MadameNoire Featured Video

Does a man who seems to like you, actually like you if he doesn’t make a strong effort to call or text you?

Or how about this: How often should you hear from a person when you’ve just started dating and getting to know one another? And when you’re in a serious relationship, how do your phone and texting habits change?

That’s what I’m wondering after reading about a young woman who after five months of dating a guy, was feeling confused about the state of their situation. They liked each other a lot, according to her, and he wined and dined her and all that jazzy stuff. But the reality is that their busy schedules (more so his schedule based on her inquiry) only allowed them to see one another once a week. And while that sucked, what sucked even more for her was the fact that he didn’t really hit her phone up as often as she would have liked.

During a given week, she would hear his voice or obtain messages from him two or three times, that despite him telling her via both forms of communication that he missed her. And his communication, or lack thereof, was a problem for the pair in the past. When she first started briefly dating him, he had a habit of not reaching out that much. She assumed that he wasn’t feeling her, so she ceased all contact. He responded by pursuing her pretty hard and saying that he really liked her and wanted to get to know her better, he just struggles to make time for such exchanges. And yet, when they tried again, it was the same ol’, same ol’.

When the woman delivered her issue to the public for advice, some told her that maybe she should make an effort to reach out to him instead of sitting back and waiting for him to call. I mean, she did say that he’s an engineer with a super hectic schedule. Maybe he would like to talk more but just can’t?

Others said that he really isn’t feeling her. Because a person can’t say they like you a lot but be okay with going days without hearing from you five months into dating.

And then there were the folks who told her, “The man has multiple women.” To those individuals, that would be the only reason a guy would be so sporadic with his communication–he’s too busy juggling other possible love interests. And considering that the woman didn’t say anything about them being exclusive, if he truly were out here spreading himself thin on the dating scene, that wouldn’t be wrong…

There were so many possible explanations and forms of advice given to the woman. One minute people felt sorry for her, the next they snarled at her for not being supportive of his career moves. And while all that was entertaining, I did leave the thread wondering just how much communication is enough in a new dating relationship, and how much is enough in a serious, long-term relationship.

For instance, my fiancé and I are waaaaay out of the honeymoon phase of our relationship. And while we exchange a few messages during the workday, we usually only talk on the phone once each day, at the end of the night. It’s something we’ve done since we first started dating since he told me that he would like me to be the last voice he hears before he goes to bed (*swoons*). I might hit him up during the middle of the day when I have time, but it depends on my schedule. However, early on, like most new couples, we texted back and forth quite a bit.

So with that being said, in a new dating situation, I think both parties need to make a real effort to reach out to one another daily. In the beginning, there’s so much to learn about one another, and many things you can share for a laugh or just to show that you’re thinking about a person. Things shouldn’t get so stale so fast that you only hear from each other every once in a while during the week. And in this particular situation, it should have been made clear (by her telling him) after the first snafu that she’s a woman who values a lot of communication and that she would have liked for them to talk more than a few times during a week, even if they couldn’t see each other as often.

And I get that not everyone is a big chatty Cathy on the phone. Sometimes people aren’t comfortable trying to do all that on a daily basis and aren’t crazy about the pressure to come up with compelling conversations. I get that. But as someone in the thread pointed out, it literally takes nothing but a few seconds to send someone a message saying hello and asking how their day is going a few times during the day, or at least once a day. It lets them know that you’re on their mind and that you really are as interested as you claim to be. And in the early stages of a possible relationship, you have to step it up or step off…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. Is it petty to be bothered by how often you talk to or hear from a guy if everything else is going well? 

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN