As an elderly millennial, I’ve picked up the art of traditional flirting. I’m not saying I’m good at it, but I can force myself to touch a man’s shoulder or laugh at his stupid jokes if I have to. That said, we’ve approached a new age: the age of the direct message, otherwise known as the DM. If you’re on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram, you are familiar with the private message — a place to send notes and pictures that the public can’t see.
I’ve heard that things go down in the DM, but up until recently, I had no firsthand knowledge of such happenings. Sadly, I haven’t mastered the art of sliding into anyone’s social media inbox, but after brunch one weekend (all bad ideas stem from bottomless mimosas), I decided to direct message an old
thot flame on Facebook. (Is it even called DMs on Facebook? I don’t know.)
“I’m sliding into your DMs,” I proclaimed triumphantly.
“Oh,” he responded. “Okay…”
There was silence before he added, “Snapchat me that pu**y if it’s….cool.”
I, too lame to realize he was quoting a song
, was astounded by his forwardness. “Who does he think I am? Do people really Snapchat their vaginas if its…cool?” I thought to myself. “Is there an appropriate filter for these pictures?” Mortified and caught without a witty rebuttal, I closed my chat inbox and swore to never contact him again. He already had my phone number though, and he text me a few days later.
Everything sort of worked out from there, I guess.
While I initially thought I’d bury this humiliating ordeal in the recesses of my mind, it occurred to me that my experience might help other women. Thus, I’ve asked a few of my favorite men for some tips on how to artfully slide into someone’s inbox. I now humbly share the process with you:
Step 1: Establish Rapport
As it turns out, sliding into one’s DMs works greatly when there is forward momentum. Whatever the social media platform, start off by liking a few posts/pictures. As most of you know, every time you like a picture, the person gets a notification. If you do this for a few days or so, you’re suddenly on the person’s radar. Pro tip: spread your “likes” over a few days. It’s creepy to log into your account and see someone has liked 40 of your pictures in 12 minutes.
Step 2: Up the Ante
Once you’ve started liking pictures, you can up the ante by adding a comment. One of the guys I talked to suggested compliments that pertain to a particular picture. If your person has a gym picture (a.k.a., a thirst trap), you can compliment his body. If you’re feeling a little less aggressive, you can compliment something less eh…explicit. Maybe he posted a dope sunset or a clever meme. You can shower praise on it, and hopefully your would-be boo will say “thanks.”
Step 3: Slide in the DMs (With a Question)
So the guy has already noticed you in his mentions. He’s probably responded to your comments under his pictures. Now, you just slide into his inbox with a question relevant to his feed. If he has a million pictures from his trip to Philly, you can ask him how the cheese steaks were. The key is to start a private conversation, and BOOM! You just slid into the DMs like a ninja. Pro tip: Steer clear of yes or no questions. Open-ended questions give you more to work with.
Once you’ve started the conversation, the rest is familiar territory. However, if you’re still worried, take comfort in this: My awkward stumble into the DMs did yield a date. The sheer ridiculousness of my experience hints at something ALL of the men I talked to said explicitly: If a person finds you even remotely attractive, it doesn’t really matter how artfully you slide in. Take your chance, kick down the door of the DMs, and give it your best shot.
The odds are in your favor.
(Special thanks to the gentlemen who contributed to this piece, especially @torres1pr
. Ladies, if you want to practice your slide, I’m sure he would be down.)