Think You’re Moving Too Fast? Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Slow Down

March 4, 2012  |  
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Our generation are the masters of casual dating. Send a “I miss you” text too soon, ask him to go away for the weekend within only the first couple months, plan a second date within the same week as the first and your friends raise an eyebrow. “Don’t rush things” they say. Stories like those of our grandparents, meeting, falling in love and marrying within a year just don’t exist anymore. And while, I personally don’t advocate rushing marriage, is it really so bad to rush other things?

Time waits for no one

Some women worry, when they meet a guy who they like and who likes them back, that if they spend too much time together too soon, they’ll burn out on each other. But get real. Being with someone isn’t about having enough things to talk about or finding enough new adventures to go on. It’s about a feeling you have around them. And that is something that either never runs out, or was just bound to—regardless of how much time you spent together.


If you think you feel it, you do

Ever find yourself missing a guy—I mean strongly noticing his absence and wishing he was there—after only a few dates? You’re not crazy. You’re not clingy. You could just be connected. If that same guy texts you something like, “Is it weird that I miss you already?” don’t freak out! Allow yourself to enjoy the fact that there is clearly something special happening there. Someone doesn’t need to have been in your life for years to leave a very strong impression on you.

Travel time

When you fall for someone, you instantly want to vacation with them. That’s what new love birds want—to go away, cuddle and have sex all day in between meals, sleep, and maybe a few meals out of the hotel room. You may crave that already within the first month of seeing somebody, but you may think it’s too soon to act on it. And it’s true that traveling together can be the end of a relationship for some because the two people drive each other nuts in a confined space, and with all the stresses that come with travel. But guess what? That’s good for you to know. And if it was going to happen now, it was no less likely to happen in a year.

You want to share

We’re warned against sharing too much of ourselves too soon with someone. But sometimes, you meet someone and you want to show them everything about yourself. If the guy is showing the same signs—if he already wants to introduce you to his best friends, read you essays he wrote in high school, show you his favorite spots in town that he goes alone to think—don’t hold the same info back from him. We fear that we’ll feel like a fool for making ourselves so vulnerable if things don’t work out. But, if they don’t work out, don’t regret it. You were taking a shot on something that could have been special. It’s rare two people meet who feel so instantly linked—you deserve a gold star for being brave and seeing where that went.

Having sex too soon

Do you worry that sleeping together too soon will ruin things? That suddenly, you’ll lose interest in each other? Well, that absolutely might happen. But if it does, it was going to happen if you waited 6 months to sleep together as well. Why? Because humans are sexual beings. Sorry to break it to you but, often what you think is feelings of genuinely liking someone, is just feelings of wanting to tear their clothes off. That is why people often lose interest in each other after sex, but hey—better to know if that is the case now than longer down the line! I’m not saying sleep with him on date #1. But I would avoid ridiculous rules like “no sex for 90 days” or until date #20.

Meeting his parents

He invites you to meet his parents. You’re flattered. You’re blushing because this means he clearly likes you. And you’re thinking, “Am I just being a fool in love? Are we putting too much faith in this thing by already parading it around in front of his family?” Look—times have changed. Our parents understand that our generation dates a lot. They don’t necessarily think that we only bring home the ones we plan on marrying. So don’t worry about getting their hopes up. Also, it’s great to see the guy interact with his parents. You’ll learn a lot about him. Things that will be valuable to know.

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  • Tessa McMillan

    Don’t let anybody pressure you into having sex! There’s no need to have sex ever! Be safe and protect your body! Don’t let any man (or this article) talk you into doing something dangerous with your body! Take care of yourselves….

  • DazzleVixen

    I know I’ve found the man I want and that he cares for me (still have my FB status as “complicated” because I’m not convinced that he’s stopped looking). As we are seniors, marriage is not important – we both have grown children. We can never move “too fast” because statistically we have 20-30 years remaining at the outside. We met online in November and see each other generally every Saturday thru Sunday and also Tuesday nights just for a square dance lesson and a kiss before going our separate ways. I plan to move closer to his area because he has various relatives there and mine are all in other states. (also I can make a good profit by selling this house and buying in his area). I have many indications that he cares, but I am still concerned that he has not introduced me to local family. My children have all heard about him and seen his photo. He joined my recreationist group and they know we shared a tent on one weekend. His friends in square dance know that we are partners in that (at least) and have some matching outfits – He bought some and I’m making more.

  • Ladybug94

    Every situtation is different.  Some people go out on one date and assume they are already in a relationship without anything being discussed.  It’s usually the woman assuming they are in relationship and the man thinking they are just hanging out.  In a few instances it’s the other way around but people definitely need to do more communicating on specifics of their relationship instead of assumptions.

  • MixedUpInVegas

    A lot depends on the relative ages and experience of the two lovers.  Very young lovers are notorious for hot romances that flare out fast.  Older lovers have had more experience in life, love and the opposite sex and may be in a better position to recognize a good potential partnership and seize it before it gets away.

    I’m sure most people have had what looked like promising loves come into their lives that ended in disappointment.  Only a few loves will be the lasting one, so if you think you have found it, grab it!

  • Cowards may die many times before their death

  • Fdgerye43253

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  • Kurojin

     the editors should learn/know the difference between “your” and “you’re”!

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  • Editor

    Please edit before posting! Be professional! I want to share so many articles with my friends (because of their content), but I am always concerned that those who are not Women of Color will look at them and think, “these Black people can’t even write on a professional blog,” and that those who are Women of Color will question why I am “reading something obviously written by high school kids who still don’t know how to write.”   We have got to do better, people.
    And please, for the love of all that is good in the world, please take down those annoying video clips! I hate trying to read articles while hearing this noise in the background, or closing tabs because I can’t figure out from where the sound is coming, only to find it to be your site.  Getting rid of slideshows and making articles one page would be nice, too. Slideshows are slow to load, and they are just annoying.


    Come on Madame Noire, where is your copy editor. Please don’t put a big bold faced “YOUR” instead of “you’re” on the front page of the site, the heading of the article and then all 7 pages of the article!! Makes you look like a bunch of teenagers trying to give grown up advice.

  • Osie

    It’s you’re, dumbass.  Learn to spell before you try blogging.  Nobody needs (bad) love advice from someone who can’t even spell.

  • Regina

    I would love to take a chance and share everything with that special someone… develop a much richer and deeper relationship on all social and emotional aspect.

  • Regina

    Someone doesn’t need to have been in your life for years to leave a very strong impression on you……..I  strongly agree…it is what they call chemistry…….but what does any of this matter if God says he or she is yours…..I am just no nonsense.

  • Regina

    As far as the situation of burning one another out to soon…is simply a thought at the beginning of a relationship because that person wants the relationship to last, although they know it will….just thought of a beginning relationship.

  • Truth

    I married after four months of dating!!!!!!!!! 

    • Regina

      How long have you guys been together now….and do you believe this person is your soul mate or not and if so why?

  • Regina

    Those stories of our grandparents falling in love and staying together for 30 and 40 years I do believe exist… just have to believe that it still exist or you might miss that special someone…that special relationship that will last.

    • Truth

       They exist…

    • sweettea

      They still exist. I got married after dating 4 months

      • sweettea

        9th anniversary is tomorrow

  • Freshtadef

    Where were u like 6 months ago? good article but I do agree with appljuicekiss lol

  • Mangoago

    Yeah just do what feels right to you. Not everyone is going to agree on relation situations. If you think you’re moving to fast, then slow down and vice versa. It’s your life

  • Appljuicekiss

    Come on, jaustin, the title should be “Think *you’re* moving too fast?…”

    • Me

      I clicked on the link JUST to make this point.

    • Free Girl

      That first paragraph is filled with grammatical mistakes. It’s embarrassing. I don’t think confusing your and you’re was a typo, but reflects poor language skills. Pull the whole article and start again.