Gettyimages.com/Summer portrait of angry afro american young woman, staring at camera. Studio shot, green background.
I’ve heard it said that people are motivated by two things: love, and fear. I think there’s one other thing that is a huge driving force behind a lot of what we do—a thing that lives somewhere in the gray, strange area between love and fear and that’s insecurity. Insecurity really does live right in the center because, when we’re insecure, that has something to do with desiring a certain love we can’t have and fearing rejection. You probably see people do things every day that are clearly done out of insecurity like…posting 20, extremely photo shopped selfies on Instagram every day or flaunting gaudy and flashy purchases to the world. Insecurity is pretty powerful, and can touch every area of your life if you don’t get a handle on it. Unaddressed insecurities can even direct the romantic partners you choose, and the way you conduct your relationships. Typically, when people who are insecure get into relationships they behave in one of two ways: they’re either demure doormats or, they’re bulldozers who step all over their partners. Are you the latter? Are you mean to men because you’re insecure?
Gettyimages.com/Happy black man enjoying in a talk with his girlfriend while being in a bar. Flirting.
You ignore the ones you’re into
The first thing you do when you notice a man you’re interested in is to ignore him as much as possible. You do, however, do things to draw his attention to you (laugh loudly, be the center of attention) but you never directly give him attention. You’re always conscious of keeping the power. You’d never just approach a man and show your interest.
