Serious Question: Is It Better To Propose A Threesome With A Friend Or A Stranger?

November 30, 2016  |  

Over the weekend I got one of those “let me tell you about this negro” type of texts from a friend that made me pause the TV, put down my food, and zero in on my phone with lazer focus. Two-three days after their first sexual encounter, a guy my friend had slept with started asking her whether she’d ever messed with her female roommate. The questions went beyond the typical intrigue men have with pseudo-bisexuality and so my friend eventually asked the guy whether he wanted to sleep with her roomie. In a word, the answer was yes. But what he really wanted was to have a threesome with the two of them.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Before I could even address the proposition, my friend went on to text:

“Now… I know you won’t understand but I wasn’t even mad about him asking…I was… perplexed that he asked about her, specifically.”

Knowing my girl and my own superficial self, I got an inkling of where this was going so I asked, “Is she attractive?” The answer came before I could hit send.

“Cause…I don’t think she’s attractive,” she went on to type. “I kiiiiiinda got offended. Cause he said something like ‘Cause I think she’s attractive like you.'”

Funny — or sad — enough, I did get it. There’s been more than a handful of times in life where someone has likened me to a woman I didn’t find attractive and I found myself offended. (Don’t stress it, we’ll talk about my issues later.) But in this instance there was an extra layer of foolery; an implication that my friend and her roommate were somehow interchangeable, that they were equal in his mind, even though he’d already slept with one of them, and as such they could be swapped out or doubled up for the sake of his pleasure. Suddenly they were in the same lane which my friend, like she stated, found perplexing. She didn’t plan on carpooling and she certainly didn’t want to do it with a friend/roommate who was now attracting the same men as her — something she didn’t anticipate.

Had this angst been directed toward a random woman at a bar, my friend wouldn’t have felt a type of way for saying “No thanks. Not attracted.” But because the woman in question is a friend she felt like an “a–hole” for her negative reaction. I, quite frankly, was more taken aback at how brazen ol’ boy was to suggest a threesome a mere few days after they first had sex and to do so with a friend, which in my opinion made it worse. I’m far from the “I don’t leave my friends alone around my man” type but I also don’t ever want anyone I’m sexually involved with to alert me to the fact that he’s also sexually attractive to a friend of mind, directly or indirectly, and that’s regardless of whether I think the friend is attractive or not. I’m not a fan of being propositioned for threesomes either (and I’m not sure I’ve ever been) but I most definitely don’t want the suggested third party to be someone I know and call a friend.

Sharing sex stories with friends is one thing, sharing sexual encounters is quite another. And aside from figuring out how to handle life the morning after, I don’t know that one could ever erase the knowledge that the man they’re sleeping with also wants to sleep with their friend — or the paranoia of them actually doing it with or without her consent or presence. But then again, I just don’t get down like that and maybe having a threesome with two people you love, like, and trust is better than a beautiful stranger. What do you think?

Would you be okay with a man suggesting a threesome with a friend?

 

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