Black Twitter got a good laugh recently when it revived the #TweetLikeAPickMe hashtag.
According to The Urban Dictionary, a Pick Me is a “person who begs for the attention, acceptance and approval of a certain group in different things they say. In most case, it’s to attain the attention, acceptance and approval of the opposite sex.” While the description is gender neutral, this is definitely an adjective aimed at women.
If you missed the hashtag, scroll down for some of the best tweets.
Although it’s easy to find humor in the ignorance of Pick Me logic, the reality is not as funny. Here are three reasons why Pick Mes are actually the worst!
1. They Encourage Ridiculous Expectations
You know those memes of couples where the woman is pulling way more than her fair share of the load in a relationship? She cooks his dinner to order every night, she washes his hair and clips his toe nails, she irons his underwear, and she pays all of his bills (even though he’s capable of doing so on his own). And she does it all in perfectly coiffed hair and stilettos so that she can be as appealing to him as possible at all times. Then she brags about all of her sacrifices while questioning how other women could allow themselves to be so lax in their relationship duties. Some people have modeled their love lives after these examples, and the overworked woman is most assuredly a Pick Me.
A Pick Me never requires much of a man before she places him on a pedestal. As such, all a guy needs to do is just show her a little bit of attention to be crowned a king in her eyes. There are enough women doing this that some men genuinely expect the same type of treatment from every woman that they’re interested in.
2. They Are The Female Equivalent Of The Good Guy™
When we’re young, we’re told that guys only want a Good Girl™. Only a Good Girl™ is worthy and deserving of her Prince Charming and Happily Ever After. To be considered a Good Girl™, we have to sit quietly, smile at everything, and look perfect.
Being fed this line of logic does a couple of things: First, it tells a girl that her life doesn’t actually begin until she finds her man. Second, it tells her that her behavior is enough to earn her a man. Third, it recenters a girl’s focus on men, stunting her opportunity to focus on her own identity.
Pick Mes continue to parrot the idea that being a Good Girl™ makes her a superior dating choice long into her adulthood. Depending on their success in love, their experiences can either confirm or confound that concept. In the case that it is not increasing the amount or quality of her romantic options, she may start complaining that guys don’t want a Good Girl™. But, as was stated in the Op/Ed about Good Guys™ needing to step up their game, simply being good is not enough to attract a mate.
3. They Shame Other Women For Having Lives
Let a Pick Me tell it, a woman should be sitting at home, doing absolutely nothing with her life until some man–any man–steps up to her porch. The problem is that many women don’t want to live that way.
More and more, modern women are wanting to explore their dating options — and the world. Girls are out here living their best lives and making no apologies for it. However, Pick Mes always try to mess up the vibe by claiming that all of their living is hurting their chances of ever being considered marriage material. The flaw in the logic is that some women are no longer as concerned about that.
Worse than that is a Pick Mes motivation for shaming other women: Men. Everything they do is centered around catching a man. If that requires them to throw other women under the bus, they don’t seem to have a problem doing that. And in this time when women need to stick together more than ever, ain’t nobody got time for that.