Hola chicas! Dr. Phoenyx here again! And today’s discussion is about “getting that ring”- or more specifically, “are you ever going to get that ring?” Now I’m not knocking women that want to do the “Oprah thing,” but I know there are many of you that do desire the bliss of matrimony. And if marital bliss with your boo is the ultimate goal, then you need to start being realistic about where your relationship is truly headed- if anywhere at all.
I’m a die-hard romantic, but I’m also a realist. I’ve seen many cases of women who truly desire marriage, and do everything to satisfy their men, only to ultimately fall into the “wifey” trap. Now “wifey” may sound all cute and reassuring, but it’s bogus terminology invented by men that want to “claim” women without really claiming them. “Wifey” is just a glorified “girlfriend.” And it’s definitely not a “fiancé” or “wife.” You know, the chick that actually has a ring on her finger?
Now I never like being the bearer of bad news, but I love my fellow ladies too much to lie to them. That’s why I wanted to share a few signs that will let you know whether a guy is really taking your relationship seriously and in the direction of marriage- or just stringing you along.
Here are five ways to tell if he’s never, eva, eva, eva going to put a ring on it. Ok… maybe using “never, eva, eva, eva” is a bit harsh (I did say I’m realist ladies). But let me soften up a bit and allow my romantic side to close this out.
Yes ladies, there are always exceptions to the rule. He may put a ring on it after seven years of dating, six years of living together, five kids, and constant harassment on your part–but do you really have time to risk and possibly waste on that small glimmer of hope? Think about it. And while you do, check out this list! Here are 5 ways to tell if you are a future wife or forever wifey:
1. He Uses Lines Like “Let’s Wait For The Right Time”
Doesn’t “hey baby, we should wait for the right time” sound so responsible? I mean, it shows that he’s thoroughly thinking things through so the engagement and wedding goes as smoothly as possible. Right? Wrong! Sorry ladies- that line is usually a stall tactic. And here’s another line: “We’ll get there.” I’ve seen some of the smartest women fall for these lines. Ladies, be very suspect of a guy that gives vague statements like these when talking about marriage. If a man can’t/won’t commit to a time-frame for proposal/marriage, it’s because he doesn’t want to be committed to YOU.
2. He Suggests A “Trial Period” of Shacking Up
If a man tells you that you two need to live together before proposal/marriage, it’s because he’s trying to get all the benefits of marriage without being married. Basically, he’s trying to get the milk without buying the cow. Now, I’m not knocking all unmarried couples that live together. But I know tons of women with “trail periods” going on 3+ years- and still no ring. If he tells you he needs a “trial period” of shacking up to see if you’re the one, tell him you need a trial period of dating other men.
3. Knocks You Up But Won’t Propose
Most men do desire an intact family unit for their child/children. Men do like structure and security in their lives- and the family unit (i.e. husband, wife, and children) gives them that. So it should be a huge red flag if a man knows that you’ll be having his child (or worse yet, you already have children by him), but then he still doesn’t, at a bare minimum, even talk about putting a ring on it.
4. You’ve Never Met His Mother
Not meeting your man’s mother/parents is a sign that he hasn’t fully let you into his life. And if your guy has a good relationship with his parents, but you still haven’t met them after a reasonable time of dating him, then it’s obvious that introducing you to his family is not his top priority. This also applies to his friends. Men with marriage in mind usually want to show off their potential future wife. And being cut off from the people closest him is a sign that he doesn’t view you as the woman he’d want to spend the rest of his life with.
5. You Have Been Reduced to Begging
Man, this is definitely not a good look. Now you may rationalize that simply asking “kindly” over and over again is not begging- but it is. And even Stevie Wonder could see that the guy that makes you beg for anything isn’t the guy that truly desires to give you what you want. So why do you still desire him? If you’ve begged, are currently begging, or are thinking of begging-DON’T DO IT ANYMORE! Not only are you not going to get the ring- you’re also losing your self-respect. Face it. He’s not getting you a ring. So start preparing to move on…
Have a question/comment for Dr. Phoenyx? You can find her on Facebook, her blog, and Twitter. Dr. Phoenyx Austin is a writer, media personality, and physician- sharing her perspective and advice on relationships, culture and beauty.
