Does Being Marriage-Minded Make Dating More Complicated?
Wife material. I really don’t know how I feel about that term. Of course, I know what men mean when they use it. They’re referring to a woman they wouldn’t mind introducing to their family. A woman they would want to build a life with. A woman that they would trust to rear their children. She’s the kind of girl you stop playing games for because you know that losing her would be a huge mistake. I get it. However, I’ve grown to somewhat resent the concept in recent years because I find that many people, especially on social media, use it as a means to tell women what they should and shouldn’t be if they hope to be married someday. It’s used to shame us for having fun. It’s used to shame us for being sexually liberated. It’s also used to pit us against each other. None of this is okay, especially when in reality, there’s no one way to be a wife. Variety is the spice of life and when all is said and done, one’s “wifeability” is contingent upon who is looking to do the wifing.
Now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to briefly explore what it means to be a marriage-minded woman. A marriage-minded woman is typically someone who knows what she wants when it comes to love, and her end goal is marriage. She’s not looking to play nor is she up for being played with. Marriage ranks high on her list of priorities and in many cases, she won’t entertain a romantic interest if she’s sure that nothing serious or worthwhile will materialize from the courtship. With that said, dating as a married-minded woman can be equally challenging and rewarding.
Over the weekend, while trolling Facebook, I came across an old clip of Tamera Mowry discussing her dating struggles on an episode of “The Real”.
“I used to think that there was something wrong with me because guys just didn’t want to be with me. And later, I found out that it was because I was the ‘marrying type’ or ‘marriage material.’ It’s true. Sometimes guys aren’t ready for that. Sometimes, I think women mature quicker than men, and they just wanted to play. Then they saw me and they were like, ‘Oh no. I don’t want this right now.’ Then, once they all grew up and they were ready, there were all coming back around, and I was like, ‘Sorry! See ya! No thank you!'”
The comments section beneath the video clip were filled with young women who opened up about their dating struggles. Some started tagging their girlfriends and daughters. So many women could relate.
When you’re out here as a young, single woman finding a meaningful relationship can be a challenge. I can recall meeting a guy who I was really into while in my early, early twenties. Let’s call him “James.” James was a couple of years older than me, and after several dates, it became painfully evident that we wanted two different things. James wanted to play. I did not. By date five, James and I found ourselves having a very uncomfortable conversation that he actually initiated. He used a lot of analogies and metaphors. He also talked in circles quite a bit; however, in the end, his message was clear: James wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship.We enjoyed our last date, and then amicably parted ways.
Sure my feelings were a little hurt, but it’s a part of the game. When you’re sure of what you want, there will be times that you’ll have to stand firm on what you believe, and you’ll find yourself walking away from people you really like. And sometimes, it will hurt, especially on those nights when it seems like everyone has a date but you. On the flipside, a little bit of hurt now might be saving you from a world of heartache later. To me, you’re always better off when you can quickly assess a situation and make your exit if need be as opposed to sitting around and wasting years on someone who was never serious about you in the first place just for the sake of being up in some man’s face. Sure, being selective means that you’ll have fewer men in your dating pool to choose from, but it also means that you’ll be saving yourself quite a bit of grief. This isn’t to say that serious relationships don’t sometimes result in heartbreak. They do. Heartbreak is just one of the risks you take when you put your heart on the line. You know what they say, no risk, no reward. However, I see no benefit in any woman putting her heart on the line for a situation that she’s pretty sure she doesn’t want to be in. It just doesn’t make sense.
Whether or not this mindset makes dating more or less complicated is up to interpretation I suppose, but to me, sticking to your guns, holding fast to your values, and refusing to budge for some good game and a smile that will likely cause you nothing but grief later is always worth it. And when you meet that special guy who is serious and ready to treat you like a queen, you’ll thank yourself for being selective way back when.