When it comes down to it, when you really think about it, when you get down and dirty…sex is sex is sex. It’s the same thing for everybody. It’s intercourse. It’s the comingling of genitalia. So then why is some sex so great and some sex just…blah? Or worse, awkward? It’s all about the lead-up. Haven’t you found there were some times when you and your partner hit the sack and you wanted him more than ever, while there have been other times when sex felt more arbitrary—like you were just doing it to get it over with? You can control that feeling. And, let’s be honest, you tend to orgasm more when you were really in the mood prior to sex. For women especially, what happens before sex is just as important as what happens during sex. Here are things you should be doing before having sex.
Watch your favorite scandalous show
Whether that’s “Game of Thrones” or “Girls,” watching a show where people are constantly getting it on makes you pretty ready to get it on yourself by the time the episode is over.
Get all clean and smooth down there
Doing a little shaving, waxing, or whatever your preferred method of grooming is down there, plus using a natural soap, will make you hyper-aware of your sexy parts and ready to go.
Have a no work/no chore talk rule
If date night is starting, have a rule that you don’t talk about work or chores or any logistical matters. All that talk does is pull you out of the moment—out of your bodies, and into your heads.
Put away electronics
Don’t even bring your phones into the bedroom. Somebody will have forgotten to turn off an alarm. Somebody will think their phone was on silent, but it wasn’t. And then they see their mom calling and that kills the mood.
Have plenty of physical contact
I’m not even talking about foreplay: I’m talking about cuddling, sitting on his lap, holding hands, and kissing before you get into the bedroom. Women tend to need plenty of physical contact leading up to sex to feel in the mood for sex.
Walk down sex memory lane
Talk about that one really sexy time you did it in the closet of that holiday party or in the elevator at that hotel. All the excitement and sensations of that time will come rushing back.
Put necessary items by the bed
Lubricant, condoms, vibrating rings, handcuffs—whatever your thing is. Nothing kills the mood like having to get up and rummage through drawers in the middle of foreplay.
Clean your mouth
It’s probably perfectly clean, but it’s hard to focus on sex when you’re a little worried you still have tuna on your breath. Just give yourself a quick once over with the toothbrush.
Take off your underwear
There’s something very arousing about walking around the house without underwear for a while before doing the deed. It won’t hurt if your partner sees you slip them off.
Finish that nagging task
You know the top reason you don’t enjoy sex is that you’re just rushing through it so you can get back to whatever else you need to do. So, for the sake of your sex life, do that thing before getting it on.
Take long, deep breaths
You don’t necessarily need to meditate (although doing so before sex can be quite the experience) but just sitting in a quiet room and taking long, deep breaths can get you more into your body and out of your head.
Laughing is a natural aphrodisiac. So instead of watching those sad documentaries that kill your sex drive, try watching a comedy on date night.
Talk about your goals
Feeling supported in your career, getting excited about the future, and just reconnecting can all make you feel happy, alive, and in the mood. So take twenty minutes to talk about what you’re excited about and what you’re working towards (then initiate the no work talk rule).
Trim your nails
I mean, for his sake, trim your nails. Whatever you do with your hands in the bedroom isn’t made better by long nails.
Put on a little lip balm
Having a dry mouth ruins most parts of sex. Put on a little lip balm so your mouth is ready for…whatever.