8 Things Every Woman Fights With Her Mom About - Page 15
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Working for money or your passion
You’re working as a bartender while building up your business of building apps or being a DJ or making jewelry. Your mom will tell you every time work comes up that you should do something “more stable.” And you’ll become infuriated at the idea that she would rather you could pay your bills than be happy!
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How to deal
Your mom just wants to know that you’re happy and that you’re not hungry. If you tell her things are working fine for now, that you make enough money, and that you wake up happy every day, she can’t say much.
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Dating a man who doesn’t make money
Your mom will also give you a lot of grief if you’re not dating a doctor or somebody who works on Wall Street. That’s the funny thing about moms—most of them didn’t marry somebody just for the money, and they don’t really want you to do that, but they worry about your financial security. So, they can’t help but speak up if your significant other doesn’t make much money. And you want to scream WHAT ABOUT TRUE LOVE!?
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How to deal
Sometimes, you need to refresh your mother’s memory a little bit. She forgets that making a lot of money and building a career take time. She forgets that when she met your father, he was struggling, too. She also forgets that she was very much in love with him, so it didn’t matter that they couldn’t afford vacations or a big home.
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How much you drink
The second you order cocktail number two, your mom starts drilling you. Are you happy? Do you usually drink that much? Is there anything you need to get off of your chest?
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How to deal
It’s not a fun answer but, just don’t drink much around your mom. She doesn’t know that you get turnt up on the weekends and still manage to have a good career and keep money in the bank. And she doesn’t need to know. She’ll never be okay with the fact that you drink four martinis every Saturday. Don’t try to convince her it’s okay.
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How you decorate
If you don’t decorate your home, then your mom will go overboard with buying you paintings and potted plants and throw pillows. If you do decorate it, she’ll criticize the paintings and potted plants and throw pillows that you select. And for some reason, this will feel like she is criticizing who you are in your soul.
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How to deal
Jet let her buy you the things. Let her rearrange your paintings. You can put it all away when she leaves and put it all back the way she wants it when she returns. If she really overdoes it and tries to refurnish your whole place and paint it a new color, you may need to have the, “I’m an adult now and if you want us to have a relationship you’re going to have to show me some respect” talk. It’s awkward. But sometimes it has to happen.
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How you dress
If you dress conservatively, she is going to tell you that your outfit looks sad, and that you should dress a little more feminine, and that men don’t like women in gray pant suits, etc. If you dress up, you will always be showing too much cleavage for her taste.
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How to deal
Your mom has surely bought you plenty of clothes throughout your life. Organize those in a little suitcase somewhere and just wear those when you see her. Yeah—she’ll forget that she bought you that dress and she will criticize it. But when you remind her that she bought it for you, suddenly she’ll love it again. They’re moms. What can you do?
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Your diet
In your mom’s eyes, you will always either undereat or overeat. You’ll always be underweight or overweight. You are your mom’s Sistine chapel and, well, she wants perfection. Since perfection isn’t real, she will always say that your weight is a little bit off.
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How to deal
How long do you really visit her? A few days? A week maximum? Just eat what she eats during that time. You can lose or gain the weight when you get home again. She really just wants to see that you still need her. She used to breast feed you so, she will always feel that she has some ownership over your diet.
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How often you call/visit
In your mother’s opinion, there is no such thing as calling too often or visiting too frequently. No matter how much you do either of these things, it will never be enough. You will feel like you cannot win. When you leave her, she will tell you the visit was too short. When you hang up the phone, she will tell you the call was too short.
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How to deal
Just tell her that you miss her and if it were up to you that you’d talk and see each other all of the time. She doesn’t really want to talk on the phone all day or have you attached to her hip. She has a life too. She really just wants to hear that you miss her and that you’re not actively avoiding her.
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When you’re going to have children
There are few things more infuriating as a woman than being told you have to have kids now. It feels like someone is forcing a very outdated idea of what it means to be a “successful woman” onto you. It feels like people don’t appreciate everything else you do, all because you haven’t procreated. You will have that argument with your mom almost every time you visit. Especially if you have a significant other.
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How to deal
In this situation, less is more. Your instinct is to start telling your mom that you’re working on your career right now, that there is more to life than being a mother, that you can be happy without children. All this does is send your mom into panic mode thinking that you fully intend on never having children! On the flip side, you simply cannot promise her grandchildren next week. So smile and nod and say, “When the time is right.” Then ask her how that one friend of hers is—the one she loves to gossip about. She’ll forget all about grandbabies.
