"If She Hadn't Put Herself In That Situation..." Women Who've Made Excuses For Men's Bad Behavior

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It’s a well-known fact that men enable other men and rarely hold one another accountable for their actions, but we find it particularly disturbing and disappointing when women make excuses for men’s bad behavior — especially when another woman is the victim of those poor choices. We understand the rush to defend a friend and we know how hard it can be to believe someone close to us could commit an egregious offense. But when it comes to racist remarks, rape accusations, and domestic abuse, there’s just no excuse for making excuses. Here are women who made excuses for men’s bad behavior and, in some instances, even shamed other women affected by those actions.

Wendy Williams

When rape accusations surfaced against Nelly this past weekend, many immediately began to question the rapper’s judgment, given the circumstances surrounding the incident. But not Wendy Williams, she, instead, questioned the 21-year-old woman accusing him, saying “If she hadn’t put herself in this situation this would not have happened, allegedly.”

Donna Karen

In a similar vein, 69-year-old fashion designer Donna Karen turned her attention to the women who’ve been victimized by Harvey Weinstein for decades rather than the predatory film producer himself. When asked her thoughts on the scandal on the red carpet at the CinéFashion Film Awards on Sunday she said:

“I think we have to look at ourselves. Obviously, the treatment of women all over the world is something that has always had to be identified. Certainly in the country of Haiti where I work, in Africa, in the developing world, it’s been a hard time for women.

“To see it here in our own country is very difficult, but I also think how do we display ourselves? How do we present ourselves as women? What are we asking? Are we asking for it by presenting all the sensuality and all the sexuality?”

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Jill Scott

When Bill Cosby’s decades-long history of alleged sexual misconduct made headlines again, Jill Scott initially didn’t even consider the accusations as plausible. In fact, she tweeted in response:

“all I can think of reading all this is the parents confessing they lied bout their child being abused by Michael. ⏰ will tell”

When she was called out by several followers, she went on to defend Cosby, calling the allegations hearsay and an attempt by media to destroy his legacy.

Unsurprisingly, her tune changed once AP released details from a 2005 deposition in which Cosby admitted to obtaining “Quaaludes with the intent of giving them to young women he wanted to have sex with.”

Whoopi Goldberg

Whoopi Goldberg actually defended Bill Cosby several times before backtracking. In one instance, she even had to defend herself from threats, which she did, proclaiming:

“The bottom line is, that’s the law, innocent until proven guilty….No one here thinks rape is good. No one here thinks rapists are fun. So, don’t come after me like that, ’cause I’m sick of this bull. Here’s the bottom line, for me: It’s my opinion. And the American courts agree with me, because still he has not been taken to jail or trial on anything. So, back off me!”

YouTube/WENN

Sheryl Underwood

Though many Black women defended Nate Parker, Sheryl Underwood was most surprising, given that she’s a rape victim herself. However, on an episode of The Talk in October 2016, she questioned why Parker was being judged more harshly than other men, particularly on the cusp of his film, Birth of a Nation.

“I think this is an odd time for this to be the time that they judge this man on this. He made a movie, Beyond the Lights, where he was some cop protecting some pop singer, and this never was brought out. And now it’s being brought out when he makes the most iconic film, the most thought-provoking film for some of us that believe that Nat Turner was a revolutionary,” Underwood said.

“I also think when you talk about this, why is it that Roman Polanski can do whatever he wants to do and that was a 13-year-old child? Woody Allen? But I guess my feeling about this is, from a person who has been raped, one thing we need to take a moment to understand is the long-lasting devastating effect of rape on everyone involved. The young lady who could not move forward in her life that felt the only way to end that pain was to take her life. So when you talk about a movie that seems to artistically portray the violation of people who were considered property, then you’re talking about a political devastation, not just a sexual devastation that was supposed to motivate Nat Turner to do what he did. So for everybody in this room who does not understand, at the end of the day, his life has been changed, but he has evolved. He’s given his life to Christ. He’s become a better person. If you want to hold him to that, then you need to hold everybody else that’s done something to the exact same standard.”

“BLACK GIRLS ROCK!” Hosted by Taraji P. Henson Honors ISSA RAE, YARA SHAHIDI, ROBERTA FLACK, SUZANNE SHANK, DERRICA WILSON AND NATALIE WILSON
Featuring: TARAJI P. HENSON
Where: New York, New York, United States
When: 05 Aug 2017
Credit: Derrick Salters/WENN.com

Taraji P. Henson

Terrence Howard has been accused of domestic assault no less than six times, but that fact didn’t stop Taraji P. Henson from defending her Empire co-star in 2015. When asked by Allure magazine what she thought of the allegations made by his ex-wives, the actress immediately excused the accusations, saying, “Let’s pop the trunk to your life and see what’s dysfunctional and what’s bad … at the end of the day, we’re all human and we got flaws and we got sh-t.”

8th Annual Essence Black Women In Music Event – Arrivals
Featuring: Erykah Badu
Where: Hollywood, California, United States
When: 09 Feb 2017
Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com

Erykah Badu

Having R. Kelly perform at the 2015 Soul Train Awards was already poorly received by the audience who, unlike the show’s organizers, weren’t so willing to give the man accused of numerous sex crimes against minors a pass. But to make matters worse, when Erykah Badu introduced her “brother” before his performance, she claimed he’d “done more for black people than anyone.”

The 69th Emmy Awards At The Microsoft Theater In Los Angeles, California
Featuring: Gabrielle Union
Where: Los Angeles, California, United States
When: 17 Sep 2017
Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com

Gabrielle Union

When Dwyane Wade announced that he’d fathered a child with another woman during his relationship with Gabrielle Union, it was she who picked up the pieces to mend their public persona — and who even took responsibility for their split and the “break baby” that came out of it.

[When Dwyane and I broke up briefly in 2013], it was because of distance and scheduling,” she told Glamour. I finished filming the show, then I flew to Vegas right away to start shooting Think Like a Man Too. I couldn’t take time off, and I missed some quality togetherness we desperately needed. Over the summer, I reassessed priorities. I’d always wanted an awesome career with back-to-back projects, but I realized I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my relationship for it. Moving forward, I decided my work schedule has to make sense for our family. Bottom line: If an issue’s a deal breaker, it’s a deal breaker. If your relationship isn’t something you’re willing to give up and you can compromise, do so.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BX0Fj1ZjNaO/

Kim K

Having Black children didn’t make Kim any more aware of racism or the need to stop turning a blind eye to it. In fact, when her friend, makeup artist Jeffree Star was called out for his racist past, her response was that everyone else was being petty and hating and he deserved the benefit of the doubt.

9 Famous Women Who Made Excuses For Men's Bad Behavior