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put you in your place

Source: Corbis

I keep stumbling across a particular sentiment and I want to see what you, our readers, have to say about it. Scrolling through Instagram, I saw it on Supa Cent’s page.

put you in your place

Source: Instagram

Supa, like so many other women, make statements like this all the time, saying that being “checked” or “put in your place” is even a sexual turn on.

Then last night, when I was watching “Married At First Sight” Sam, one of the women in the three marriages, when asked to describe her ideal man, said she was looking for a man who would be assertive, adhere to traditional gender roles and put her in her place if she needed it.

There it was… again. This “put you in your place” philosophy is so pervasive.

But there’s something about it that always makes me wince.

Put you in your place.

Does this remind anyone else of child being placed in a corner for timeout when they’ve been cutting up all day? There’s something disturbingly patriarchal about the notion that your man, your romantic partner, having to act as your father to scold you for getting out of line.

And who determines this so called place? Is it really something you have identified as your own or is it something society has conditioned women to accept? Is this place subordinate to your man or are you still his equal after he puts you in said place?

That’s the worst case scenario. In a healthy relationship someone “putting you in your place” could be them recognizing that you’re acting out of character, you’re doing something that you might regret tomorrow and they’re reminding you of who you are. There’s nothing wrong with that. Not only that, we should expect that from anyone we love and have a close relationship with, friends, family, boos etc.

I’m appreciative when people who know me, help me get back on track. It shows not only do they know me, they care about me.

But for some reason, I only hear women wanting to be “put in their place” by the men with whom they’re romantically involved.


I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that a lot of women seem to want to be “put in their place” after they’ve attempted to test their partners manhood.

For instance, with Sam on “Married At First Sight,” the notion that she wanted a man who was assertive and would put her in her place was utterly shocking considering she spent a majority of their honeymoon finding new ways to call her husband less than a man. The man was a “pu$$y,” “not a manly man,” a “b*tch,” you name it.

When he finally told her that these names were bothering him, something that you would think goes without explanation, she got mad at him saying that if he had a problem with the way she spoke to him, he should address it in the moment. Now, I’ll give her that. She has a point there. But you don’t have to be a relationship expert to know that your significant other doesn’t want to be made to feel less than with insulting descriptors.

I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to suggest that she was only doing this to get a rise out of him, a reaction. Putting her in her place would assert his manliness and maybe his dominance over her.

How romantic!

The idea is not new. There’s a meme for that too.


And you know, if it exists in a meme, it’s somebody’s truth.

We all know women who feel like the only way a man can prove that he loves her is him trying to assert his dominance over her.

I just don’t understand why that’s a thing. People talk about becoming one and my better half and all that but is that possible if a person is lording over you like more a parent instead of a partner.

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