Signs You Give More Than You Get In Love And Friendships
Relationships—both romantic and platonic—are about sacrifice, right? Well, yes, but there are a few caveats people forget to mention when throwing out that blanket statement. One big one, for example, is that you shouldn’t make sacrifices for people who wouldn’t make similar ones for you. Another one is that, when you’re in a truly symbiotic relationship in which the other person is aware of and cares for your needs, sacrifices won’t feel like sacrifices. Why is that? Because what you’re getting in return (their respect, affection, attention, care etc…) is far greater than the sacrifice. In other words, the tonic is way stronger than the pain so it’s all good. If you’ve been endlessly generous and giving in your relationships, but don’t feel happy, it could be because you weren’t aware of those caveats. Here are signs you give more than you get in love and friendships.
You have to work hard to remember their sacrifices
You really need to dig deep into your memory and strain your mind to recount the few and small sacrifices this person has made for you. Your brain hurts a little by the time you recall them.
You make excuses for other people a lot
You often find yourself telling yourself why it’s okay that this person let you down, didn’t get you a gift in return, didn’t ask much about you during your interaction and so on. “They’re busy” and “They have a lot going on” comes to mind. But aren’t those things true for you, too? And didn’t you make an effort for them?
You have to explain your worth to people
You often find yourself having to remind people of your worth and the things you’ve done for them. Like when they can’t make it to your birthday party because they’re tired, but you went to theirs immediately after getting off a five-hour plane ride.
You often anticipate disappointment
You feel anxious hanging out with these people, because you know—deepdown—that they’ll do something to disappoint you during the interaction and that you’re about to feel taken advantage of.
You hear, “You really shouldn’t have” a lot
You hear it a lot. Like, more than the ordinary amount. And when people say it, they don’t say it all giddy and happy—they say it with a lot of guilt and sadness.
You feel a little sick when doing a nice deed
You get an odd knot in your stomach when purchasing a gift for a certain friend or helping someone out with a favor they’ve asked for. You just know it won’t be fully appreciated.
You feel sorry for yourself
You often find yourself feeling sorry for yourself, and feeling that you’ve somehow neglected or disrespected yourself.
Others only help you when it’s convenient
Some of your friends or relations only help you when it’s convenient. In other words, they’ll only bring you soup when you’re sick if it’s on the way to where they were going anyways. Meanwhile, you’ve gone far out of your way to help them.
Others have little idea what’s happening in your life
If you think about it, some of the friends you consider your best friends have no idea what’s happening in your life. That’s because they never ask.
You’re always the crisis person
Some friends only come to you in times of crisis—like after a breakup, or when they’re sick—but don’t seem to come to you to celebrate the good stuff.
You feel drained
You feel drained, exhausted, weighted down and other very tiring adjectives. It’s because you’re mostly giving and barely receiving. You’re using your fuel and nobody is helping replenish it.
You don’t ask for help
You’re afraid to even ask some friends for help because you don’t want to hear the excuses. You’d rather not ask, and pretend they would’ve said yes if you had asked.
Your victories have been overlooked
You’ve often felt abandoned during your victories. You’ve thrown little birthday and promotion parties for others, but those same people took a week to reply to your text when you notified them of your promotion.
You clear a day for them; they clear 30 minutes
When one friend says she’ll spend Saturday afternoon with you, you clear the afternoon for her. Come Saturday, it turns out she cleared about 30 minutes for you. Oh, and you’ll have to drive to her place or else she won’t even have time to see you at all.
You feel unhinged when they distance themselves
If a certain friend distances herself, you feel totally unhinged. It’s likely because you’ve put most of your eggs in that basket and given so much of yourself there, that you can’t handle it if they go away.