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While running across relationship threads earlier today, I saw that a common dating issue, thanks to technology, is women who won’t text first.

refuse to text first

You’re probably thinking that I’m talking about women who meet a guy, exchange information, and wait for him to make the first move by following up. That doesn’t sound like a problem considering that many women are still into doing things the old-fashioned way. By that I mean, they don’t want to be the one chasing down anybody.

But what about women who have been seeing someone for a while, have feelings for them, but still don’t like the idea of being the one to initiate conversation?

A guy on Reddit asked for advice on how to deal with this, as according to him, a few women he’s tried to court have refused to text first. He said that such behavior, after a while, makes him weary of even trying to foster conversations with a person who wouldn’t put in the effort to do so, causing him to lose interest. To him, it comes off as arrogant, but he was open to other opinions to explain what such behavior is all about.

There were varying thoughts. I read responses like “I know I hate texting so I just wait until I have time to call.” There was also the classic, “Some women still believe that men are supposed to make the first move.” One woman even said that some people aren’t the phone type and don’t know what to say, so they wait for the other person to get things going.

All of those responses made sense, especially the first one. Not everyone is crazy about text culture and actually like the effort put into a phone call. However, I believe the real rationale behind not texting first is not only a desire to feel pursued, but also a worry about coming off as a nuisance.

I get the worry of appearing to be bothersome. If you’ve ever been excited to talk to a guy you’re getting to know or have been dating for a short while, you know how awkward it can feel when you text first and don’t get a response back for hours — or at all. I also know what it’s like to not want to seem too eager or feel like you’re burdening someone with your conversation. If they aren’t as into whatever you’re saying, it can cause you to withdraw. So, yes, you might want to know someone is really thinking about you and likes you by allowing them to be the one to reach out. Some do this even if it means waiting days for the person to respond and even if they have the actual desire to speak to that person. They don’t want to come off as weak or easily played.

But who really has time for that? I do think if someone rarely messages you but does seem very much interested in you when you’re face to face, then they may just not be phone people. But if they rarely contact you and come off as less than thrilled to deal with you in person, you’re not just a nuisance to them on the phone, but in general. Still, in all things that have to do with dating, I’ve learned that it’s best not to assume anything. If you wonder why a person isn’t contacting you, when you contact them (it won’t kill you), you can always ask straight out what the issue is. But I’m a firm believer that if you want to talk to someone, you should just go ahead and hit them up.  It becomes clear pretty easy and pretty fast whether or not the person is interested in hearing from you and if they want to carry on an actual conversation. But all these games of “He/She hasn’t text me so I’m damn sure not going to text them!” is tired — and not to mention, a waste of time…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty to not want to be the one to initiate conversation with a person you’re getting to know or already seeing regularly? 


Image via Shutterstock 

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