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Over the years, a goal of mine has been to strengthen my spirituality for my own peace of mind. While I’ve become very close to God, there are times when the disturbances of life can leave me stressed and feeling off balance — so off balance that I experience physical symptoms like tension in my back and chest. To release the stress, I exercise in the gym, attend aqua cycling classes, and, most importantly, I pray. But although prayer has and continues to work in my life, kundalini meditation has always intrigued me.

I was first introduced to the practice by Gabrielle Bernstein, a New York Times best-selling author and life coach. In many of her masterclasses, Bernstein would give beautiful speeches about not feeding the negative thoughts you have about yourself. As much as I enjoyed her masterclasses, I could never find myself doing the kundalini meditations afterward. I would become anxious, wondering what would Jesus think and how would others would view my Christian morale? In my head I would hear the cynical church auntie saying “Nothing but the blood of Jesus works” as I would close out of the online meditation sessions.

But when I turned 26 this summer I decided to revamp my life. I was tired of controlling friends, family that lacked boundaries, and worshiping God with ritualistic rules. I wanted more spiritual freedom and I desired to live life in a healthier, more mature way. As I began to craft a life that wasn’t susceptible to toxicity I felt more in tune to my own rhythm. The more engaged I was with living out my deepest desires, the more my life changed for the better. Opportunities or signs of good things to come were ushered into my focal viewpoint. As synchronicity would have it, Aqua Studio NY, where I take my aqua cycling classes offered a free meditation with Hari Kaur, a meditation teacher Gabrielle Bernstein mentioned often. I signed up immediately without any hesitation because Hari’s reputation preceded her name. Although I was excited to try Hari’s class, I became a bit anxious because I didn’t know what to expect. I knew there would be chanting in Sanskrit, the sacred language of Hindu, and I began to feel conflicted about worshiping God without Jesus being involved.  When the day of the meditation class arrived, a flood of thoughts entered my mind: “Why are you here?” “You’re a Christian! You’re going to go to hell for this!” “You’ll be chanting like Tina Turner and everyone will clown you!” But I had to check myself because if my Judeo-Christian God wasn’t feeling my interest in Hinduism, he would have struck me down a long time ago. After all, I have a tattoo of a Hindu Goddess’ name on my inner wrist. So, instead of allowing my fears to make me leave the class before it started, I decided to remain committed to trying something new. If I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to do it again.

When the session began, I observed who I would be meditating with. Some people seemed affable while others appeared to have a pole up their rear end.  I furthered questioned what I got myself into as I stared at my watch. It read 7:45 PM and meditation was scheduled to end at 8:30 PM. I thought, “Dag, that’s a long effing time.” As my impatience grew for the class to be over before it even began, the breathing exercises commenced. Already I realized I don’t breathe properly. In fact it was painful to breathe at a slower pace. Once that exercise was done, the class had to stretch and shake off the tension. While I shook my stress away, my back and neck cracked, loudly,  like they were being free of bondage. Suddenly, I felt lighter as I continued with the meditation exercises and chanting affirmations like, Humee Hum Brahm Hum (We are We. We are God). The chant represents how we need God in order to survive life and is a reminder that he is in everything we do. As I became more comfortable with chanting the affirmation, the cynical part of my mind gave in. Suddenly, my body felt incredibly free and I was floating on Cloud Nine. The world was mine again. The daily anger, annoyance, and fatigued I had accumulated since the month began dissipated. It was just me, chanting and letting miscellaneous worries go. And just like that, the class was over.

I looked at my watch and it was indeed 8:20 PM –the meditation ended faster than a Shonda Rhimes television show. Besides feeling liberated, I learned from other participants what kundalini meditation has done in their lives—whether it be communicating better with significant others or understanding a person’s behavior is not rooted in the cause and effect events but in their personal decisions. The people who had an insolent aura before the class started appeared more genuine and everyone had more energy. The kundalini meditation gave my body rest and allowed me to learn how to respond to life more gracefully, especially when the addiction to drama is at an all-time high.

Hari used the last ten minutes of the class to do Q&A and she then closed with this profound message: “Kundalini is the nerve of the soul, allowing you to be more sensitive and aware. Meditation helps you take the trash and tension of the body out. Claim your space, body, consciousness and happiness! Tell your mind, ‘Don’t mess me up.’ ”

Amen.

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