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We all know that there are stereotypes associated with White women and the reasons why Black men might find them to be preferable dating partners. As a refresher, it’s that they don’t come with the attitudes Black women do. They’re softer, more submissive, easier to manipulate. But one White woman, an Instagram model named Tiffany Jolene wanted to let the Black men that creep up into her DMs that she is not the one.

I read Tiffany’s comments and nodded emphatically. All facts. No lies. As a Black woman who hasn’t bought into the notion I should support Black men regardless of what they say and do, I get tired of always being the one to have to comment on the ways in which they demean us. One, because most of them aren’t listening to hear it or make changes and two because when they do listen, they don’t take claims seriously anyway.

So I thought perhaps these Black men who are flocking to her DMs will read her comments and take them to heart.

I saw a couple of Black men, with White girlfriends and wives, who took issue with Jolene’s comments, calling them stereotypical. There were some who suggested that a Black woman wrote this for the White girl to post. Then there were those Black men who felt that Black women shouldn’t be applauding someone of another race

But what was of more interest to me was the fact that Black women felt a way about her comments. More than a few women resented, like the Black man said, her coming for “the family,” but there were also Black women who resented the fact that Jolene was getting so much attention for what we’ve been saying for so long.

Her post went viral, her Facebook note was featured on The New York Post. Homegirl blew up. And for many Black women it represented the ways in which Black looks and now apparently Black thoughts are co-opted and celebrated by women of other races and ethnicities, particularly White women.

I hear them. And I understand the frustration. Still, I don’t believe the fault lies with Jolene but with our own Black men and mainstream society at large placing more value and emphasis on the words of White women. And since that’s a problem that’s going to take decades to address and alleviate, I think in the meantime, White women should use their privilege for the good. And as much as we go through I don’t mind Black women being the benefactors of it. It’s about time White women lend their voices to issues that pertain specifically to women of color.

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.

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