I think we would all agree that entertaining the advances of anyone who used to have a relationship with our family members or close friends is a pretty terrible idea. But what if you meet someone, liked them a lot, but found out that they just so happened to have “talked” to your sister years before?
That’s the situation of a woman who reached out for advice. While she feels like she’s really falling for her boyfriend of a few months, she’s been receiving a lot of criticism from her sister about her decision to see through a relationship with him. As it turns out, about two years before this relationship really got going, the woman’s sister met the boyfriend at a lounge and they seemed to hit it off. They danced together, flirted, and even made out (with some light petting). And while things looked like they could have progressed nicely, outside of the lounge, interactions over the phone and through text messages eventually went flat. He pretty much went ghost, and while her sister’s feelings were hurt at the time, she kept it pushing and started seeing other people.
The guy would eventually meet our subject a few months ago and they got along well. Really well. Since this woman was able to make something work with this guy, her sister has called her out.
“I don’t want to have any drama with my family over someone from the outside,” the woman wrote in her email. “But I do feel very strongly about him and he’s said that he feels the same.”
According to the woman, her sister has told her that her choice to move forward with the guy is “shady.” And while she initially didn’t plan to proceed into a relationship with him after being told about their short-lived past, to her surprise, they ended up hitting it off and she didn’t want to cut things off completely. So what is she to do? Family over everything or drop a good thing over something that was really nothing two years ago?
Speaking for myself, I probably wouldn’t have entered into anything with this guy after knowing about his past with my sister. I don’t even know if you could say that it would be out of loyalty to her or if I would just want to avoid hurt feelings and drama (and “sloppy seconds” — no offense). I mean, it’s pretty much asking for trouble. And if I knew that my own sibling was interested in entering into a relationship with someone who I’d kissed and talked to in a romantic manner, I don’t know if I would be so quick to give out my blessings either. Just saying.
But what’s been done has been done and I think this woman pretty much has to deal with the consequences of moving forward into a relationship with this guy. The things we all do aren’t going to please everybody so if she feels like they really have something special in the making, then she’ll have to do her best to deal with her sister’s disapproval. But if she knows that she’s just enjoying having the attention of this guy but isn’t really serious about what could be, it’s a good idea to set him back loose in the sea and see what else is out there. Despite what folks like to say, there are just too many options out there for people to just be dipping and dabbing with the former flames of people in their circle, even if the flames didn’t fully ignite…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Were her sister’s interactions with this guy a good enough reason not to be bothered with him whatsoever? Can this relationship work if her sister disapproves of it so strongly?
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