Think You’re Moving Too Fast? Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Slow Down
Our generation are the masters of casual dating. Send a “I miss you” text too soon, ask him to go away for the weekend within only the first couple months, plan a second date within the same week as the first and your friends raise an eyebrow. “Don’t rush things” they say. Stories like those of our grandparents, meeting, falling in love and marrying within a year just don’t exist anymore. And while, I personally don’t advocate rushing marriage, is it really so bad to rush other things?
Time waits for no one
Some women worry, when they meet a guy who they like and who likes them back, that if they spend too much time together too soon, they’ll burn out on each other. But get real. Being with someone isn’t about having enough things to talk about or finding enough new adventures to go on. It’s about a feeling you have around them. And that is something that either never runs out, or was just bound to—regardless of how much time you spent together.
If you think you feel it, you do
Ever find yourself missing a guy—I mean strongly noticing his absence and wishing he was there—after only a few dates? You’re not crazy. You’re not clingy. You could just be connected. If that same guy texts you something like, “Is it weird that I miss you already?” don’t freak out! Allow yourself to enjoy the fact that there is clearly something special happening there. Someone doesn’t need to have been in your life for years to leave a very strong impression on you.
When you fall for someone, you instantly want to vacation with them. That’s what new love birds want—to go away, cuddle and have sex all day in between meals, sleep, and maybe a few meals out of the hotel room. You may crave that already within the first month of seeing somebody, but you may think it’s too soon to act on it. And it’s true that traveling together can be the end of a relationship for some because the two people drive each other nuts in a confined space, and with all the stresses that come with travel. But guess what? That’s good for you to know. And if it was going to happen now, it was no less likely to happen in a year.
You want to share
We’re warned against sharing too much of ourselves too soon with someone. But sometimes, you meet someone and you want to show them everything about yourself. If the guy is showing the same signs—if he already wants to introduce you to his best friends, read you essays he wrote in high school, show you his favorite spots in town that he goes alone to think—don’t hold the same info back from him. We fear that we’ll feel like a fool for making ourselves so vulnerable if things don’t work out. But, if they don’t work out, don’t regret it. You were taking a shot on something that could have been special. It’s rare two people meet who feel so instantly linked—you deserve a gold star for being brave and seeing where that went.
Having sex too soon
Do you worry that sleeping together too soon will ruin things? That suddenly, you’ll lose interest in each other? Well, that absolutely might happen. But if it does, it was going to happen if you waited 6 months to sleep together as well. Why? Because humans are sexual beings. Sorry to break it to you but, often what you think is feelings of genuinely liking someone, is just feelings of wanting to tear their clothes off. That is why people often lose interest in each other after sex, but hey—better to know if that is the case now than longer down the line! I’m not saying sleep with him on date #1. But I would avoid ridiculous rules like “no sex for 90 days” or until date #20.
Meeting his parents
He invites you to meet his parents. You’re flattered. You’re blushing because this means he clearly likes you. And you’re thinking, “Am I just being a fool in love? Are we putting too much faith in this thing by already parading it around in front of his family?” Look—times have changed. Our parents understand that our generation dates a lot. They don’t necessarily think that we only bring home the ones we plan on marrying. So don’t worry about getting their hopes up. Also, it’s great to see the guy interact with his parents. You’ll learn a lot about him. Things that will be valuable to know.