If something you enjoy doing inadvertently makes your partner uncomfortable, would you stop? What if the thing that makes them feel awkward is the clothing you wear? Or in one woman’s case, the heels you slip on?
On top of answering relationship questions sent my way, I also like to check out dating and relationship forums online. In them, other women share the issues they’re having and receive advice from fellow lovestruck ladies. It helps me to keep an open mind on how to handle conflict. This week I found a YLF forum (You Look Fab). In it, a woman named Shannon was seeking advice on how to deal with her husband, who out of nowhere, told her that he doesn’t like her wearing heels when they go out together. According to her, he never used to feel this way:
“We are the same height, but when I wear heels I am significantly taller than him,” she said. “He never acted liked this bothered him until recently. I didn’t wear them as often when we were dating. The older I get the more I want to wear them. I think that’s just because I finally feel comfortable enough with myself to stand out.”
But the idea of her standing out seems to be an issue for her hubby. To him, he feels like a child walking alongside her. And while it was something he could get with when she wore such footwear now and then, it’s something he’s not comfortable with now that she’s feeling more assured. The bigger she grows in confidence and height through her heels, the smaller he appears and feels standing by her side.
Understandably, Shannon felt conflicted and asked the ladies in the forum what they would do. “Anybody else have this issue? Did you or will you stop wearing them if your husband/partner is feeling a bit insecure about it?”
And that’s the question I pose to you on this day. This situation is a unique one for me. I know more women (including fellow tallies) who feel more uncomfortable about wearing heels around a partner who is the same height as them, even when their spouse could care less. But insecurities and their effect on a relationship? I know a lot about that. If I was in this woman’s shoes (no pun intended), and I knew that my partner felt extremely uncomfortable about my penchant to wear heels around him, I might try and compromise. Maybe I wouldn’t wear the tallest platforms when we hang out, reaching for a smaller heel instead. Maybe I would switch it up and wear them during date nights once or twice a month. Or maybe, just maybe, I would ditch the heels when we have a date night and save them for outings with my girlfriends and work. But then again, I’m not like this woman. I don’t care for heels; not because they make me seem gargantuan, but because after just a few minutes of pacing around like a supermodel reject, my dogs start barking, and I’m begging, with my eyes, for someone’s seat on the train.
But in Shannon’s case, wearing the heels has brought her a great deal of confidence and happiness, and because of that, she shouldn’t be so quick to take them off. The idea of ridding yourself of the things that bring you joy and inner happiness to feed someone else’s ego is unfair. It’s like that saying about dimming your light so that someone else can shine. It also makes you wonder if he feels some way about her newfound love for heels because of other people’s comments? I had a boyfriend in college who I used to wear heels around sometimes, and at a party, one of his friends said I made him look “tiny.” But what I had to remember, and what Shannon and her husband should recognize too, is that other people’s opinions are their problem. You can’t please everyone, and individuals will always find a reason to crack jokes. Get their fake a** Chris Rock on. It doesn’t matter what you do or wear.
If she has found a comfort in heels that, in her words, allows her to “stand out,” her husband should be proud. It’s not like she’s found confidence in low-rise jeans with a thong exposed while paired with “boots with the fur.” They’re heels for goodness sake.
By reminding him that he has no reason to feel insecure, and that, as his wife, she’s more than happy to stand by his side (even if she’s towering over him), he should be able to pull it together and leave her to strut her stuff in her heels. They may be tall, but they’re not that deep…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Should Shannon try to find a way to compromise or does her husband need to get over himself and his insecurities?