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Despite the fact that we all do it at least 30 times a day, texting is a dangerous medium. It’s not the place for arguments because tone can get misconstrued, and it’s not really the best place for sharing sincere affection because, where’s the romance in that?

But even the most (seemingly) harmless of phrases can spell trouble right off the bat. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of one of these texts you know what I’m talking about. And if you ever thought a guy was sending you one of these texts just to say “hey,” you are sadly mistaken.

text message trouble

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“Hey stranger”

“Hey stranger” is the cuffing season opener of text messages, sent by past hookups hoping to go another round. The sender likely wasn’t really “just thinking about you,” and doesn’t actually care what you’ve been up to, that’s just the customary conversation trail to lead to the ultimate question: You wanna f-ck?

“Hey you”

This is the phrase used by men who feel “hey stranger” is too obvious. The subtext is still the same.

“Hey”

Notice how the greetings get shorter and shorter? “Hey” says I’m bored. I’m not quite sure if I’m I-want-you-to-come-over-bored. But in this moment I’m bored so I’ll text you and see if you entice me.

“You up?”

Nobody asks are you up during the hours most first-shift-job-holding members of society are awake. This is that late-night, precursor, I’m trying to come over text sent between the hours of 11 pm and 1 am.

“GM”

Ah the lazy “good morning” text. Just know if a man can’t bother to spell good morning out to you, he doesn’t really give a damn about how your morning is going, he just wants you to think he does so he can get to the kissing, loving, and feeling up on you portion of the day.

“WYD”

This is the night-time equivalent of the “GM” text, sent by a man who thinks typing “You up” is a little too forward, but he’s not about to actually take the time to type “What you doing?” because he’s not sure you’re whether going to invite him over or not.

“You home?”

This means I’m either about to come drop some good you know what on you — which doesn’t necessarily mean trouble unless you were trying not to get physical just yet — or I have some news I can only tell you in person (which is probably not good). Note: These meanings do not apply to couples who actually live together. In that case this is a legitimate domestic inquiry.

“We need to talk”

Never has anyone prefaced good news with those four words. You’re looking at a conversation of I cheated/I’m moving across the country/I can’t see you anymore proportions when you see this text in your phone. Bring wine.

“Send me a pic”

I.e. I forgot what you look like or I’m trying to open the floodgates to sexting. Trust, he does not want a selfie of you at your desk and, just a heads up, a d-ck pic is on the way.
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