The Most Immature Ways To Respond To Being Dumped

May 23, 2016  |  
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Shutterstock.com/Yelling

Shutterstock.com/Yelling

The moments immediately after we are dumped are never our best moments. Those times in movies where people are dumped and go on to behave all noble and stoic—those don’t really happen. When you’re dumped, you’re overwhelmed by several emotions that you were not prepared for. And when we’re not prepared for a storm of emotions, we do not handle them well. We usually end up behaving petty, saying something desperate, lashing out in anger, or just in general acting very uncool. That’s okay. We’ve all been there. But it takes a special line of crazy to act really immature after being dumped. There are some actions you cannot blame on being overwhelmed by emotion. There are some actions that take planning, consideration, and a lot of crazy. Here are the most immature ways to respond to being dumped.

PiXXart / Shutterstock.com

PiXXart / Shutterstock.com

Live tweet it

As the guy dumps you, you have your phone out under the table, and you’re live-tweeting the whole thing. He’s thought out a considerate breakup speech, and you’re repeating it, and then critiquing it, for the world to see on Twitter.

 

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

 

Announce it to the entire restaurant

“Do you hear this everybody? THIS guy—yeah this one carrying a little extra weight around his neck—is dumping ME!”

 

 

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Shutterstock

Call him out on Facebook

Tag him in a long post about what an awful boyfriend he was. Detail every embarrassing thing you learned about him during the relationship and every fight that sheds an unflattering light on him.

 

 

 

Black business woman arguing/yelling on phone

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Cry to his mom about it

Call his mom and tell her not only that her son has made a huge mistake, but also tell her that you think he has a drinking problem. That should keep them both busy for a while.

 

 

 

Shutterstock.com

Shutterstock.com

Try to beat him to it

The moment you sense he is going to dump you, you blurt out, “I think we should break up!”

 

 

 

 

 

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Shutterstock

List everything you never liked about him

“Fine. I don’t care. You’ve gained weight. Your jokes aren’t that funny. Your business idea is terrible, and you make disgusting noises when you eat.”

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Shutterstock

Tell him who you’ll have sex with now

List off every guy he ever was jealous of, or suspected you found attractive and tell him you’ll be going to screw them now.

 

 

 

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Shutterstock

Tell him all the times you faked it

Tell him every time you faked an orgasm. Oh, and how terrible he is at oral. And how gross his penis tastes and how unattractive his climax face is.

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Scare off other women for him

Peek at his Facebook to see if he’s been chatting with other women. Then, find those women online and send them a list of his bad qualities.

 

Shutterstock.com/Menu

Shutterstock.com/Menu

Leave him with a massive check

Pretend to be going to the bathroom, go to the server and order $300 worth of items on the guy’s tab, and leave the restaurant.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Try to keep him with sex

In a desperate moment, attempt to keep him by taking your clothes off or starting a hand job under the table.

 

 

 

 

 

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Sabotage his work relationships

Send an anonymous email to his boss telling him every time your ex slacked off at work and every mean thing he ever said about his boss.

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Shutterstock

Try to sleep with his best friend

Seduce his best friend, brother, or whoever he values most.

 

 

 

 

Valentine's Day gifts/presents/flowers

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Take back all your gifts

Demand every gift you ever gave him back. Threaten to do any of the aforementioned things on this list if he doesn’t return them.

 

 

 

 

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Shutterstock

Post his naked pictures online

Post any and all nude pictures you have of him online, along with any extremely personal notes he ever wrote you.

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