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Don't Let People Take Your Picture

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While I can’t find the link right now, I know I’ve written somewhere on MadameNoire about the safety precautions women take when going out on dates with men they don’t know all that well. I’m sure I’ve shared the story of having my college friends attend the same movie with me and my date, a couple rows back, to ensure that everything went smoothly.

In the past, when my sister went on dates with dudes she met from Tinder, she put her location on, so my entire immediate family, knew where she was at all times. Throughout the date, there were frequent check-ins, forwarded pictures of the man’s image and any other pertinent information.

Some people might think all of this is too much, too extra, too paranoid but the truth is, there are far too many examples that prove that men aren’t safe. And a woman takes a huge risk any time she agrees to go otu with a man, whether she thinks she knows him well or not. This is not something I expect ment to readily understand. But I do expect them to respect it.

One man on social media proved he could not.

Like I said, men don’t get it. While I’m sure they might have stumbled across a story or two of a man who injured or killed a woman who rejected him, or a man who cursed a woman out on the street, they don’t empathize with the victims of those stories. Most of them don’t know what it feels like for their lives to be in danger every time they step out the door, just by virtue of their gender. Still, for the life of me, I can’t understand why someone taking a precaution to ensure their personal safety would offend you, if you know your intentions are pure. If you’re genuinely interested in someone’s personhood and their comfort in your presence, why does them snapping a picture of your license offend you?

But there were plenty of men who had all types of reasons why this didn’t sit well with them.

Except the White people haven’t agreed to put their lives in your hands by getting in the car with you…but, nice try though.

And my personal favorite:

Now, in addition to finding a man who just might be worth your time, doing what you need to do to prepare for the date, hoping and praying that you enjoy yourself, you also have to be able to read…his… aura. And don’t take all day to do it either, y’all have a reservation.

It’s just astounding, really. Women can not win. When a woman is violated in some way, men and women alike, will be quick to take the focus off of the assault itself in an attempt to discuss all the ways she could and should have protected herself. But when women actually do the work of looking out for themselves, it’s too much.

Once again, a man’s feelings trump a woman’s. She can feel unsafe but God forbid he be questioned or hell, potentially held accountable should things go left. Because she doesn’t want to offend him, she’s supposed to leave her safety up to a stranger’s good will and hope to God that he looks out for her interests better than she would her own. Man, please. It’s just not smart. Expecting a stranger to care more about you than you care about yourself, literally defies logic.

And judging by the reaction of the man in this particular story, taking the picture of that license saved her from foolishness that was no doubt on the way, in whatever form it materialized.

For the 50-11th time, this story wouldn’t be so hard for men to swallow if they started listening to women. I mean, really listening, and began just attempting to empathize with our concerns. Maybe, and most importantly, if they started to acknowledge that the way so many of them behave is a threat to women’s safety, they could understand this woman’s very rational fear. And since most of them feel much more comfortable scolding a woman than calling their fellow man out on his bullsh*t, I think having a picture of your license plate snapped, is a fair compromise.

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