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In light of that whole “presenting your father with a purity certificate” story that swept the country, and Amber Rose’s recent Slutwalk, I think that the way in which women view their sexuality is very problematic these days. We’ve created a conflict between those who abstain and those who indulge. There’s no middle ground. We’ve formed this division where we believe what we believe and leave no room for understanding. I know because I used to be part of one extreme while shunning the other.

I used to think that sex had to be some sanctimonious event for it to be done right. You HAD to be in love, you HAD to be in a committed relationship, or to be even more proper, you HAD to be married. I believed that the only way to have great sex was if real, tender emotions were involved. I was made to believe that sex without love was empty and that I should wait until I had those feelings. Now, while I don’t disagree with that entirely, my way of thinking changed when the best sex I’ve ever had up to this point in my life happened during a one-night stand. It warped my whole way of looking at sex. 

Nowadays I can say that I think you should do what you feel and do it because it was your decision. And while I wouldn’t recommend that everyone run out and do it, should you decide to take a walk on the wild side and have a one-night stand, there are some things you should know beforehand.

So check it: You walk into a bar with your girls and a fine fella catches your attention. You’re not really on the market for anything serious, but you are intrigued by this man and he’s unleashing all types of primal energy your way. He offers you a drink and asks for your name. You hit if off with small talk that turns into some lively chatter about dating, relationships and sex. Your girls give you that knowing look. The look that says, “He’s trying to charm your pants off.” You know it too. So you have two choices: Indulge, or just take his number and get to know him better some other time. You decide that you want to indulge. If this is you sometime in the near future, keep the following things in mind. 

Be Certain That This Is What You Want

Get your panties out of a bunch and give yourself permission to engage in a one-night stand. Trust me. It’s okay. And I’m 100 percent certain he is not judging you. There are far too many women concerned with how they should act, how they will be perceived, or what is considered moral that they never allow themselves to delve in casual encounter sexcapades, and this is partly due to society’s perception of what is “ladylike.”

Whose House?

For me, this is very important. I’m very particular about my space and who I allow into it. I also believe that there is a sense of control when it comes to whose house you decide to go to. If you both decide on your place, you can kick him out whenever you want. You get to decide if the two of you are going to make this a sleepover or a no crash zone, and vice versa when it comes to his place. 

I would also think about whether or not I would want to get up early in the morning and subject myself to the “Walk of shame.” Not because there really is any shame in it all, but because I might be too lazy to budge. 

Protection Plan

It is the responsibility of both parties to provide protection. If you are not on any form of birth control, maybe consider it for the future and make it your duty to carry your own condoms should things get too heated and he doesn’t have any. Don’t be ashamed to have a few in your purse or stashed in your dresser, as you never know when they will come in handy.

Let’s Have A Chat

It is important to talk about where this is going to go. The worst thing is to end a one-night stand thinking everything was okay and that you guys were on the same page, only to end up with a straggler who now knows where you live and how to contact you. If this is really just a one and done thing, make that known before any of the fun begins and while you are both thinking clearly. Do not wait until afterward when someone can potentially get their feelings hurt.

Adventurous Versus Boundaries

Now is the best time to establish some boundaries. If whips and chains, hot wax and nipple clamps aren’t your thing, speak now or forever hold your peace. The thing that makes one-night stands so passionate is the relaxed feeling that you may never see this person ever again, so you can indulge and be as free as you would like. I mean, pull out some of your best moves and make it a memorable experience for the both of you! But if butt play and other extreme fetishes aren’t your steez, don’t wait until he tries to get experimental and kills the mood.

When The Climax Settles

It is expected for a man to be chivalrous after a one-night stand, regardless of if he plans to call you again or not. The same applies to you, ladies. If he crashed at your place or you decided to kick him out, the least you can do is call him a cab, or Uber him a car home and make sure he’s safe when leaving you. If you believe that one night is the start of something good, then by all means, get the man’s number, but never assume anything. And don’t assume your romp to be more than what it was. I believe the real art of mastering the one and done is being able to keep your emotions in check.

In the eloquent words of Jay Z: “Ladies is pimps too, gon’ brush your shoulders off.” Don’t let the world shame you out of having a little fun from time to time. I think a one-night stand now and then can be healthy when done right. So, tell me, when was the last time you allowed some carnal fun in your life?

 

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