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I mean, what can you say about Dick Gregory?

He is an activist. He is a prolific comedian. And he has given one of the best #StayWoke interviews I have ever heard on radio.

It all went down yesterday on Power 105.1’s The Breakfast Club where Gregory was there to…well, I’ll let Charlamagne tell it:

“Now let’s be clear about a few things: the OG Dick Gregory is 82 years old. He is like the OG great-grandfather, who don’t want to hear nothing you talking about. You don’t really interview Dick Gregory, you just sit back and let Dick Gregory talk. Now, we sat down with Dick Gregory for how long? About two hours. I mean, but it is Dick Gregory. You just don’t walk away from Dick Gregory when Dick Gregory is talking. Of course, we can’t play the entire two hours. I don’t know exactly what we’re playing…”

You can listen or watch the full interview here.

But for the sake of all of the folks on cheap mobile plans and with little battery life left, I have compiled a list of some of Gregory’s best scientificals, also known as his thoughts about life and his conspiracy theories, from the interview.

See these gems before the HOTEP turns them into a meme of Morpheus shaming women…

  • Dick Gregory’s message to Black people: “Run. I never thought I would see the day when I would pray to God that if I am born over again, I want to be a White man. And I’m super Black. Think about it: All the stuff that has happened to us and when we finally get a Black president, they get a behaved Negro. He don’t raise his voice, he has never called them a honky. Can you imagine how lucky they are?”
  • If Gregory were president, the first thing he would do is dig up the presidential rose garden and plant a watermelon patch instead. Oh, and there would be no more steak dinners, but rather, watermelon lunches.
  • How come Al Sharpton — the most powerful man in Black America — didn’t get invited to meet the Pope?
  • Gregory on Beyoncé’s “cousin’s” lauded booty: “The Catholic Church did not make up the word ‘booty.’ The word ‘booty’ came from pirates. The loot that they take is called ‘the booty.’ Let’s go get some booty. The Black man is the only one who calls his woman ‘The booty.’ Because we are pirates and she ain’t never been free. We the only man in the world that refers to our women, ‘She’s a strong sister.’ But call our car beautiful…”
  • He says 1.5 million Black men are missing and being sold illegally for spare parts on the black market. The reason: They are 10,000 times more valuable than women, which is why women don’t get shot in drive-by shootings.
  • Either that or those missing Black men are on another planet.
  • Alex Haley did not write Roots or The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Some White boy did. Google it.

    It takes 32 White boys to equal one Black man.

  • Gregory wants to know, where do those with albinism go after high school? They’re not in the army, or the navy. They are not in jail or on airplanes either. Heck, there are no funerals held for them. Where exactly do they go?
  • And speaking of things we’ve never seen before, Gregory has never seen a baby pigeon. And now that I think more about it, neither have I…
  • The term “honky” comes from the sound cars driven by White boys used to make outside of whorehouses.
  • Breast milk is poison. Something about women’s body’s allegedly being dirty, and something-something…
  • Bill Cosby was, in fact, going to buy NBC. It’s not a fact, though. Dick Gregory does not deal with facts. Facts are for White people.
  • Gregory does not talk while f**king.
  • A hurricane is the spirit of all the Black women angry about slavery.
  • Howard University was named after a thug punk White boy and Spelman University is named after Laura Spelman Rockefeller. Just in case that ever comes up on Jeopardy…

    “THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE GROUND!!!”

  • Dr. Ben Carson ain’t no damn brain surgeon. He wasn’t even in the room at the time.
  • Michael Jackson was killed at 2 o’clock in the morning with a laser by the CIA. All you have to do is Google it…
  • Ain’t no solutions.
  • Gregory on beauty: “When people say, ain’t no ugly children. Show me an ugly adult and we can trace that back to the crib.”
  • Gregory is not here for a snotty nose punk known as Cedric the Entertainer.
  • The patent number for the cure for AIDS and HIV is 464773. Keep that in your medicine cabinet next the ‘tussin.

And according to Playbill, John Legend is co-producing a theater production based on the life of Gregory. If you don’t believe me, Google it!

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