Why You Need To Stop Hanging With Your Man-Hating Friend
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You may not have realized it, but that one friend of yours—the one who hasn’t been on a date in five years by choice and doesn’t even have a desire to engage in boy talk—she hates men. If you really think about it, you remember that any time a man talks to her, she looks at him as if she’s imagining the ways he might die one day. If you really think about it, your boyfriend and his friends go quiet when she walks in the room. And if you really, really think about it, you remember she has seemed happy every time you’ve broken up with somebody—it’s the type of happiness reserved for engagement announcements, but she usually fake-vomits when people get engaged. Your man-hating friend can be problematic for you because, ultimately, she doesn’t want you to, well, be happy with a man. And you might not ever be if you keep hanging with her.
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She yells at men who want to buy you drinks
Every time you think you may get a free round of drinks, she metaphorically grabs the balls of the man who offered to buy them and gives him a speech about how we aren’t sleeping with you because you buy us drinks.
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She sort of threatens your boos
She’s never told one of your boyfriends that if they break your heart, she’d find them and burn down their house. But she’s put the vibe out there…
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She never lets you swipe right
She likes to lean over your shoulder when you’re looking at online matches and tell you why each one is a loser. She even hits “Delete” on a man without your permission.
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You can’t talk to her about fights
If you dare tell her about a fight you recently got in with your boyfriend, she will make you feel like things are so much worse than they really are. She won’t make any excuses for your partner’s behavior—he’s the worst, and you deserve better.
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She tries to make you and your boo fight
When you’re not in a fight with your partner, your man-hating friend starts to point things out. She says things like, “Don’t you think it’s weird that he hasn’t texted you yet…”
She thinks you should break up with everybody
Her go-to solution to any problem is, “You should break up with him.” Then it’s awkward to bring her around your boyfriend when you didn’t break up with him.
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Your boos don’t want to hang out with her
Your boyfriend hangs out with her as a favor to you, but you should know that—it is a favor. He spends the entire time holding his tongue, so he doesn’t finally blurt out, “What’s your problem?”
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She makes you wingman too much
When she asks you to wingman, she pushes it too far. She asks you to pretend you’re single and to sit on guys’ laps and give out your phone number, even though you have a boyfriend.
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She likes to provoke jealousy
She seems to enjoy telling your boyfriend that you recently ran into your ex, or that your coworker has a crush on you.
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You can’t talk to her about your wedding
If you ever get engaged, you can’t talk to her about your wedding. You know she’s just going to mock the entire event, and she cannot genuinely share in your happiness.
She won’t keep a secret
If you make the mistake of telling her that your partner smells funny in the morning or wears odd-fitting pants, she’ll tell him. For sure. It’s a game to her.
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She almost gets you arrested sometimes
She has almost gotten the two of you arrested a few times when she brought you along to her ex-boyfriend’s place, so she could throw a burning bottle in his window.
