Why You Meet Someone When You Stop Looking
Once you stop looking for something, you find it. This rule seems to apply to everything in life; that second shoe, the spare set of keys, that antique armoire—when you finally give up on looking for these things and focus on something else, they pop up. This rule also applies to finding a romantic partner. But there’s a little more logic and reason behind this—as for finding that stiletto three months after giving up on it, who knows why that happens. The dog must have put it there. But when you’re actively seeking a romantic partner, the entire way you think and behave changes. Naturally, how you think and behave affects your ability to A) Identify a good partner and B) Attract a good partner. Here is why you find someone, just when you stop looking.
When you’re looking, you’re not picky
When you’re looking for someone, you find reasons to like just about anybody. You force yourself to see the attractive qualities in everyone. That sends you on dozens of dead-end dates.
When you aren’t looking, you’re selective
When you aren’t looking for someone, then you don’t see every single walking, breathing male as a prospect. Instead, only the really great, compatible guys stand out to you.
When you’re looking, you come off as needy
It’s a buyer’s market out there, and men want the women they perceive every man to want. When you’re looking for somebody, you can come off as needy and when you come off as needy, it’s very obvious that you haven’t gotten much male attention in a while.
When you aren’t looking, you come off as a prize
When you aren’t even considering the men around you as possible partners, you take on this very confident and attractively aloof mindset. Men read this as, “She must have so many date offers that she has to put up a bit of a wall around men.”
When you’re looking, you aren’t having fun
Going out for margaritas with girlfriends isn’t really fun if you spend the entire time scanning the restaurant for men, and asking your girlfriends if your makeup looks okay.
When you aren’t looking, you have a blast
When you stop looking for a partner, you end up more present and engaged in everything you do. This means you laugh more, you smile more, and you have more interesting conversations. Who isn’t attracted to a woman like that?
When you’re looking, you dress like it
You can’t help it; you get ready for each day as if it’s a scene in a romantic comedy. You wear these little dresses that flatter your figure perfectly, with matching accessories and flawless makeup. The whole thing screams, “Please hit on me!”
When you aren’t looking, you dress more like yourself
When you aren’t looking for a partner, the only thing you ask yourself when you get dressed is, “Do I feel happy in this? Do I feel comfortable in this?” And when you wear things you feel happy and comfortable in, you look happy and comfortable. That’s attractive.
When you’re looking, you don’t pursue your interests
When you’re looking for someone, you choose activities and destinations based on where you think the men will be. But if you’re not genuinely interested in those places, then you’ll meet men you don’t have much in common with.
When you aren’t looking, you do what you love
When you stop looking for someone, then you spend more time doing what you actually love and being in places you genuinely love to be. That’s when you can meet someone you have something in common with.
When you’re looking, the pressure is on
When you’re analyzing every man you meet as a romantic partner, then you put a lot of pressure on the interactions. You’re looking at them under a microscope, and that’s just not natural—you can’t see the whole picture that way.
When you aren’t looking, you can get to know someone
When you aren’t seeing men as potential love interests then you can actually get to know them at a more natural pace. A guy can really show you who he is, in various scenarios, and then you may find yourself falling for him.
When you are looking, you spread yourself too thin
When you’re looking for someone, you end up planning too many dates with too many men and spreading yourself thin. Half of those guys might stop dating you, just because you’re too busy! The other half, well, you’re just comparing them all to each other and it’s making you dizzy.
When you aren’t looking, you can really date
When you don’t feel like you’re in a mad rush to sample every man on the market, you can really take your time with each man you date, and analyze him for who he is, and not how he compares to anyone else.
When you’re looking, you drive your friends nuts
If all you ever talk about is trying to find a man, your friends will stop inviting you out. They want to talk about other things! Now you’re stuck going to bars by yourself, and some men are put off by a woman who doesn’t appear to have friends.
When you aren’t looking, you’re the life of the party
When you are just focusing on bettering yourself, having fun, socializing, learning more and growing, your friends want to be around you! So you’re invited out more, you’re invited to parties more, and you’re naturally put in more situations where you can meet somebody.