Girl Just Admit It: 14 Signs He’s Just Not That Into You

October 13, 2011  |  
2 of 15

No matter what age you are or level of dating experience, reading men’s interest in you can be a struggle. Many men prefer to remain a mystery, opting for privacy in all areas of their lives until they are ready to make a major commitment. God bless the fella who will tell you his intentions up front. But for most men, catching on to their subtle (and not-so-subtle) cues can be an easier way to get their message and avoid unnecessary heartbreak. If you are wondering if your guy is on the fence, but are unsure of whether you should jet, here are 14 telltale signs that he is just not that into you. If anyone you are seeing exhibits a significant number of these traits, it is time to tell him to move along.

1. He takes forever to text or email you back

In this technological age, there is nothing easier than sending someone a quick email or text. If your male companion takes hours — or even days — to respond to these simple forms of communication with even one line of acknowledgment, it’s time to kick him to the curb. This is not only lazy — it’s also rude. He might not be sending you a text message, but he is certainly sending you a clear message of another kind. On to the next one!

2. He maintains physical and emotional distance

Does he often break eye contact, even in private? Or withhold sharing personal details about his life? On the physical and emotional levels, a guy who will not share just doesn’t want to go too deep. That can be fine for a fling, but it’s not worth making an emotional investment on your part. If you have had your fun, it’s time to move on to brighter horizons.

3. He never comes over to your house

Men don’t like to go out of their way — especially if they are not that into you. A guy who likes you wants to make efforts to show you are special to him. Someone who won’t even drive to your house or take the subway can’t be expected to give much in the long term. There are other top-notch fish in the sea. Trust.

4. He avoids touching you in public

If your guy friend loves to embrace, kiss and cuddle in the privacy of your home, but won’t even hold your hand on the street, this is a major warning sign. Either he doesn’t want to be seen as being “with” you, or he is scared one of his other lovers (or his wife!) will see you out in public. Drop this dude if he won’t even hold your hand.

5. He rudely shoots down your ideas

A guy can disagree with your way of seeing the world and still care. If all he does is disrespectfully disregard your perspective when communicating, he likely doesn’t think much of you. You don’t want to be with someone who can’t treat you nicely, especially when you are simply talking. Next!

6. He only sees you after midnight

It’s hard if you really like someone to open your eyes and admit to yourself that to him, you are a booty call. If you can handle that, more power to you. But don’t expect this relationship to go anywhere. If you want more from a man, it’s time to search elsewhere.

7. He won’t let you leave things at his house

If you are at his place often, a guy who is into you will be happy to let you stow essentials there. But if someone you are frequently dating won’t even let you leave a toothbrush at his house he is either a) an obsessive compulsive neat freak, or b) trying to hide you from other women. In either case, you might want to distance yourself.

8. He attends major events without you

Friend’s house party? Parents’ anniversary dinner? Maybe even his own birthday? Sometimes a man wants to maintain his independence. And at other times he wants to ensure that you don’t get too involved in his life so he can move on any time. If he never wants you around at a time of life that’s meaningful, you don’t mean that much to him. You also have better ways to spend your time — with family and friends who really care.

9. He refuses to make future plans with you — short- or long-term

Does this guy squeeze you into the corners of his life? Refuse to plan weekends away? Keep his schedule open weeks in advance? If he only makes last-minute plans with you, while cramming in other activities with friends, he is just not that into you. Sorry, but you deserve better.

10. He flakes out on plans you do have at the last minute

This is another clear sign that he does not respect you or your time. Make room in your life for someone who does.

11. He’s already involved with someone else

This man might say he loves you, but if he is seriously involved with another women, he can’t really be giving you his all. He is a man divided, so how into you could he be? Worse, even if he did leave his mate for you, he has lied to her. He will likely lie to you. You don’t want that. Stay strong and carry on to another man.

12. He doesn’t seem that interested in intimacy

If your sex life with dude is little to nothing, he is basically saying that he can do without you. This is rude, frustrating, and a little cruel. You don’t need that. Do what you’ve got to do for you, and find that man who makes you feel desirable.

13. He pulls a disappearing act

When you don’t see a man for days, weeks or months at a time without explanation, he is just not that into you. He might be seeing other people, or simply doesn’t want to spend his time with you. If you aren’t seen as life-enhancing by this man, take the time to find someone who cherishes you. Your time, energy and love are worth it.

14. He encourages you to date other people

This is a sure sign that he wants to be totally free, and is not in a mind to commit himself. You probably won’t change him, so why waste your time? No guy is worth it. You deserve a man who wants to spend quality time with you, and reflects back to you your own self worth. There are people out there who will treat you with loving respect. If your significant other exhibits many of these behaviors, take the hint and resist investing another minute. You deserve the best in life. Keep striving until you find the love you deserve.

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  • Catherine

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  • Aliyah

    Ok that’s kind of a lie to stay busy because if your too busy he will chest on you behind your back so woman lose either way . I was the clingy one with my ex and he dumped me after two months if I was busy he would still dump me . I have a better chance of staying single for life .

  • confuzledgirl

    hmm this is really funny. I wanted to see if I could pin him for not being into me, but he doesn’t do any of the things listed here. Actually, the person doing these things is me XD

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  • Aquaria

    I wouldn’t make too much of the not touching in public, 100% of the time.

    1) If your guy is in the military and he’s in uniform, he’d better not be indulging in public displays of affection. It’s against military regulations, and can get him into serious trouble if the wrong person sees him and reports him for acting like a teenager with hormone issues in public. A brief kiss when greeting and parting is about all that’s allowed, and the military person is supposed to maintain a professional decorum in between.

    2) Some people are simply more reserved about certain behaviors in public. Just like you wouldn’t try to urinate on a public street in the open, some of us think that hanging all over the person you love in public is distasteful and downright disgusting. I’m a woman who feels this way, and I certainly won’t tolerate that kind of behavior from a man in my life. It’s not that I’m cold or don’t love a man. I merely think there’s a time and place for certain behaviors, and acting like a lovesick fool in public isn’t one of them.

  • this list is great but there are some ppl who do the opposite in the beginning and act like they’re totally into you and put on this act for quite awhile and be into you, her, him, whoever. ya’ll need to do topics on those ppl.

  • Imng

    15 telltale signs hes not into you..the views of 5 women

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  • not surprised…

    Wow!!!  There is nothing more nauseating or less interesting than reading what the emotionally convoluted “mind” of a WOMAN tries to explain what is going thro the mivng of a MAN simply by his actions… Most woman don’t even understang the things going thru their own minds, and now she is gonna try to interpret what a man’s actions means is going thru HIS mind? Wow, what a typical woman though… I bet after she read it over again, she actually sat back and believed every word she had just written…But then again, that’s waht happens in an emotionally convoluted mind… Reality ceases to exist and personal experience and dramatic emotions take over her thought perception…

    The author sounds like she just had a bad experience and with her thought process already inherently convoluted because of her experience, this is the best she could come up with…

    nauseating and un-interesting at best…

  • Dan Oldham

    So, apparently, these 14 signs only apply to negroes?

  • lol, got to 2 pages, thought, wonder if the author is black. googled, sure enough.

  • I’ll say it like this.  If a man is into something sexual and asks whomever that they are with, if they are into the same thing.  If you are not, than this person is obviously not that into you after finding out.

  • Nicepantsmister


  • Justforonce420


  • HL

    most of those points were absolutely like me n the man i have/had. but when i had to go away for good, 2-4 months he just burst in tears like a kid on the last day… it might be just acting for me to come back  to him or i dont even know. as i guess some men like to collect girls like post marks, but why cry if he’s not into it ? or he is but he’ s tryina to hide all kind of emotions . ?? dunno . 

  • ryguy

    If you don’t want to date $hitty men, give others a chance you normally wouldn’t.  It seems women are only initially interested in those great looking ‘confident’ (arrogant / way self absorbed) men who don’t have a shred of humility.  Be more neighborly and find partners at quality places like hobby and interest groups or church instead of clubs and bars!  Secretly, church girls are bad 😉 !

  • MulleDK19

    Wait, what? Number 12. So if a woman doesn’t want to have sex before he’s married, he’s rude and cruel, but if a woman doesn’t want to have sex before she’s married, she’s protecting herself?


    • MulleDK19

      Correction: First “woman” was supposed to be “man”.

  • Donald Mc Farland

    I know a lot of women that put with that crap all of the time. Of course they will have nothing to do with a “nice” guy and often end up lonely, resentful and bitter by the time they are in their forties. Its really sad.

  • G2now

    I just like to check up on what the ladies are reading…READ ON LADIES… READ ON!

  • glenp827

    I haven’t found one from this socio-economic group I would give that much for

  • The funny thing about #1 is that most advice columnist tell women to STOP CONSTANTLY TEXTING YOUR MAN! We don’t want to be bombarded with texts, most of us don’t communicate that way. If you ask a question and need an answer, yes he should respond. But if you’re texting as much as once per hour even, with just observations, STOP IT.

    • G2now

      I will have to disagree with that. You are leering on the premise of preference. I don’t mind txting or chating with people via sms. I said it somewhere in this thread, based on MY preference that if I have higher interest level in a person, I will respond to them, its that simple. 1 txt per hour is too much? Hmmm well i disagree, especially if the relationship is more in the long term stage. On the other hand especially on the first few months of dating, don’t bombard them either, don’t give them too much of the good stuff (namely you the female) You don’t want him getting all he can get right away, you still want him desiring you, but don’t be a tease either. Being a tease is a big turn off. Then again, I’m only one males perspective.

  • Donnie

    Obviously this article was written by a woman for women from a woman’s perspective.  I can’t even get past the first “sign”.  Every guy who does well with women knows exactly what gets women off.  As much as you want women to kick the guy to the curb for taking “hours” (oh my gosh) or “days”, that is 101 in man speak.  The longer you take to text women back, the more they sit there and obsess over you.  If you text back right away then you are not busy, not working, and not dating.  That is the message you are sending and women lose interest in something they can have quite easily.  Every guy who has ever had a stalker knows that it’s the result of showing little to no interest and taking forever to respond.  Women can’t handle rejection and will do anything for that response.  Don’t think we don’t know what we are doing.  

    • Donnie

      This gets better and better.  I did get past the first “sign” and all i have to say is this:  You are looking for a dog, not a man.  

      • G2now

        I just wonder how many people on here give Donnies kind of advice, and are still single…

    • Evie

      I wish you guys (and girls) would just stop playing games. There is nothing to read into if you just answer at the time you see the text. Women aren’t going to lose interest if you do so and don’t worry, most of us won’t stalk if we get an honest and direct answer. We stalk because of the ignoring and even then, most women know that ignoring means “no, I’m not into you” most of the the time.


    The vast majority of couples fighting were black in this article, whereas the only white guys are kissing a girl on the cheek or stroking a golden ring while wearing a suit.

  • Herpderp


  • Ellemcelle

    Elle….you know whats really sad ? it’s that you really care for a person and then you find out that they are just not that in to you….GOD BLESS THE NEXT SUCKA THAT COMES ALONG HUH????

  • Stephanie Allen

    This article is so true !!  Some are true to life experiences.

  • tim

    hi, i’m a guy. eye contact makes me have panic attacks and i don’t feel comfortable touching ANYONE outside of my home. i also don’t make plans for the future because they always end up changing. i also really don’t enjoy sex; if it’s not with someone i love, it’s just tiring and unpleasant, and with someone i do love, it’s half an hour where we’re not talking.

    so yes, i am a troubled fellow. but maybe not everybody who avoids eye contact is doing it because they hate you, okay?

  • Orange Rhino

    Get a career of your own so it will not matter whether you land a guy or not.

  • Sometimes women are so afraid of being alone we ignore all the warning signs mentioned in this article. As a 27-year old unmarried woman who’s hoping to get there soon–I’ve been guilty of this. But I must say every single thing mentioned here is 100% TRUE. Never waste time on a man who’s not putting you first when there are so many others in the world who will. Just be patient and he’ll come.

  • I don’t need 14 signs, all I need is about 2 or 3 signs, I don’t want no man that don’t want me.

  • I’m so glad I’m not desperate for a man.

  • B C Comstock

    oh finally a picture of a white person. Hmmm for the worst reason yet, he is a cheater, they use a picture of a professional looking white man.    Interesting….

  • B C Comstock

    Some guys dont let women keep things at their house because some women immediatly start nesting.  Some women move way too fast and try to insinuate themselves into your life as if you are already married.  Kick those women to the curb.  They are the sort that think only a and b could be the reason he doesnt want you to keep things at his house.  Nesters dont care how into them the man is, I even knew one who said she did not care if I loved her as much as she loved me, cause I would eventually get there.  I dumped her immediately.  Nutcases.

    • B C Comstock

      They are also the types who start calling your their boyfriends mothers “Mom” as if they are married almost as soon as they meet them.  BIG SIGN OF DESPERATION!  KICK HER TO THE CURB!  (the girl, not your mom)

  • B C Comstock

    why is their only black people in every picture?  What is up with that?

    • glenp827

      MADAME NOIR   means “black lady”   hmmmmm  could this be a black oriented rag?

  • Orange Rhino

    Rene–We are looking for hot babes–not challenges.  We’ll go for the hotties whether they are a challenge or not. Of course, we’d prefer that they be no challenge, but size zero women usually have to fight off the guys with a stick.  Good luck while you are in isolation.  Perhaps you will meet a schizoid guy and you can each happily avoid the other.

  • Orange Rhino

    He prefers the company of 9th-grade girls.

  • He’s gay!

    Lol, nah, just kidding, bad joke.

  • Yoursviolet

    ok an article that’s fifteen pages wrong is A HUGE FAIL. jeez just put it on one page

  • Sharon Rainey

    Maybe he is misinterpreting your motivations. Maybe his twisted ego refuses to allow him to see you are not that into him as much as his money, his sex, or his memory. Most real women have other options but sometimes she likes spending time to herself and the next man is within reach when she is ready!!!! I think we give men too much credit and not enough to our motivaions since yes women can do without a man and have him thinking its all about him when in fact she is waiting for the other man she has been seeing.

  • Guest

    Thats why the bible is handy, it clearly helps not get into sticky situation like the ones listed above

  • Dal

    Really good tips in here but let me present a thought on the not necessarily being together for a few months because of a military commitment. My significant other is stationed at Fort Hood while I’m still attending school in NH. He is the quiet type, unless in person. We talk a few times a week on the phone- neither of us is really into the texting thing- aside from a quick “I love you and I’m thinking of you”. We built our relationship knowing that it wasn’t always going to be easy and decided it was a chance worth taking- and I don’t regret it. It’s one of those either I trust him or I don’t. When he comes home on leaves we make up for the time he was away. I have never had a moment where I’ve had second thoughts or reason to not trust him. 

    Some good points though this article makes. But again it all comes down either we trust the other person or we don’t.

  • pennaitor

    I used to do most of this nonsense for one girl until I got burned, from then on its like yeah whatever. Its even fun having and sleeping with at least three girls that way you can always keep yourself fresh and sharp. And please boys there are far too many girls out there, and they all have that same hair that get you fired up, that same smile, that same spirit, many girls.

  • Advice like this should be taken in context.  My co worker the nicest man I had ever met had his relationship end because he failed to answer a text message in due time.  I should mention we work on a site where cell phones cannot be used.  Hence he could not send messages.   I guess a weak relationship like that was going to fail regardless but reading, with the tips in this article I can see where woman get their insecurities from.   I’m not saying to be oblivious but to put things into context.  

  • fanesse

    It's funny how all these negative pictures are portrayed with Black couples…hhmmm and the tags under say Black relationships and Black Love???FUNNY isn't it

    • A L Dunne

      …Do you realize what website you’re on?

  • Astella

    Mating is a dance, a tease. So, neither party should come on too strong in the beginning so as to scare the other one off. This applies to guys also. Take a step or two, see if the other one responds, and let them go if they don't respond. If both parties are interested, the responses will grow stronger, and so will the relationship. So, a lot of what this article is about is just common sense.

    However, it is not absolute. In the right context, as "guest" pointed out, some of these are excusable, especially if they do not happen a lot. Remember, the dance?

  • 007cohiba

    Typically pre homo sapient.

  • Mick

    without telling past business, i can say these signs are dead on!

  • Best thing in life is to love yourself, then you will pick only a man worth of you. A lot of sisters do not have self love that is why they keep picking men who are not into them. Nothing is greater than first the love of God, second Self Love!

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  • Men can be responsible or irresponsible, and women can be contented or contentious. A man can react to a contentious woman by simply shutting down – but he can be woken up. Let me recommend “A Wife is a Terrible Thing To Waste” at

  • Lived-and-Learned

    My ex-boyfriend committed 13 of these signs and it still took me several months to wake up and leave him. It happened gradually as he seemed so into me in the beginning and treated me like a princess. Over time he charmed and manipulated me into doing all kinds of things for him while he did less and less for me, until I realized I had become his mommy, housemaid, cook, errand girl, laundress and "masseuse" with nothing in return, nothing literally, without knowing exactly how it happened.

    He also did a 15th sign, he got me to quit my job and move closer to him, and a 16th sign, he tricked me out of a lot of money and got me to go into debt for his benefit that will take me years to pay off. I was stupid, but he truly conned me and all my family and friends. I have a high IQ, men call me beautiful, I have two degrees and thought I had more self respect, but he really had me fooled. I lost all my confidence and three years later still do not trust that the next man would be a good person and not another con man. I may never be with anyone ever again.

    If I had read this article before I had gotten so deep into that relationship, I would have been able to identify many of his problem behaviors and been slower to devote myself so completely to a guy who didn't do as much for me, and was really just using me as time went on. I surely wouldn't have been so quick to expose myself financially and logistically without at least equivalent tangible reciprocation on his part. So it isn't a troll article, there really are men out there like that, playing women and sometimes causing real devastation to their lives.

  • Women need to stop blaming themselves for "not being good enough" and staying around to making themselves better for the guy. Some guys, no matter, what, will just not be into you. And it's important to move on. It's doesn't matter how "perfect" you are. Sometimes guys just don't want to be in a relationship. Be strong enough to do what is best for yourself.

  • lkmk28

    um i take alot of time to text back.. lol

  • annacutie

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  • Lauren

    thanks for the reminder Paris

  • Jerry

    Whatever happened to the Genuine Woman, just be a Natural out there? Mind of her own?

  • ferret

    OK done all those and the woman still purseues me! What shall I do next?

  • Lovalola

    Definitely feel like One Million $$$

  • Alex

    Paris, you're awesome, I wish you were my friend in real life – lol

  • Completelly false…It is time to go far more forward.

  • i just laugh at stuff like this…as a man i know when i made a bad choice i dont need an article to tell me somebody like me or not…plus on top of that in my own defense i have met so many shallow women….that it takes a lil more than the average to keep my attention…..but i am straight forward and i do let them know where i stand if you choose to go along for that ride then hey its on you…but to say we aint about much is ridiculous cause women seem to have just as many hangups as men do but we tend to let them get away with them well i dont and if you are shollow i wont swim in your pool!!!! ijs

  • It is exactly what I believe. I agree with you. Great post

  • Faith

    "my late 30's"..

  • Faith

    This is a great article, I'm married and still find it helpful and accurate, I'm in my last 30's and most of my close girlfriends are older than me but still go through these things, hell I did myself!

  • Chazaq

    I'm a female and I've done some of these lol. But it's good to know so now I'll know what's going on cuz some guys won't be straight forward with it.

  • Denise Z

    Most women think they are so much smarter than men, but men see "needy" women coming a mile away. Maybe he's not that into you, because you are boring.

    • Guest

      YES! Thank you, Denise Z! Ladies, please have your own sh!t going on, so you're not constantly checking in on him. It's not cute and men generally find a woman who is busy (but not too busy) much more attractive. Plus side: If your current man's not the guy for you, you've still got a life of your own to enjoy…and the right man will fit right in when he comes along and be good!

  • Phoneg

    i just wrote an article like this today…funny

    Apple Giving away the new iPhone in Honor of Steve Jobs Death (founder of Apple) . i just went ahead & got 24hrs ONLY! lol

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  • SoTrue




    • SO true! Great words! Thank you for sharing!

  • Robin

    Never make a man/ woman your priority while you allow them to make you their option

  • Peaches and Apples

    And with you clamoring to insult her you screwed up grammatically and ruined your entire point.

    • Sam

      LOLOL @ Peaches & Apples! ^^

  • Nestafan2

    Brandy and Janay nailed it. When a man is into you, nothing will stop him from connecting with you. Men make time for what they want to make time for. If you have to excuse his behavior (especially early in the relationship), you're headed toward disaster.

  • rampagejackson

    I agree L-Boogie. Not every man is the same and women need to quit looking for some type of rule book to go by when it comes to dating.

    • Guest

      Couldn't have said it better myself!

    • ADDlove911

      Young and happily married. Didn't need a rule book but I tell ya, as I look back…these things DID happen and I can say I made excuses. When I stopped making them, that's when I met someone that I didn't have to make excuses for. 14 Signs He's Just Not That Into You…is some real shhh.

      • Kam

        Yep, I wisened up and stopped making excuses.

    • Kam

      3 years ago I would have agreed with you. I've learned my lesson.

  • sexxy

    @just sayin yes #7 looks like leroy from real world,wonder if they paying him to use his picture on this article…..

  • L-Boogie

    LOL! These articles are getting so old and redundant.

  • L. Chase

    Womens intuition! We know when someone is or isnt ‘into’ us, some of us just choose to ignore our intuition and make excuses. Those women that dont listen to their own common sense are unlikely to take away anything from any article. Ladies, we have been given a gift- dont waste it on someone you have to make excuses for!

  • Janay

    Brandy you summed it up with the last statement. If you are a priority you know. Men are simple creatures and trust me they know how to show you that you are of significance. If its cloudy then you are just not that important to him no excuses. Period.

  • Janay

    Men never never tell you their intentions up front so if you ladies don’t use common sense to pick up cues you are screwed

    • Dare Not Say

      Well done Janay, and yes, many of us are simple creatures… there are no real clues, we reply mostly on what signals we pick up from you girls, not that we can actually read them, but at least we try… we love so much about you girls, but unless we can come up with something that's never been done before its hard to show you how much we really do love and care for you… personally if I let someone close enough that I reach out to hold them first, then that's me putting my self, my emotions at risk of getting hurt, it seems you girls initially put yourselves at risk of getting hurt more then us guys, so its a gud job you've got so many girly friends who u can go cry wif and talk too… guys don't tend to cry arnd other guys or even have those sorta fndships… I think you girls are really lucky, and I've bin lucky enough to find girly fnds who've trusted me just enough to let me into that secret side of girly life, who come to me just as they would their female girlies coz they know just how important they are to me… I wonder if all that would change if I started dating again? My now ex hated that I had female fnds & cheated on me, takin our lad along, so… where did I go wrong? What signals were wrong? I was caring, we had mutual fnds, but to stay with her I had to give up all my female fnds… worse mistake ever I say… So reading you girls isn't any easier, and tho I did tell her my intentions, indeed we talked a lot, she never believed me enough so cheated on me even tho I took her to see my fnds etc… Guess being a simple creature means we'll NEVER understand you girls!… 🙁

  • Anna

    I've seen this article before… On this site.

    • jjac401

      This is an excellant article that needs to be re-posted every now and then because some women just don't get it!

  • Like someone told me once if the " words is not corresponding with the actions " mostly likely "He just not that into you".

  • Brandy

    I’m sorry Guest, but you are just listing excuses that women tell themselves. We tend to act differently with people we care about versus those we don’t. If I like a guy, I’ll absolutely text him back quickly regardless of what’s going on, but when I don’t like him, I take my time which can mean hours or days. With everything you listed as a reason–it just seems like that’s what happens when you are not feeling someone. That’s how women end up staying in relationships for years with no commitment. When you are a priority, you know. There’s no maybe or anything to figure out.

    • No disrespect

      You ain't said nothing but the truth Bran. Women tend to rationalize bad/unacceptable/telling behavior because they care about the guy. The problem is the behavior doesn't get better; it only gets worse. Don't rationalize his behavior – evaluate it. No matter where you are you can reply to a text in 30 mins if you really want to. It's called a bathroom break or drink of water break. If you don't respond, chances are you just can't be bothered to respond. Where there is a will, there is a way; the will is strongest when the person cares for you which is evident in the person's actions.

      • guest

        Not during the workday. Quite a few workplaces (he DOES WORK, right?) have NO CELL policies.

        • G2now

          If I like a person, and have a higher interest level, I respond in a timely manner. Especially if its something new. Nothing quite like the feel of something new.

    • Guest

      Wow…you guys totally missed my point. None of these are excuses, and a man that does these things ALL the time probably doesn't care about you (in which case, yes, leave him alone). But it seems like you couldn't even forgive the occasional slip-up. I agree that when you are a priority in a man's life, you'll know. However, you can't expect to be top of mind for him all the time. If you're with him long enough, there are going to be a couple of times that he will let you down just as you will to him.

      And let me ask you this: Are you writing a man off for anything I listed without asking him what the deal is? If so, I feel bad for you. It's going to be a very long life looking for something to go wrong with a potentially great man that cares about you. Don't get me wrong, have standards, set them very high and hold your man to them…but be understanding and patient when you see and believe a man is doing his very best by you. Whether his best is good enough for you is, of course, another matter that you need to determine for yourself.

      As I said before, though, you have to know your man and his intentions for you. Above all follow your own intuition (that's the very last thing I said!) because anyone can give lip service. You've got to take everything you know into consideration before you make an evaluation. But…since you couldn't bother to take my whole response into consideration before forming your opinion, it's probably not likely you'll do the same for a man.

      Have fun dealing in absolutes and being lonely! ^_^

      • Guest

        Almost forgot to add this: TALK TO YOUR MAN! It's best to really hash out a situation with him so that you two can come to a mutual understanding about your expectations of each other. If something doesn't match up, leave it alone. Beyond that, if he knows your expectations and unapologetically makes no effort to meet them, forget about him. But don't walk away without giving him a chance to know and do better. Remember, ladies: Closed mouths do not get fed.

      • Babeegurl

        TRUTH! Love it. Stop trying to stick everyone else's rules and have a mind of your own.

    • ADDlove911

      I AGREE!!! Say it!

  • Guest

    Some of these signs should not be seen as absolutes without taking them into context. There are no excuse for many of these (especially him already being in another relationship–girl, let it go!). However, there are a handful of these that do deserve a little consideration.

    2. He takes forever to text or e-mail you back
    How quickly do you yourself tend to respond to e-mails and texts? Personally, if I'm at work, you might not hear back from me for a couple of hours…because I'm working. When I clock out that's a different story. But even in my down time, I still may not get back to you right away for a number of reason. And e-mails? That's really at the whim of how often someone checks their account. I'm awful at getting back to e-mails unless it's an emergency.

    4. He avoids touching you in public.
    There are number of reasons for this. He could be very shy or waiting for you to show him what you're comfortable with in public. In my book, I think that's a great way for him to show you some respect. Or what if he's just not that into PDA?

    5. Rudely shoots down your ideas
    You might have picked a guy who may love you to pieces, but is just an abrasive guy that lacks tact. My friend is married to one such guy, but he's crazy about her.

    10. He flakes out on plans you do have at the last minute
    He might have a legitimate reason for having to break plans at the last minute (such as an emergency with work or family). I could occasionally excuse this, if a man is good about apologizing and coming back and making up that time later…with even better plans. But if he does this all the time (and doesn't make it up to you), then, yeah, leave him alone.

    13. He pulls a disappearing act.
    Consider his profession. There are some lines of work that will require a man (or woman) to take off for an assignment with little or no notice. My best friend's father had one such job until he retired. The disappearing act, although essential to his job, nearly cost him a relationship with my friends mother until he explained his situation. They've been happily, faithfully married for more than 30 years.

    In any case, the golden rule should always be to know what kind of man you're dealing with and the basic stats on his life (work, family, side projects, friends, romantic history, habits, personality quirks, etc.). But don't be so desperate for a man that you proceed to chase one when deep down you know that something is off. Trust that still small voice when it tells you something's not right and leave.

    • Kam

      I don't know. I was dating a guy that said he wasn't into PDAs, but it turned out he was just afraid of being seen holding hands with a woman, since he wasn't as single as I thought. When he first started dating me he sent me good morning texts and he was good at responding. When he started losing interest he told me that he was busy or tired.

      I strongly suggest people read the book "He's just not that into you" and follow the advice. I didn't and all I got was heartbreak. I know better now.

      • G2now

        I think with all of these suggestions, there isn’t going to be a universal truth to dating. Like everything else, it needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Use good judgment and things should be ok.

    • Likewaterforchoc


      Guest, you are the one female here who really needs to read this list, because you are delusional and you seem to be someone who can easily put up with everything and fall for anything. You are that friend that we all have who always has trouble finding the right guy, because you rationalize away all faults and red flags.

      • Dare Not Say

        SMH Oh right, Shaking My Head – Took me a while to find the meaning on Google!… lol!… (that's Laugh Out Loud encase sum1 doesn't know)…
        Plenty of guys and girls live with their partners "not so good points"… its part of what makes them special… it part of what makes us appreciate and love them more I guess… (wow third post on this topic, guess this article really hz peeved me off!)…

        I love that you wanna talk about your problem with your man, hope he appreciates you've taken the time to do that, coz you're giving him not only the chance to, I won't say change as I wouldn't want a person I met to change, but to maybe refrain from doing something in my company, but ur also giving him a chance to speak about something he finds difficult to appreciate in your own self… Good on you!… 🙂

    • Dee Dee

      In response to this guest…these are just excuses that allow a man to continue to exude bad behavior. They won't change because we say its alright for them to be this way and WE are the ones that just need to accept this fact. PLEASE!!!….this is 2011, unless a man is James Bond he's not disappearing and if he is he really should not be married. The woman that accepts a relationship like this accepts it because she likes the distance herself or she's a pathetic victim once again.

      If he's flaky, you let him know and work around this, and anyone that shoots down your ideas is abravise, lacks tact and is disrespectful which you did not mention. UNACCEPTABLE!!! .It's all about RESPECT….and if he can't do that he ain't worth your time.

      • RJS

        What are you saying? If a man is at work and doesn't respond instantly to your text message you're gonna break up with him?

        If you're not an understanding person your man is better off with someone else.

        The last thing I need is an argument because I don't respond to a text message when I'm working, or when I need some downtime, or when I'm asleep.

    • Mariettacruz

      I am sorry but these are right on. Of course it could also mean he is a BIG JERK. Either way you need to let him go asap.

  • Its sad but true. U cant expect anything. EVEN IF he doesnt show half of these signs. He still will turn out bad,liar,unfaithful and a user

    Some will act until he sees that u love him. Its better to be alone until God chooses for us. I think ill try to be abstinant. Good luck to all good ladies

    • kris j

      I agree it's better to let God choose for you than to waste time and go through all that heart break.

    • Divine_974

      i agree with you 100 % that the way i fell personally.

    • Aquaria

      If you’re waiting for a sky fairy to bring the love of your life to you, then you’re going to die single with a lot of cats.

      You don’t get a man by sitting by the phone, waiting for someone to call, or hoping against all hope that Prince Charming will notice you as you go about your life.

      You have to chase him a little, while making him think he’s doing all the chasing.

      Sheesh, this is Getting a Man 101.

  • Rene 2

    I have to agree with do LIKE a challenge. They DO NOT want a woman who’s at there beck and call. However most of these are true. When we see a man, we’re trying to determine if he’s future husband material, but when a man sees a woman, he’s thinking about potential booty.

  • thatgirl

    Rene , if you play hard to get, you won’t get got…that’s an old saying. If you are giving off signs that you don’t care, neither would he. If he’s a good guy, the relationship will be faihful, but it would drag. If not, you would be a “quickie” for him.

    • rene

      Yes if he is a good guy ,. I am still waiting for that good guy.LOL. Why are they only looking for boody ? What has happend to the cowboys?

    • Annelli

      That's not always true….esp. not for most guys. Rene isn't saying don't act interested, but just don't be overly interested even if you are. Don't express your love and how much you care for him too often or too soon. Men are suppose to be hunters—let him hunt YOU, let him pursue YOU. Men will try to get away with as much as they can, they naturally don't want to give up they're freedom, so allow him to do that, but a woman should make sure that she has her own life and she dates others that way she doesn't get too focused on him because, they moment she starts professing love, doing too much for him, talking too much about the relationship, nagging, complaining, and etc….it all goes down hill from that point on.

      • mike

        Your half right in the beginning show some love but not talking too much about the relationship, nagging, and complaining is right. Do fill like your pushing him. If you do this "she dates others that way she doesn't get too focused on him" a good guy will just walk on out. He does not need anymore baggage than drama. Sure the chase is fun but after that then what? You will just be fun and fun(I had fun with you but your not marrage type) is great but its not everything. Guys are simple if you think a lot. Because thats what all guys do is think. If he

        • mike

          does marry you and your the fun girl well the fun will run out at some point. Most thing is show that you do care for him but don't let him walk over you. You do have your own life as in a career or school.
          Then again everyone is different I know I am. Because when i was dating my wife. I ask her to just be friends(i was hinting at being special friends) but she told I am not looking for any friends right now. She stop texting me and then an hour later I reply do you want to go out with me.

  • rene

    Because YOU ARE TOO INTO HIM. To all of you young women don't let him know you are crazy about him . have you own schedule even if its going to the mall wit your mom. Don't expect to have all his time. Men like challenges. If you act like you don't really care even if you are screaming inside that you miss him. I would not let him know 99.9 percent of the time.

    • Annelli

      You are so right! I don't care how much they claim they want a woman to love them and show them so much affection DON'T TO IT! They will get bored and start looking elsewhere. And depending on how serious you are with him, I would even sugg. going out for fun with other guys—not sleeping with them or making out them them or anything, but hanging out with other guys will help you keep your mind from being totally focused on him because, you are too busy having fun and living your life. Let him be the man, let him pursue YOU, let him work for your time, and affection.

      • Kamaka2

        Right… until she winds up kissing and screwing that dude shes been having so much fun with…. be real

    • Zack

      To be completely honest most men don’t like challenges. Challenges make it seem like you’re not worth the time or effort. Just so you know. You may hold his interest for awhile, but not for long

  • Oh wow….

    • Genio

      lol…i know right
      Apple Giving away the new iPhone in Honor of Steve Jobs Death (founder of Apple) . i just went ahead & got 24hrs ONLY! lol