be organized, too.
Flakers and forgetters
You know the ones—they flake all the time, they cancel at the last minute, they disappear and text three days later saying oh sorry I was hungover/I forgot/I fell asleep. They waste your precious, precious time.
Always make room for those friends who always have a new plan up their sleeves—a plan to explore a new place, eat at a new restaurant, check out a quirky event, and just take in new sites and sounds. They help you grow and they keep you comfortable with leaving your comfort zone.
People who play it safe
Pity the friend who is afraid to break her routine, try a new place, be around new people, or travel. But don’t hang out with her. She’ll make your world smaller, too.
The friend who pushes you
She’s like the life coach you never hired. She’s always asking you why you haven’t taken that next step towards your goals yet. She’s always reminding you how wonderful and competent you are. She won’t listen to your excuses.
The friend who puts you down
Ditch the “friend” who finds little ways to point out your faults and flaws. This is the friend who somehow always takes you down a peg when you’re feeling good about yourself. She claims to be “protecting you” but she’s actually trying to hold you down.
Have good listeners in your life and be a good listener. Approach conversations with a desire to learn more and listen to others. And on that note, surround yourself with others like that. Your conversations will feel full and balanced.
Avoid the venter. This is the person who takes advantage of the fact that you’re a good listener, and drains you of energy. This person dumps on you, then leaves, rarely asking about you or aiming to provide you with anything positive.
The social one
Life is full of changes like new coworkers, new in-laws, new friends, children, exes, and new spouses. Have friends who can adapt, and won’t run away when your life fluctuates. They are happy to meet the other people in your life.
The greedy one
You don’t have time for that greedy friend who wants your attention all to herself. This is the friend who ices out your other friends because she’s selfish of your attention.
The positive one
Surround yourself with people who always find the bright side, the upside, and the silver lining. Be with friends who always find a way to move forward after set backs, and always find something nice to say, even when it’s hard to.
The cynical one
Your cynical friend might be entertaining at first because she’s witty and sarcastic, but you always feel down after being with this friend, right? She slowly sneaks her ideas into your head—ideas that say things like, “People and life are fundamentally bad.”
The wild card
Make time for the wild card—the one who always almost gets you two in trouble but doesn’t really. She pushes you out of your comfort zone, and brings excitement to your life. She lives outside the box and keeps you young.
Cut ties with the actual troublemaker who always needs to borrow money or be bailed out of a bad situation. This is the friend who gets too drunk and says inappropriate things and sabotages your relationships. She’s not entertaining-she’s problematic.