Earlier this week, I was watching an entertainment news show and the topic of conversation was the B-word. In a new interview, actress Kristen Stewart spoke passionately (a little too passionate maybe) about how she feels about men calling women a b—h:
“Men cannot say b—h anymore, I’m sorry,” Stewart said. “Say something different. Say, ‘You’re rude,’ say, ‘You’re a d–k,’ whatever. Just to say, ‘Oh that b—h.’ You can’t say that because there’s nothing I could say to you, there’s no retort that would be equal to that, therefore it’s demeaning and literally on par with… something homophobic or something racist.”
I disagree with it being “on par” with homophobic or racist remarks, however, I agree that a man calling a woman a b—h is disgusting (and vice versa). But I wonder, if a man called you the B-word (and not in the, “That’s my b—h” way that some think is “cute”), would it be bad enough to be a dealbreaker for you?
“My boyfriend called me a b—h a month ago,” said a woman writing in to the site Miss Muslim. “He’s never done this before and we’ve been dating for six months…I approached him and he told me that he called me a b—h because I was ‘acting like a b—h.’ I let it slide but yesterday he called me a b—h again and so I called him a son of a b—h and he went AWOL. He said he can’t be with a woman who called his mom a b—h, but he can call me a b—h?? What is this double standard??”
Despite this ridiculous situation, the woman involved in it wasn’t asking for advice on whether or not she should leave. Instead, she wanted to know if she is looking at the situation in the wrong way and should apologize. The fact that he threatened to end things with her left her scrambling and wondering if the offense is worth their relationship. She’s asking if she should be apologetic, despite the fact that he’d created an ugly habit of calling her a b—h and hadn’t said sorry for it once.
But it seems like more people than you would think wouldn’t necessarily want to end the relationship altogether either. In a thread from Wedding Bee, a majority of respondents said they would be very upset, but didn’t know if they would end their relationship when asked what consequences there would be for their significant other calling them the B-word. Others said it depends on how the B-word is used. “You’re a b—h” to those commenters is a lot worse than “You’re acting like a b—h.”
When I asked my co-workers what they thought about a man, let’s say their husband, calling them a b—h, they all said that it would be terrible, but not necessarily a reason to throw in the towel.
Even Nathan from Married at First Sight put his anger on the back burner when he was called a b—h by his wife, Sheila. While we don’t know exactly what he said to her leading up to that, whatever it was was enough to take center stage during their argument. It wouldn’t be until days later that Sheila would finally apologize for calling him such a thing, and he would have to apologize first. He forgave her because making the marriage work was most important to him on the show, but he made a good point that they would need to have limits moving forward. In their relationship, there were just some things they should never say to one another. I think that should be the case for every relationship.
I’ve been lucky enough not to have anyone I’ve dated call me a B-word. The worst I’ve heard is that I should “f–k off!” While I was very hurt, the relationship meant a lot more to me than the sting over the word, plus, my boyfriend at the time was very apologetic, so I chose to let it go. Thankfully, it didn’t happen again.
As far as the B-word though, I’ll say that if a guy I’m with called me a b—h, I would be incredibly angry, but I could actually move forward if they’re remorseful. A surprising ugly moment is different from consistent ones. And speaking of limits, there should be one when it comes to ugly habits. Call the woman you’re with a b—h once, it’s likely just a slip of the tongue that can be prevented in the future. Call her it more than once and you’re not emotionally mature enough to be in your relationship. To that I say, b—h, please…
But as usual, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Could you move forward in a relationship if your partner called you a b—h?