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During a recent episode of “Iyanla Fix My Life,” Vanzant took a minute to share some insight from her own life. This is not the first time she’s done this. She’s spoken about being a teenage mother, about the fact that her family members lied to her about her mother’s identity, that her grandmother was often mean and unexpressive.

But in this particular episode, where Iyanla sat down with Vakhara to speak about the relationship with her husband Lamar, she shared a very recent relationship lesson.

“I just ended a relationship, a fourteen-year relationship, at my age. You know why? Because after 14 years, I finally realize ‘He don’t love me the way I want to be loved.’ I just don’t want to be loved like this. See, I don’t get to tell people how to love me. I get to see how they love and then choose if I want to participate. So for 14 years, I was hoping, ‘Ok, he’s going to get it. He’s going to get it. He’s going to get it.’ And then I said, ‘You know what, he ain’t getting it.’ And it’s ok. I don’t choose to participate in the way he loves. I got a bunch of degrees and it took me 14 years to get that. Thank God I couldn’t get pregnant.”

Then she turns to Vakhara and says,

“You get to make that choice. “

Personally, I loved this moment. I know people might look at this and believe it speaks to Vanzant being unqualified. I think it does the opposite. Not only does it prove that she’s speaking from experience, the best teacher, it also proves that none of us are perfect. Life is not always linear. Some lessons we need to learn over and over again and in different ways, even the ones we so often try to teach others.

You can watch the moment in the video below.

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at She is also the author of “Bettah Days” and the creator of the websiteNoSugarNoCreamMag. You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.
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