Harsh Truth: You Can’t Be With Someone Less Adventurous Than You - Page 15

By no means do you and your partner need to have all the same interests, passions and hobbies. But you do both need to have interests, passions and hobbies. In the beginning stages of dating someone who is more of a homebody than yourself, you may just think, “So I’ll go do my thing, and he can do this. I’ll go out when he stays in. He’ll be there waiting for me when I get home. That’s nice!” But that won’t last long. You’ll end up feeling that you lead two separate lives and the physical distance will create emotional and mental distance, too. It’s a tough reality to face but, if the perfectly kind, thoughtful, responsible and sexy man you’re dating isn’t as adventurous as you are, and as curious about life as you can be, it just won’t work. Here’s why you can’t date someone less adventurous than yourself.

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You’ll rarely see each other

Practically speaking, if you want to hike a new mountain, visit a new city, and try a new dance class every weekend and he wants to watch TV, you’ll live separate lives. You’ll barely be together. What kind of relationship is that?

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You’ll hold back in your storytelling

You can’t possibly talk to him about your experiences as much as you want to. You start to feel self-conscious—like you’re dominating the conversation. It’s so much more fun to share the memories with somebody who was there!

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You won’t do all the things you want to do

If you’re going to spend any time with your partner, you’re going to have to say no to some kayaking trips, sky diving outings, and spontaneous road trips. And you’ll resent your partner for it.

You’ll become smarter

Hey, it’s not your fault that traveling makes you smarter — or diversifies your skills, shall we say? You’ll learn to read humans better, you may pick up other languages, you’ll get better at understanding maps. You’ll become much smarter than your partner and that will be awkward.

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You’ll become wiser

Wise is very different from smart. Ultimately, when you travel, deal with weird motel rooms and broke down trains, you learn to differentiate between the small stuff and water really matters in life. That makes you wise. Your partner may not be wise in that way if he stays home.

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You’ll become more cultured

You’ll inevitably know more about other cultures than our partner does. This can lead to situations where he says things that sound very ignorant to you, or when he blatantly offends other cultures and embarrasses you.

He’ll start to seem stiff and uptight

Because he always stays in the comfort of his own home and town, when little things go wrong, he won’t have the same patience about them that you do. And you’ll find that a very unattractive quality.

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You’ll make big decisions differently

You will ultimately make big decisions—like how to spend money and where to live—based on your craving for adventure. He’ll make those decisions based on very different criteria. It will be hard to come to an agreement.

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Your craving for adventure will only grow

The more you adventure the more you’ll want to adventure. So all of these problems will only become aggravated over time.

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He’ll become intimidated by you

Your partner will inevitably feel intimidated by you since you are smarter, wiser, more cultured and more patient. This might make him start acting out, and looking for little ways to assert his intelligence/dominance/whatever.

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You’ll become unimpressed by him

You can’t help it; your partner will start to look like a dud to you. You’ll start to see him differently. He used to look safe, loyal and responsible; now he looks timid and unimaginative.

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You can’t bond over shared experiences

You bond by sharing experiences. Plain and simple. There is nothing that can possibly replace being there together.

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You won’t have the same friends, either

You probably have adventurous friends, and he probably has unadventurous friends. It’s very tough on a relationship when the friends of the two people don’t really get along.

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You’ll grow apart

If you spend most of your time apart, you’ll grow apart. And if your minds grow in the vastly different ways I described, you can wake up one day and no longer be the person you were when you met this person.