How To Stay Kinky After You Have Kids
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If you’re a really kinky couple—I’m talking sex dungeon, chest of goodies, threesomes, and the whole shebang—having kids makes maintaining your untraditional sex life a little, well, complicated. Heck, having kids makes keeping up even a regular, run of the mill sex life difficult so adding any sort of something extra to that is just one more challenge. But if you were a kinky couple before you had kids, you don’t have to stop just because you had to turn your vibrator closet into a diaper pantry. In fact, you shouldn’t, because then it can feel like having children negatively influenced your bond. This isn’t good for your romantic relationship or your family. You don’t want to resent your kids or feel less connected to your partner. So, here are tips on staying kinky, even after you have kids.
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Put a lock on your toys
Put a giant padlock on your sex toys chest. This doesn’t only keep your kids out of it but actually makes it even more exciting for you because there is an added sense of off-limits to the chest. You can play dominant/submissive games where you only give your partner the key to the chest after he’s obeyed certain orders.
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Take threesomes or swinging elsewhere
If you’re into bringing other people into your sex life, just ask them to host. Get a babysitter on those nights and do your swinging/have your threesomes at the other person’s home or a hotel. This even works to heighten the excitement because you’re removed from your ordinary home surroundings.
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Soundproof your bedroom walls
If you’re seriously kinky, you could have your bedroom walls sound-proofed. If you have a dungeon, this is a must.
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Or put your kid’s in a room far away
If you have a large enough house, set up your children’s room across the house. You can, of course, keep walkie-talkies on in your room and theirs so you can always hear if they need you (the microphone will be off on your end, naturally).
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Try an office rendezvous
Try doing it in places where you could get caught, and even get in trouble…This is kinky whether or not you have children. But if you have kids, this could be a great time to start taking your sex life out of the bedroom.
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Use code words
Develop code words to talk to your partner about your sex life in a way that your children won’t understand. This ends up feeling incredibly provocative because you can use your code words to tell your partner raunchy things you’re going to do to him later…right in front of the grocery store clerk.
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Teach your kids to accept who they are
If you and your partner are kinky then you should accept it because if you don’t accept who you are, your kids will sense it, and they won’t accept who they are. Keeping up your kinky sex life can be a good way to keep an open mind, and keep the importance of self-acceptance of the forefront of your brain, so you can teach it to your children.
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Play the Strangers game at a hotel
Play the Strangers game. Meet at a hotel lobby bar wearing disguises and pretend to be entirely new people, meeting for the first time. Pack a suitcase full of nothing but your sex toys and get a room. This also gives you and your partner much-needed one-on-one time after you have kids.
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Remember, you don’t have to answer every question
Don’t feel pressured to answer every question your child has. If your child accidentally finds one of your sex toys, you can simply tell him, “That’s one of my private items” and take it away. He isn’t entitled to every piece of information about your life. You already hide the fact that the tooth fairy is fake, so why not tell a little white lie about your anal beads?
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Keep food food and sex food separate
Make a conscious effort to keep food food and sex food separate. If you use strawberries in sex but don’t finish them, keep them in a mini fridge in your room or throw them out. You don’t want your child accidentally eating something that was on your…never mind.
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Use items you already have
If you don’t want to keep sex toys in the house once you have kids, you can get creative with things you already have like belts, silk scarves, and duct tape.
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Get into muffles and gags
Need to keep your partner quiet while you’re the dominant one? Get into muffles and gags. They’re quite effective at silencing a partner and quite erotic.
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Play the don’t make a sound game
If you like a challenge, you can forego the gags and play the “don’t make a sound” game. In this one, you challenge each other to be as quiet as possible during sex. The whole thing takes on an air of secrecy that’s really sexy.
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Noise-proof your bed
Put a thick rug under your bed, tighten the bolts on the frame, and move the whole thing away from the wall. If your bed will be moving around a lot during your sex games, you need it to be quiet.
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Give your kids white noise machines
To up your efforts to keep your kids from hearing you, you can also give them white noise machines. These will also help your kids sleep better, so everybody wins.
