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“Preconceived notions are the locks on the door to wisdom.” – Mary Browne

A lot of times, when we’re in new relationships, we can start sabotaging them based on emotional turmoil we’ve struggled with in the past. Some of us assume that our partners will treat us the same way the individual before them did, and we fail to trust them fully because of it. When paranoia kicks in, we start taking actions we deem necessary to ease our mind, all because of unfair assumptions that were made. This cycle can go on and on, from one relationship to the next.

Many people may have good reason to prejudge a situation and approach their mate due to past incidents, but is it fair to do so? Of course not. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. But even I can admit that I have gone into situations with preconceived notions, and it ended up hurting my relationships. I finally realize, all these years later, how I ended up doing this.

For starters, I often listened to other people’s relationship woes and thought about how the same things could happen to me. With that in mind, I instantly started preparing myself for such struggles, such heartbreak. I also listened to opinions about my mate, and kept them in the back of my mind instead of flushing them out and focusing on how I felt about him. And the biggest issue, I realized, was that I repeatedly thought too deeply into a situation. It changed my perception of the person I was dating, and in turn, I altered my actions and feelings towards them. Of course, doing these things led to the demise of great connections, so I had to figure out a way to stop myself. Or else, I would never have a productive relationship. So I decided there were a few things I needed to keep in mind before I came to any conclusion of any kind about a guy too soon:

Always ask about a situation that’s on my mind. Doing this has made my dating life easier because letting my mate know what I think regarding our affairs has allowed us to communicate openly. It helped me get the facts straight from the horse’s mouth. And while I was getting my questions answered I made sure I listened to understand him, not just to respond.

The next decision I made was to stop overthinking! I decided to do this because I came to the conclusion that a man is going to do what he wants no matter what I think or do, so why should I rack my brain about him? This helped me to relax more. I stopped wasting valuable time and thoughts. I ceased being paranoid.

The last obvious thing I realized that I needed to do to stop my pattern of preconceived notions was to give my mate the benefit of the doubt. Often, when I was involved with someone, I would concoct different scenarios about them in my head because of my past experiences, and this was unfair. So I made up in my mind that I had to learn to let go of the past and go into every relationship with clear and positive thoughts, without any expectations or assumptions.

Jumping to conclusions is something most of us do. However, when we do this, we must be prepared for the consequences that can come along with doing so. Try your best to always have positive thoughts about your mate and your relationship, and when you begin to have mental doubts, don’t make them worse by keeping them in your head. Express them openly to your mate so your mind can be at ease, you can hear what they have to say, and you won’t ruin what could be your happily ever after.

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? a motivational speaker, and an advocate for single women who encourages them to live their best single life God’s way! Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.


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