MadameNoire Featured Video

By: Makeba Riddick

Have you ever wondered why some women, as beautiful as they are, as talented and educated as they are, as accomplished as they are can’t seem to lock down a love that lasts? This syndrome is no respecter of persons. You could be the President of a Fortune 500 corporate company, winner of numerous beauty pageants or even a Hollywood movie star; these are sometimes the main women that cannot secure a husband. Why is that we ask ourselves?

Then we meet the woman who dated her boyfriend for a year only to be married the next. She walks with an astute confidence that screams “I own half the country, negotiating for the other half as we speak.” When we see this woman out with her man, he looks upon her so adoringly as if her feet shouldn’t touch the ground. And then the bitterness inside all of us whispers, “It’s only a fairytale. Men don’t fall in wholeheartedly on this planet.” But that, my friends, is a myth. Not only do men fall in love on this planet, they long for companionship, commitment and emotional intimacy just as much as women do. It’s a known fact. Don’t believe me, well ask yourself, why is it that the men you are not attracted to continue to call, beg and plead for even a coffee date? It’s because your behavior is unknowingly leading this man to chase you.

The woman who can perfect that mystique with a man she’s strongly attracted to is the definition of a Mean Girl.

Being a Mean Girl is a mindset, a lifestyle. She’s not literally mean. In fact, these women are quite sweet with a tad bit of Beyotchiness thrown into the equation. Mean Girls do not chase. They are chased. Mean Girls let men pursue them while they remain in a position of demure femininity. This behavior draws men closer to them as opposed to scaring them off. Most times men run for the hills when a woman applies pressure in the area of commitment. It takes a Mean Girl to ignite the flames of smoldering chemistry in the beginning of a courtship to make a man realize he needs to be with her.

In the Garden of Eden, Adam was a provider and a pursuer. In the book of Genesis in the Bible it speaks of the MAN being the head of the household and initiating the flow of things. When we as women pursue men in any way, this upsets the natural order causing upset and imbalance in a courtship, thus dooming any hopes of a solid healthy relationship being built in the future. Mean Girls know this and live by this type of etiquette in daily life.

Here are 5 steps in the right direction to becoming a true Mean Girl.

1. Make yourself unavailable to him sometimes. No matter how bad you want to see him, let your phone ring to voicemail every once in a while when you know he’s looking for you.

2. Make your own schedule a priority over his and anyone else’s! Do not cancel your own plans because he called you on a whim to come see you. If it wasn’t planned out in advance, no deal!

3. If it takes him 2 days to return your call, wait 3 days to return his.

Example: You called him on Monday and he didn’t call you back until Wednesday morning. Wait until Friday to return his call. 

4. Do not immediately introduce him to your friends and family. Mystery is a huge factor in becoming a mean girl. In the beginning of a courtship, the more mysterious you are the more intrigued your date will be.

5. Make it plain and clear to your man and the world that you are your biggest fan and that anyone in your life must treat you better than you treat yourself. The mindset of a mean girl doesn’t allow taking shorts from any one. So gifts, affection, adoration and the like are not just a given-it’s a requirement!

Men love women who love themselves more…


Makeba Riddick is a Grammy award-winning hit songwriter, behind many of Beyoncé, Rihanna, Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez’ biggest hits. She’s also the co-author of “The Mean Girls Handbook of Etiquette”; a self-help book that equips women with the best practices for navigating the landscape of love and relationships, slated to hit shelves in 2012.  Weekly, Riddick shares personal insights from her successful marriage and contents of the book to empower women, one entry at a time. Follow Makeba on Twitter: @MakebaTheBarbie

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN