Remember that, unless you’re in an open relationship, sex is the one thing that truly separates your relationship with your partner, from your relationships with everybody else. He’s the only person you do it with. That in and of itself is part of the intimacy.
A lot of men would never ask their serious partners to do the things they’ve seen in X-rated films because they put their partners on some unrealistic pedestal. They can’t possibly lust after someone the way they do their adult stars and respect that same woman. I’m glad my partner doesn’t have that issue. He respects and loves me, and wants me to be a freak in bed. He can happily see me as a respectable individual, and someone who is kinky.
It’s also possible that, if you never initiate, you could provoke paranoia in your partner. He might think that you don’t initiate sex with him because you get what you need by masturbating, alone, to the thought of someone else.
if you were a kinky couple before you had kids, you don’t have to stop just because you had to turn your vibrator closet into a diaper pantry.