You Were Cute Until You Opened Your Mouth: The WeedHead

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February 7, 2013 ‐ By
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In second grade, I had two enemies: Reggie and his goofy sidekick, Jacob. I never really paid Reggie or Jacob any attention until the day Reggie said the most vile thing my eight year old ears had ever heard. On this particular day, our teacher Mrs. Peyton was out sick and we had a substitute. She was a little high-strung but other than that, the day was going on as planned. Our class was on our way back from lunch, walking in two lines, when Jacob, the sidekick burst out laughing. Gripping his stomach in discomfort, Jacob pointed in my direction.

With a look of intense disgust, I asked, lip snarled, “What?” That’s when Jacob told me, between bursts of laughter, that Reggie said I’d sucked his d!ck.

My mouth flew open in shock. I knew what they were talking about but the thought that another 8 year old would accuse me of such a thing was abhorrent. Something had to be done about this. In an attempt to do the right thing and use my words instead of my fists, I walked up to the substitute and told her what had just happened. She looked back at me in skepticism, just staring. Waiting for her to react, I asked her “Well, are you going to do anything?” And she said, “No, because I don’t believe you.”

To this day, I can’t remember the woman’s name, her face or anything else about her. But I remember what she said to me and how I spent the rest of the day in a rage, fighting back tears until I got home. Since I got no justice, I swore I would never forgive Reggie and Jacob. Luckily, after second grade, I didn’t have to interact with them anymore. In third grade we were all in a different class and after that I went to another elementary and middle school. I still don’t know what happened to Reggie but I saw Jacob again in high school.

It was freshman year. I had just gotten off the school bus and was walking into school, when I saw him for the first time since second grade. I recognized him immediately though he had changed significantly.The years had been very kind to him. He didn’t look goofy. He wasn’t the skinny, gangly boy who’d laughed at my expense. He was tall, chocolate, muscular with full lips and a nice smile. Jacob looked great but my memory had not faded. Even though he wasn’t the one that said it, he laughed just a little too hard. And after 7 years, I still wasn’t ready to forgive. I had no intention of speaking to him.

But I didn’t have to. A couple weeks after I’d noticed him, he called me out.

“Veronica, Veronica Wells.” 

“Hi Jacob.” I gave him just a slight smile instead of a sincere one, to let him know what I hadn’t forgotten. But then he flashed me a smile of his own and subconsciously, I returned it.

From that day on, I’d walk into school with Jacob. For maybe two weeks, this little arrangement was cool. I brought up the incident from second grade. He didn’t remember it but he laughed it off and apologized, giving me some type of “boys will be boys” excuse. I moved past it.

Everything was gravy, until one day I noticed homeboy wasn’t saying anything. Every morning, the most that would come out of his mouth was “Wassup Veronica.” I’d respond accordingly, ask him how he was doing and his response was always something along the lines of “I’m chillin’,” or “I’m cool, you know.” Umm no Jacob I really didn’t know.

Eventually, our morning constitutionals started to annoy me immensely. Why did this gorgeous boy, who was obviously interested in me too, have the personality of a saltine?!

I might have continued speaking and walking with Jacob in the mornings but one day he did something that I just couldn’t excuse. After another terribly boring conversation, he reached the doors to our school before I did. Now, you would think in two weeks this would have happened by now, but our school was huge, so the doors were usually flung open already as a mob of kids pushed and shoved their way into school. But this day, we got to it first. I took a half step back to let Jacob get to the door. As expected, he opened it. But what I didn’t expect was for him to walk through it first, practically letting it slam in my face.

I can’t remember my exact thoughts at the time, but I’m sure they were something along the lines of: “what the %(*)()$?!”

This just could not be. It’s one thing to be boring. It’s an entirely different thing to have no manners. I was done. In the mornings, I either picked up the pace, or fell back, letting everyone get off the bus before me, so I wouldn’t have to speak or walk with Jacob anymore.

I really didn’t keep up with him the rest of freshman year. But three years later, my younger sister’s friend, a junior, started dating him when we were seniors. Naturally, I was interested in how their relationship would progress. She seemed to be so into him. I just knew it would only be a matter of time. And sure enough, she told my sister that Jacob was heavy into marijuana. He didn’t sell it but he indulged…often. Being young and naive, it wasn’t a problem for my sister’s friend. She defended him and would later go on to adopt Ciara and Field Mob’s “So What,” as the theme song for their relationship. Because no one understood their struggle. Eventually, even she grew up and outgrew Jacob’s lack of personality, lack of ambition and minor drug habit.

I’m glad I never got involved with that foolishness and had enough sense to leave him at the door.

Have you ever found yourself interested in someone who was physically gorgeous but lacked personality or common decency?

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  • AforAva

    I feel like texting is based on communicating through abbreviations and short hand and such, therefore to feel like someone should text you in complete words n sentences is a little much IMHO. Maybe you guys should have phone conversation rather than text each other.

  • Guest

    This works both ways, as a guy i’ve meet more than a few female air heads who felt their looks would get them through life.

  • Reese

    I definitely cannot deal with a man with no personality. I recently met a guy that had all the outward qualifications good looking, good job, oh yeah good looking, and pretty much was stable in his career (own crib, own car, working on his MBA). But I’d rather watch paint dry than to attempt to have a conversation with him. I’m lively and he was so conservative. Blah!

  • Kiki

    Can we acknowledge the fact that our f’d up rape culture goes all the way to second grade? A little girl went to her teacher (another woman even) said she had been sexually harassed (basically) and was told she was lying. That was the worst part

    • Reese

      I noticed that too. The burden of proof is point onto the victim.

  • sabrina

    I also get turned off easily when a guy cusses too much. When I met you, you were polite and spoke well. Then we get on the phone and you cussin’ it up like a sailor. Oh no, can’t have all that mess.

    • Reese

      I am guilty of this and I know I need to do better. Behind closed doors I can and will cuss like a sailor, it’s just a hard habit to break. I know it is very unattractive and isn’t reflective of my personality but it takes away from.

  • Kahekili

    “Have you ever found yourself interested in someone who was physically gorgeous but lacked personality or common decency?”

    Never! I don’t know why people think the two are related.

    A guy being dumb turns me off immediately, no matter how good he looks.

  • Say What?

    One of my biggest pet peeves is people with with a lack of proper spelling, grammar and punctuation. English has always been my favorite subject in school and I hate getting text or reading papers with obvious spelling and grammatical errors. I understand that everyone makes mistakes, but to do it purposely seems lazy and it’s unattractive to me.

    • chanela

      omg your so right!

      LMAOOO j/k (it killed me to right that instead of you’re… ok now i feel better)

      • Guest Editor

        Did you intentionally put “right” instead of “write”?

    • chanela

      omg your so right!

      LMAOOO j/k (it killed me to right that instead of you’re… ok now i feel better)

    • Guest Editor

      For a minute I thought you were saying that in reference to the manner in which Madame Noire consistently makes spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. This article is no exception.

      • Say What?

        No, I was referring to the loser in the article.

  • Sagittarius81

    I once had a crush on this guy back in college and then one day I said hi to him, he started to speak jive and Ebonics mixed and I can not understand what the he!! he was saying, it was this guy needed some sort of subtitle under him when he talks. I was like “okay Mercedes, walk away from this guy slowly. I even wondered how the heck this guy made it out of high school and got accepted to NIU.

  • mac

    Yes! I met the most gorgeous guy about last month. He gave me his number, and at first I wasn’t gonna hit him up because he came off incredibly arrogant, but he was so fine I had to make an exception just one time out of curiosity lol (don’t judge me!)

    Anyway, after a couple conversations it was clear this guy had the conversational skills of a rock (and that’s generous). Text convos consisted of “wyd”, “i’m chillin”, and then nothing. I tried to engage this guy on so many topics, from sports to movies….. but nothing.

    My curiosity and my attraction was quickly killed. I’m only enthralled by looks for so long. If a man can’t hold at least a semi stimulating convo, I’m over it VERY easily.

    • yeppers

      I had a similar situation…a CUTE guy pursued the hell outa me for my number and gave me his…and when I FINALLY hit him up. He was a ONE WORD TEXTER…AND I DO NOT PLAY THAT… If i send you a 2 sentence text and u write me back “yeah”, or “ok”, or YES… consider your number deleted. aint nobody got time for that. Especially when u gave me your number talking bout hit me up. Yeah. NO.

    • Kahekili

      Ha! I had an old time male friend text me with the ‘wyd’ line and other text speak. I told him that we were not teenagers and that he needed to speak (text) in full words and sentences to me.