Why Is My Friend Always Crying Broke? Oh Yeah, It’s The Poverty Of Her Mind

September 28th, 2012 - By Marissa Ellis

istock

The last time I traveled back to my hometown in California, I did the usual of inviting old friends to Friday night dinner. These are friends who I’ve known from either junior high, high school, or college. When I sent out the email request to said friends, I already knew the kind of response I would get from one of them.

Lashawn: Girl, I’m so broke this month. I can’t make dinner but I would love to see you. When are you leaving town?

*Sigh*

You’d think from this brief piece of information I’m sharing with you that Lashawn just didn’t care to see me. Well, it’s not so simple. Lashawn is actually one of the most sweetest and encouraging friends in my life. Although we don’t talk all the time, she takes the initiative when reaching out, never misses a birthday, and always checks up on me when she knows I’ve been going through some stuff. We met in junior high and I had always felt proud to have her in my circle of friends…until I realized that she may never grow up.

It’s been ten years since we graduated college and Lashawn’s situation definitely reinforces the meaning behind the saying “you are what you believe you are.” For Lashawn, that belief is that one of being perpetually broke.

Do you have a friend like this? A friend that never seems not to be broke. Who seems to be too comfortable with the idea of not spending a dime more than they have to? Who won’t go out for a drink unless it involves happy hour?

It’s draining to say the least, because it’s not about her personal finances; it’s about the poverty that she believes herself to be in. Lashawn has always worked a decent job, has always lived at home, and has never been stupid with her spending. In other words, I know she is not broke; it’s just that she’s married to the image of her being broke. It’s kept her from so many great things that her friends (even those who have far less) have had the chance to experience, like travel.

Although I questioned Lashawn’s approach to life, she swore to me that she had various random bills that kept her from being financially stable enough to do everything she’s wanted to do. It’s her defense, of course.

During my last trip, I did finally tell her that it was rude of her not to go out to a meal considering that I came to town three times per year. She did go out to dinners once in a while after all. Who knows? Maybe she didn’t want to run the risk of splitting tax and tip with four other people.

I understand people playing the “broke” card in their early twenties but at a certain point in life, one has to manage her finances without crying broke every time a social outing comes up. It’s especially hard when you see someone with so much potential and so full of life shortchange herself with these lame expectations of her life. As long as Lashawn has been talking about taking her dream trip to Paris, it still hasn’t happened. Although buying a plane ticket to Paris is as easy as saving part of two month’s pay, she can’t seem to understand she’s deserving of something so great.

What would it do for her life if she just changed the way she saw herself? It would change immensely. Sadly, she still can’t see that despite all the examples of friends and colleagues exemplifying otherwise.

 

More on Madame Noire!

Tags:

, , ,
More from StyleBlazer
More from MommyNoire

Comment Disclaimer

Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

  • MsMotherSister

    I’m not sure how old the writer of this article is but surely by now she should have learned to never call another adult’s finances. Don’t just assume because your friend is a college graduate with a decent job and lives at home doesn’t have any reason to not spend her money hanging out with you. She could be paying student loans, the IRS, credit card bills, or God forbid mob debt. You don’t know. Or she might not be overly fond of the people you hang out with. Either way it goes, don’t just assume because the 3 times a year you show up in your hometown and she doesnt want to hang out that she has no real reason to hang out with you.

  • TatumPascal

    Unless you are looking at her paystubs and going through her bills, who are you to side eye her brokeness?

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/thesapphireempress96?feature=results_main A.J.

    I understand the concept of someone changing their mindset so that they don’t have a “being broke” mentality, and there are some people who never offer to pay for anything, even when they can. That’s not good. But at the same time, people spend and manage their money in different ways. It’s better to be a bit of a miser (miserette?) for a period of time, and then be able to spend funds the way that you want to, than to dole out amounts here and there rush to catch up later. (Just to clarify, I’m not saying that people should be cruel, or refrain from helping others out when they really need it). Living carefully can ward off a lot of financial problems down the line. Just because someone isn’t a spendthrift doesn’t mean that they have issues.

  • IllyPhilly

    I don’t like this article. Sorry couldn’t think of anything witty to say, “I don’t like this article”, except by saying that I don’t like this article.

  • Ann

    I bet she can find money to pay for some expensive purse or shoes that has a designer name on it. We always cry we don’t have any money, but we can find money to do whatever we want to do if it benefits us.

  • cassandra

    i know someone who complained about paying $7 to a very special and important event of mine…she refused to pay even to be with her “best friend”. yet she has money for other random crap! for the event i had i spent over $800 and she can’t spare $7?? REALLY? SMH

  • chanela

    this is crazy!! i know someone exactly like this! i also knew her since middle school. i’d ask if she would want to go to FREE stuff and she would say ” i’m broke” um.. really? it’s free!

    she cries broke constantly yet when you stop asking her to go places because of her constantly getting mad and saying “with what money?” (even if it’s free or i offer to pay) then she gets mad for you NOT inviting her.

  • Candacey Doris

    That mindset will keep her comfortable and in the black when she’s old. Maybe the reason she always says she can’t afford to go out is because she’s saving for something more important than a frivolous trip to France? No matter what the reason, it’s not really anyone else’s business what she does or doesn’t spend money on. If she’s being a good friend, be one back and find cheap or free things to do with her.

    • chanela

      what if they refuse to do cheap or free things even when they’re not doing anything? they wonder why they are constantly living in boredom yet when someone offers them to go out they refuse to and then whine ,have a pity party and guilt-trip others just because the other people decided to have fun in their lives. they think everything is unfair when they aren’t even trying to change their situation. smh

      • Beautiful Mic

        Better to live in boredom than to live with the debt and lack of wealth from spending on unnecessary things. Why is it that people don’t know how to organize and schedule happenings, get togethers, where people don’t have to come out of pocket like that?

      • Beautiful Mic

        Better to live in boredom than to live with the debt and lack of wealth from spending on unnecessary things. Why is it that people don’t know how to organize and schedule happenings, get togethers, where people don’t have to come out of pocket like that?

        • chanela

          that’s the thing. i AM inviting this person to things where they don’t have to come out of pocket. that was the point of my comment. i’m inviting this person i know to places that are free as hell but they STILL say ” oh i can’t go i’m broke”. that’s why i’m annoyed by it. especially after you invited them, they declined,but then complain and say “it’s not fair how you get to always have fun” and “nobody ever invites me anywhere” when you JUST did!

          • Candacey Doris

            Some times taking the time when you could be working can make you feel like you’re wasting money. Or driving somewhere gives you the feeling because gas is too pricey right now. But if they don’t want to go out and it’s free or really cheap, then accept it ad go with someone else. You can’t force anyone to go out. Just accept your friends as they are. You can’t change them anymore than you could change a man.

  • Eggy

    Why does spending time with your friend have to involve dinner or spending money? If her friendship is as valuable as you say it is, better grab your tennis shoes and stroll around the park for free…..

  • Eggy

    Why does spending time with your friend have to involve dinner or spending money? If her friendship is as valuable as you say it is, better grab your tennis shoes and stroll around the park for free…..

    • chanela

      i offered my friend to go for a walk at the park or beach or whatever and she said she didn’t have any money. now what the hell you need money for that for? it was down the street. SMH

  • JustSayin

    I’m confused. *Looks around* Yup… that is what I thought… Its 2012. People have bills. California is way more expensive then other states and even if that isn’t the case maybe you need to adjust your budget to work with her. Plenty of times my friends & I were low on funds and we made it a house date. Threw in a movie, had some dinner and had a great night. You are just extra bootsie. Idk whether to call you self-absorbed or just plain out right stupid. Just get out my face… just ugh.

  • JustSayin

    I’m confused. *Looks around* Yup… that is what I thought… Its 2012. People have bills. California is way more expensive then other states and even if that isn’t the case maybe you need to adjust your budget to work with her. Plenty of times my friends & I were low on funds and we made it a house date. Threw in a movie, had some dinner and had a great night. You are just extra bootsie. Idk whether to call you self-absorbed or just plain out right stupid. Just get out my face… just ugh.

  • Cc

    Hello its a recession and i dont have any red lobster money sorry !

  • MLS2698

    IDK. A classmate just told me yesterday that a friend of hers asked her to go out to lunch. My classmate suggested maybe ” Subway ” or another inexpensive place, but they ended up going to ” Joe’s Crab Shack,” and spending $30 per person. Afterwards, my classmate complained ( she’s truly broke all the time) that, she no longer had money to get her hair fixed and was disappointed about being asked out casually, having a belly full, but a nappy head. I explained that, even though it was her friend, she should have been more aggressive about where they could dine based on the depth of her own pockets. So, I don’t agree.

  • Papillon

    Is Lashawn asking you for money? If not, it isn’t your business what she spends (or doesn’t spend) her money on. And if she’s as good a friend as you say, you’ll either pay for her dinner, or find a cheaper/free alternative that you both can enjoy. Why does spending money have to = a good time?

    Sorry, but I hate when people make judgements about how I spend my money when they aren’t footing the bill.

    • chanela

      that’s the thing papillon. the person i know will cry broke even though they aren’t JUST to get people to pay for them so THEY won’t have to pay.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=551680935 Eric McDaniel

        You’ve been complaining about your friend this whole thread. Maybe, in your case, the person you’re talking to just doesn’t want to be around you. That’s life sometimes.

  • JustAThought

    Sometimes people use the “I’m broke” line when they don’t feel like being bothered with you or your other friends. Group dinners can get expensive and maybe she doesn’t want spend her hard earned money on dinners with people she’s not really feeling.

    • Papillon

      I never say “I’m broke” but I have said “it’s not in the budget” or some variation. And yeah, it’s usually when I’m trying to get someone off my back about spending my money on something that I just don’t want to. I find most things to be a waste of money, but I can’t be rude and say that, so that’s when I break out the “budget” line.

  • Kate

    I have come to appreciate people like her. My mom and my sister is like that. Especially my sister. She’s damn near rich and won’t spend a dime, double checks her receipts, will hold the line up for pennies…..I started taking pages out of their books and have come to respect it. I don’t know about your friend tho ? Broke people with money have no problem spending money on something they want. She must didn’t like someone else who was going or something lol .

    • MLS2698

      I take all of my loose change and put it into a jar. When it’s full, I go to my bank and dump it into a coin machine that puts the cash directly into my account ( I can access it by getting in line to retrieve). Anyway, it’s usually about $80 in that lil’ jar. And I like looking at the receipt that comes out of the coin counter telling me exactly how man quarters, nickels, dimes and pennies I saved.

    • Beautiful Mic

      “Broke people with money have no problem spending money on something they want.”

      You’re speaking of broke people with no money who have no self control and no financial goals… not all broke people…

      • Kate

        It was a joke. How can a broke person have money ? I was speaking on the people who always cry broke but are far from broke. “Broke people with money”…that describes my family fairly well.

  • Smiley

    Do you know if she has an illness that all of her money goes to? Is she taking care of family? Perhaps she has poor personal finance skills. Maybe there is something you don’t know about her life. Sometimes as friends we assume we know everything about someone when we really know nothing.

  • OSHH

    Um is she on her own? Because the cost of living is not a joke out here esp when you are own and paying all your monthly bills/expenses by yourself. Maybe she really doesn’t have the cash to spend on social activities *shrug*..in my mind thats not too hard to fathom.
    If you are fortunate enough to have dispoable income, I am happy for you, but for alot of people that is not the case.

    • Limaide

      I totally agree, being broke is a reality to some in this darn age and time. The economy causes people to hold onto to every dime they have. I never assume when it comes to folks, cause I’d rather cry broke and watch my dollars then trying to keep up with the Jones and have no money.

    • Beautiful Mic

      Exactly, many people don’t have parents and other extended relatives, wealthy and loyal friends (or suga daddies/mommas) to fall back on in times of need (and, sometimes, in times of want). And some people are simply uber independent and/or carefully spend their money to meet financial goals (like never having to take out a personal loan, open aCC account, or paying off their student loan debt before they grow grey hairs)

Get the MadameNoire
Newsletter The best stories sent right to your inbox!
close [x]