So you have a new boo. Break out the champagne and call all your girls! Finally you’ve met someone you like, and more importantly, who seems to reciprocate the feeling. Unlike some of your last ‘situations’, you want to ensure that you’re not wasting time hoping for something to manifest out of nothing. Basically, you don’t want to wait around for a man who is either not interested in a commitment or not interested in you.
You don’t want to get serious about someone who isn’t serious about you, or worse, serious about someone else. Many times the signs are there, they just may be hidden behind the strong desire of wanting to be in a relationship or the serious energy put into trying to make Mr. Right out of someone who is Mr. All Wrong.
While every relationship is different, most are made up of similar components. There are no guidelines etched in stone when it comes to relationships, but there are things to consider when deciding if someone is in to for the long-haul.
There are things we should know and have experienced within the first month, three months, and couple of years. Consider the things listed in these phases if you’re asking yourself, ‘Where is this going?’
Of course these phases aren’t for the ‘friends with benefits’ or the ‘occasional flingers’.
One Month: The ‘Getting To Know You’ Phase
If you and your new boo have been talking consecutively, by now you should at least know the basics of who is he, what he does, and where he wants to go in life. Mainly, where does he work, or does he even have a job? If he doesn’t have a job, does he want one? Is he ambitious or way to laid back to take seriously?
And while you probably won’t have met his family unless he’s one of those types, you should know if he has siblings, was he raised in a two-parent home or if he’s a mama’s boy.
Simply put, the first month you should know the basics of who you’re dealing with. Most importantly, you should know if he has a girlfriend…or a wife!
In return, he should know these things about you. If he hasn’t bothered to inquire, he may not be interested. In which, you may want to consider this a red flag and take the situation a little less serious.
Three Months: The ‘I’m Really Feeling You Now’ Phase
Within the first three months if you and your boo have been consecutively dating, meaning talking and hanging out often, you should have an idea of how he feels about you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking it slow before getting in a relationship, in fact it’s actually advisable. However, you should know if he even wants a relationship. I am also prone to believe through conversations with many men, that he should know if he sees himself in a relationship with you.
Besides knowing the basics through conversation, the two of you should have experienced more of each other. Besides knowing where he lives, you should have actually seen his abode. Afterall, you want to ensure first that he actually has one; and secondly, and most importantly, that he lives there alone (minus a wife and kids).
Six Months: The “Where Is This Going” Phase
Dating someone for six months can be tricky. For instance, while you don’t have to be in a relationship just yet, you should both be sure you’re on the same page, or at least in the same chapter. If you’ve mentally decided that you want to be in a relationship with him, by six months you should have had the infamous talk…”Where is this going?”
By now if you’re seriously dating, his friends should know about you. If you meet his best friend and he looks at you as if you’re some random girl that was brought home from the club, it may be okay to feel uneasy. Men talk just as women do. If he hasn’t mentioned you to his closest friends, then you may not be dating as seriously as you thought.
Of course, everyone and every relationship is different; but if you haven’t even been worth a mention to his closest friends after six months, consider this a red flag.
One Year: The ‘Okay, Really…Where Is This Going? Phase
By now you should be in a relationship if it’s something that you really want. If you have dated without any “on and off” drama for an entire year, the two of you should be dating exclusively. You should have met his friends and family and even had serious conversations about the future…your future.
Unless you’re two high school kids who don’t need to be in a relationship or two adults who simply don’t want a relationship, within a year you should actually be in one. If not, that more serious talk of ‘Okay, really…where is this going?’ needs to be discussed. This is a critical phase, because if you’re not in a relationship, you should decide if you can live with the fact that the two of you may never be. It’s either stay or leave during this phase.
2 -3 Years: The “What’s Yours Is Mine’ Phase
Within two to three years, if you’re not married or exploring the idea of marriage, you may need to explore the idea of leaving. Of course if you haven’t tied the knot within the first three years, it doesn’t mean that you’re wasting your time. However, you should have at least had a conversation about marriage and spending your life together. Even better is if he’s put a ring on it!
The two of you should be partners sharing ideas, plans, and most of the other things that soon lead to marriage. During these years, everyone from family, friends, and co-workers should know that the two of you are a couple and some are even asking the question “When’s the wedding?”
Have you ever felt like you weren’t were you should be in a relationship? What did you do about it?
