Should You Throw Away Love Because A Man Doesn’t Fit Your Ideal Standards?

September 6, 2015  |  

When I began dating, I had a list of the types of men that I would so-called never date. This list included married men, men with children, men who didn’t get along with their mothers, men who didn’t believe in God, and the list goes on. However, as began to I approach my 30’s, I began to relax that list a bit and take a different approaching to dating. I began to venture outside of my bullet point list and dated men with children and men weren’t Christian but who believed in “something” greater than themselves. I figured if a good guy came in a package that wasn’t necessarily what I expected, I should still give him chance a because I could be missing out on something great. So, I adjusted my list.

Today, I’m married to a man who has been divorced before and has three kids. Talk about relaxing my standards, huh? When I broke the news to my mother about my new suitor, she wasn’t too thrilled, and I can’t say I blame her. I have a son and if he came to me saying he’d met a woman who was divorced with three kids by three different men, I’d probably react with a hesitant pause. Even still, with my son I am raising him to have keen judgment when it comes to people and comprehend that none of those things will matter in the end. But I’d be lying if I said people don’t judge others at all, even just a tiny bit. Although he was the exact opposite of everything I imagined I wanted, I couldn’t bring myself to say no when he proposed. Despite it all, I had already managed to fall in love with him–divorce, three kids and all.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having standards and not settling. However, there also is nothing wrong with marrying a man who is the total opposite of everything your friends, family or even you thought you’d end up with. It’s hard to imagine that a person could fall in love with someone who falls on their list of “don’ts” but it can happen. Everyone is different and that’s what makes our intimate relationships unique. But with that being said, there still has to be a line drawn in the sand somewhere. That’s where you have to pose some questions to yourself: What would make you not marry someone? Would you throw love away because you know you can’t raise a child with someone who is a Muslim per se? Or who has five ex wives? Should you ignore red flags in the face of love or would that be relationship suicide?

For some, the list of deal breakers gets longer as you get older simply because you experience more things you don’t want to be involved with. Also, with age, you have more time to sort through your issues and pretty much expect your potential partner to have done the same. Before I married my husband, I thought I knew myself and what I could and could not deal with – therefore I thought he’d never become my husband – until he did. I changed my mind and his love convinced me that maybe what I thought I knew was actually wrong all this time. I gave in. I simply couldn’t help it; I had to be true to myself.

Although I relaxed my list, I still kept a fair amount of my standards in tact. So, just how strict should we be?  While I see nothing wrong with being selective, I honestly am not sure if we are blocking our blessings by being so set in our ways. I can say that believe promptly weeding out undesirable suitors vastly improves the quality of the relationship once you find him. In my case, I drew a line, tested the waters, comfortably crossed it and have been happy ever since.

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