The heterosexual among us will never know the anxiety, fear and anguish some people in the LGBT community feel when grappling with the decision to come out and reveal their sexuality. Though I could understand why Yusaf wouldn’t feel comfortable coming out, having a fiancé and 10 children, there was also a larger part of me that wondered why he just couldn’t be honest with himself and those near him.
Though he says otherwise, I’m convinced Mack’s decision to star in the adult film was less about falling on hard times and more about a way for him to finally live in his truth, even if he had to do it passively. There’s no doubt in my mind that Yusaf knew this video was going to make its rounds.
And while there might have been some weight lifted in his decision to finally be honest about his sexuality, the reaction from those closest to him weren’t always supportive, as he might have assumed.
In a recent interview with a Philadelphia Fox affiliate, Yusaf Mack talked about the hardest conversation he’s had in the two weeks since the tape was released.
He said it was the one he had with his 23-year-old daughter.
Mack says she said, “Kill yourself. You embarrass us.”
Then the interviewer asked him how he responded.
“I just threw the phone down and starting crying. I didn’t have no words, nothing to say. What could I say? ‘Who you talking to like that?!’ She’s got feelings. I’m her dad. All I could say was, “You’re right.” and threw the phone down.”
What makes the situation so tragic is that sometime in the past two weeks, it’s not clear if it was before or after this phone call with his daughter, Mack did think about killing himself. He called a couple of his friends and told them he was considering the feat. One of them came over, sat with him and eventually dissuaded him from the notion.
Today, he says all thoughts of suicide have passed.
“I’m free. I’m happy.”
Still, Mack, who says he’s known for the past eight years that he was gay, wishes he would have handled the situation differently, particularly with his fiancé, who was with for five years.
“I should have just come out and told her the truth and I’m sorry.”
Mack also had a message for his daughter and his other children.
“To all my kids, I’m sorry and I’m going to still be y’all father regardless, of what I am or who I am.”
I understand that Yusaf’s daughter is going through a helluva lot. Homosexuality aside, no child should have to deal with her father’s porno being the talk of the town. And I pray she hasn’t stumbled across it in any way. Still, despite her hurt, saying something like this to her father, represents the exact reason he kept his lifestyle a secret for so long. I don’t have to tell y’all that telling your father to kill himself is never ok, particularly when he was going through a challenging time in an attempt to be his truest self. Perhaps she didn’t know he was considering suicide but imagine the guilt she would have felt if he’d taken heed to her advice. Words are powerful and it’s a good thing Yusaf followed his friends encouraging ones rather than his daughters.
Hopefully, after she’s had some more time, Yusaf and his daughter will be able to make amends.
You can check out his full interview in the video below.