14 Reasons Men Assume You Don’t Want To Be Approached

February 18, 2014  |  
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You don’t think you’re intimidating, and yet, guys don’t seem to approach you do they?. It might not be that they find you unattractive: you could be putting out the vibe that you want to be left alone. Here are a few reasons men don’t approach you.

You don’t order a drink

 

You don’t order a drink

If you’re just drinking a glass of water, or even worse nothing at all, while all of your friends are drinking cocktails, guys assume that you plan on making a quick exit. They definitely assume that you are not in the mood to loosen up and talk to strangers. They might also suspect you’re the type of woman who expects men to buy her drinks all night and that’s not enticing.

You check your phone a lot

You check your phone a lot

If your friend leaves you alone at the table for a moment, your face is glued to your phone. That definitely sends the, “I’m busy! Go away!” signal.

You’re underdressed

You’re underdressed

If you’re out somewhere where all the other women are in dresses and you came in your track pants and hoodie, guys will assume you did not want to be there tonight but some friend dragged you there. So you’re already in a negative headspace about the night.

You’re with 12 girls

You’re with 12 girls

It’s hard for a guy to believe you’re looking to meet men if you create a wall of 12 friends around you. Travel in small, approachable crews—4 people maximum.

You’re at a table, and nobody else is

You’re at a table, and nobody else is

It’s clearly a standing vibe: everybody is standing, or dancing, or walking around, and yet you’re the only one in the place plunked down at a table. Looks like you don’t want to be a part of the socializing at all.

You’ve ordered three plates of food

You’ve ordered three plates of food

It’s a little tough for a man to approach you when he can tell your mouth will be full for the next hour and a half. And if you’re the only person eating in a bar where people are just drinking, then it looks like you’re just there to eat and get out.

You’re constantly doing something

You’re constantly doing something

You’re either carrying drinks to your friends or initiating a card game or setting up group photos or singing karaoke. If you won’t stand still for two seconds, guys can’t approach you.

You’ll only dance alone

You’ll only dance alone

Men try to dance with you, in just a friendly manner, and you push them away. You’re determined to have your own giant bubble of space on the dance floor and any guy who sees that won’t feel comfortable approaching you off the dance floor, either.

You break eye contact instantly

You break eye contact instantly

If a guy catches your eye, you immediately look away. You may have just been shy, but to him that says, “I want nothing to do with you.”

You’re hovered over your cocktail

You’re hovered over your cocktail

You’re sitting at the bar alone, which at first seems approachable, but you’ve got your shoulders hunched and your neck hanging over your drink. That looks like you’re there to drink some depression away, and no guy wants to approach a depressed woman.

You’re flirting with a male friend

You’re flirting with a male friend

You’ve brought a male friend around to make another man jealous. Newsflash: those other man don’t know that that isn’t your boyfriend! If there is another man in the picture, nobody is approaching you.

 

You’re yelling at guys who pass by

You’re yelling at guys who pass by

You like to make your friends laugh, so as guys pass by, you yell at them, teasing their clothes or just generally being rowdy. That doesn’t make you fun: that makes you scary.

You’re wearing flip flops

You’re wearing flip flops

Flip flops are like a giant flashing sign that reads, “Get me out of here!” You don’t respect the venue enough to even wear decent shoes. You clearly want to be home in your pajamas.

You have your laptop case

You have your laptop case

If you have any sort of “activity” with you like a laptop or a book, men believe you just want to do your work or read your book in the environment of a bar, but be left alone.

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  • April

    If a man feels we should change us and not have fun for the slim chance a decent, nice, respectable man may come talk to us than NO THANK YOU…. thats what hookers are for LOL

  • Smart

    You should come to Toronto …its nothing but Feminists snotty miserable women here . Toronto is a dead city . Nothing to marry here , nothing . Straight men are not welcome here . Some girls have gay boyfriends don’t even know it . Idiots . Losers .

  • pendragon05

    These all presume being in a bar or nightclub. What about other places? BTW I’m married and still get approached by men, primarily the seniors (I live in FL) just about anywhere in public.

  • missmopar05

    So basically, change everything about yourself, then you can “win” a man. Laughable.

  • El Mayo Zambada

    everything is so true except for the under-dressed part.

  • michael perry

    thiis is one of the worst articles ever written. dont listen to this trash.

    • dave

      That stuff is supposed to bother guys?

  • Liz

    omg omg omg the picture of the black girl is Latoya from Youtube! Baahahahahahah

  • Rod Milton

    What I’ve learned over the years is that many women go out just to show off their new outfits and see how many dudes they can turn down. I be watching as dudes approach women and get turned down. I personally never approach females because all it does is stroke their ego. Most of the females I hook up with are from online.

    • BarryWhiteJr.

      Maybe those women recognize that these men are only approaching based on how cute they are. Would he approach, if she had on sweat pants, a t-shirt, and a little lip gloss.

  • joe

    I didn’t read though all of that.
    Jeez, put it on one page, would ya.
    Many men do not approach because they are tired of women sitting back letting us do all the approaching and the asking for the date.
    I got tired of that.
    Hell, they don’t even look at us with that interest.
    It’s like they ignore us, waiting for US to approach THEM.
    And some of them are screwy, and drama queens anyway.
    I no longer want a woman in my life.
    I have good books to read, my job and friends to fill my life.
    Signed,
    Single and happy.

    • Guest user

      aww you seem angry…just remember life opens up when you do.

  • Seriously

    Well with the Attitude Problem that many of the women have these days who the hell would want to Approach them.

    • stewie

      And some men’s attitudes are worse especially when he feels a woman owes him something just because he wants to “holla” at her.

  • Reality Check

    With so many Stuck Up women nowadays it is very hard to Approach one that won’t Reject us.

    • HarryHippie

      If every woman is rejecting, maybe it’s you, bruh.

  • Robert Sidney

    This is a female giving advice on male behavior? That’s like a male giving advice on female behavior.

  • Alina Emalian

    you dont want men to approach you. and you certainly dont want to go for it when they do

  • Mark Harder

    Speaking as one guy, there are some items here that are right on… Of course, the laptop says you’re there to accomplish something. But if it’s in a coffee shop, that’s not necessarily a turn-off. I might ask a woman about what she’s doing if she’s there with her laptop often. Going with a group is a deterrent to me because I feel it would be rude to single out one woman of a group for attention, while ignoring the others. On the other hand, it would be dishonest to make conversation with everyone when I’m really only interested in 1. Maybe that’s a lack of social skills on my part – wouldn’t be the first part. Paying a lot of attention to one guy, well obviously I won’t approach that one.

    But some of these items are not turnoffs at all. Just the opposite of being with a crowd is sitting at a table, or at the bar, or on the dance floor; and all of those things attract me. I tend to assume that if you’re in a social situation, you’re there to socialize. So what the heck? A woman who’s a little depressed, or sad is not necessarily a turnoff either. Maybe it’s only because I know all too well what that’s like. But I see it as an opportunity to relate on a deeper level. Of course, there must be other reasons she attracts me. I’

  • Keyser Soze

    Heres why women dont get approached: Feminism has convinced millions of men that simply going up and talking to a woman you are attracted to is a form of sexual harassment.

    • dea

      So wrong!!

  • Cara

    This is a list of things you should stop doing to make it easier for men to approach you. I’m not one to really care if I’m approached or not [If a guy can’t approach me when I’m in my natural state, whatever that may be at the time, then I don’t want to talk to him. Women should be free to do what they want and be who they want to be without worrying if they are repelling men.

    Pretty sure if you are having a night out with your 12 girls you aren’t really looking to be approached.

  • Bitch_You_Aint_No_Barbie

    This all just seems like too much. You can’t sit alone, but you can’t be with too many people. You have to be nice to guys other guys, but you can’t flirt with your guy friends, like gahtdang; Just come say hi if you want too lol

  • Amber Thomas

    What is this going out thing the article speaks of? Lol

  • Kristen

    Ughhh I’m SO tired of this topic! Men: forget all the “rules” and just approach the lady and be a gentleman about it. Ladies: don’t be rude, even if you don’t want to be bothered. Men: if she’s rude to you when you’re cordial then that’s all on her! Simple as that!

  • twocents

    This article seems to describe white people’s mingling issues. My observations have been that black women are often approached so forcefully and rudely that they employ techniques to ward off unwanted attention. Most black women I talk to would like to socialize in the world without being targeted by aggressive men. For example, a lot of women don’t smile at man X because they’re not interested in man X. They might read a book when lunching alone or on public transit to send a message that they want to be left alone. Most men take a hint, respect these known ploys, and move on but black men seem to differ in this regard. If we can talk about clearly observable patterns in men around the world–French men, Italian men, Latin men, Middle Eastern men, etc.–then there is nothing unusual in mentioning an observation regarding black American men.

    • twocents

      One more thing…a lot of women can see guy X coming and they’re not interested, and will not mislead guy X. If a women is interested, she reciprocates the interest. One doesn’t send signals of interest to people they’re not interested in. Of course, the writer may hear from readers that they need tips to be approached. I’m jut saying that I’ve never heard being approached to be an issue for black women. It’s how one is approached that is typically the issue.

  • DaGeneralPatton♑

    Wait! What is the male friend is my gay homie? These tips are messing me up!

    • Ms. Mckinney

      It don’t even matter, I go out with my man an other men still come running as soon as he head to the restroom or to go and buy a drink..

      Since im not looking for a man I have done most of these thing and most men just do not care they will come talk to you anyway

  • DaGeneralPatton♑

    Oh damn! What if I wanted to kick it in my Adidas that night? Dang!

  • DaGeneralPatton♑

    Um…what if you do not drink alcohol, tho? Is a ginger beer or ginger ale or soda…look bad?

    • Mark Harder

      I can’t drink, so where hard liquor is served I order selzer or tonic with a lime in it. Who can tell it’s not a G&T? Non-alcoholic beer also works.

      • DaGeneralPatton♑

        no one should have to do all of this to “fit in” with the alcohol-drinkers.

        • Mark Harder

          Quite true. I do it voluntarily, not because I have to. Perhaps your point is the important point. Don’t do something that compromises your integrity just so you can fit in – A lesson our parents try to teach us when we are young, because it should be with us all our lives…

      • Bean

        It’s funny cause I finally built up the confidence to go out and have a couple drinks alone since no one I know anymore really wants to go out anywhere and now I feel like a hopeless drunk at the bar by myself.

  • PuLLitYouWnt

    only thing i disagree with is the flip flops thing…i live in so.fl. flip flops are like a religion down here. there is a time and a place for them but for the most part everybody is wearing them and women 9 times outta 10 will have them on. especially if its spring or summer pretty much until the temp falls below 70. unless there is a dress code you can expect most people to be in sandals or flip flops.

  • hollyw

    Yeeeah…nice article, but I honestly don’t think it’s necessary, since I rarely hear women say,”Omg, I NEVER can get guys to approach me!” but usually “Omg I can’t even walk down the flucking block and be left alone! Can I live?!”

    Yeah. I’ve learned that you can get approached with a paper bag over ya head. I once intentionally put on a pissy face just so I wouldn’t be approached by some dude, only for him to come up and say,”You know you’d look prettier if you smiled.” UGHHHHHH!

    • ZTown

      When a dude just wants to smash, yes he will approach any woman. But assuming the article is about getting a decent dude, a lot of the tips could be helpful. Not to mention the fact that most courtships/relationships only happened because the man approached. So it’s not about men approaching, because that’s a given, it’s about getting better quality men to approach. My 2 cents.

      • Tahirah Henry

        Best comment I’ve read.

      • Keyser Soze

        Heres an idea: try approaching the men you like yourself, instead of passively expecting them to approach you like a spoiled, self-entitled brat

        • guest

          You are without a doubt under the age of 35.

    • Keyser Soze

      #femaleprivilege

      Easy and instant access to potential sexual mates is literally the #1 most powerful and evolutionarily desirable privilege a sexually reproducing biological species can possess. It is literally Ultimate Privilege a person can have.

      • hollyw

        I’m sorry , but I know of no reputable theory that supports that claim. S-xual power as the strongest sounds like the excuse Russell Simmons gave for making that lame Harriet Tubman p-rno. Vital, yes. Most powerful; absolutely not. No sociologist, psychologist, or even economist would agree with that.

  • Kath

    In other words, you should always dress with the thought of being approached in mind. Really now?

  • Dmax Lomax

    I think alot of cheap broke women make it bad for the other good women and vice verse for the cheap broke men. Also too too many ppl have to feel or act like they are stars to feel important. It’s sad, but too much fluff going on in todays clubbar scenes. You would think GROWN ppl know better.

    • Kristen

      Yup and that’s the bottom line.

  • Tonyoardee

    The phone is a killer

  • Tonyoardee

    The phone thing is an instant killer

    • Bean

      So I guess you stare at the sports game on the overhead tv although there is no sound,. like a zombie? I don’t go to parties where I ain’t invited. If a guy wants to talk to me, he will try. It goes both ways. Sitting there checking your Iphones… yeah. of us are not sluts and women who approach guys first are typically treated that way. Sorry to say. Men just aren’t made the way they used be, excuses excuses for not doing things the old fashioned way. For me I check my phone cause I am BORED.

  • SmacksAddict

    lol kind of a funny article right here but as a man i have to say a lot of this is true. why do so many women go out and then act like they don’t even want to be there i mean why spend all of that time and money getting ready to have a bitter beer face or text all night. i do have to agree though that always going out with your posse is not going to get you any serious play unless you’re like the weak gazelle in the pack that gets picked off by us lions haha.

    • coolyfett

      LOL @ Bitterbeerface!! I miss those commercials.

  • coolyfett

    Very interesting…..

  • xxdiscoxxheaven

    Lmao. According to this article, you need to stand in the middle of the dancefloor with a sign that say ” Talk to me!” to get noticed. Everything else reads “i am unavailable”.

    • hollyw

      LOL yes and I am just fine with that.