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We all become insecure in our relationships sometimes. I live with my boyfriend—I got him to give up the lease on the apartment he loved, spend weeks apartment searching, and face a rent hike, all so that he could be with me more. And I still have thoughts like, “He probably wishes I looked more like this or that” or “He is probably bored with me.” No matter how loving and committed a partner is, it’s normal to feel insecure sometimes.

There is a special word for people who never feel insecure,  narcissists. But just because feeling insecure in a relationship is normal doesn’t mean it feels good, or is good. Insecurities can cause you to say or do things that stir up fights, or make your partner feel alienated from you, all over something that was just in your head. Learn to tackle those moments of paranoia and sensitivity, so they don’t blow up your day — or your relationship.

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