Life can be a little hard to navigate, especially when it comes to navigating the dating and relationship game. So it’s nice to have mother, sisters and friends to provide a listening ear and some advice. But if you’ve lived long enough, you’ve learned that advice can be problematic. Whether solicited or unexpected, given with the best intentions or with latent shadiness, advice can get you into trouble. Here are some pieces you should avoid like the plague.
1- You just have to Train Him
If you’re around anyone for long enough, you’ll influence that person. But train or change him? Naw. Unless he’s ready to change on his own, all of your carefully crafted speeches, complete with real life anecdotes and diagrams, your pouting and your full-blown arguments are not going to be effective. If a man has qualities you cannot tolerate long term, it’s time to make a serious decision and just be friends. Plus who wants a man who would allow you to train them. Can we say pushover?
2- Stay Together for the Kids
This is for those committed relationships, or not so committed relationships, and marriages that have produced children. If the relationship is done, don’t believe the false notion that you need to keep it together for the sake of the children. You think your children don’t notice the fact that you can’t stand the very sight of your husband? It’s not a good look for them. You don’t want their future relationships to be influenced by your dysfunction. Get out for you and for them.
3- Find him at Church
Nothing wrong with happening to find a man in church. But if you haven’t been to church since Easter of 1983, then you shouldn’t take your behind in there this Sunday, only with the intent to catch a man. There’s nothing worse than a thirsty woman in church. She’ll have on the shortest, tightest skirt, will jump up and do a “cute shout” out of context and spends the entire service scanning the left ring finger of every man in sight. Men who are serious about church will read your “catch a man” ploy pretty quickly…and will probably be turned off by it.
4- Dumb it Down
This is the worst piece of advice on this list. If you’re not stupid, why would you pretend to be simply to build a man’s ego? Most men, no most people, don’t want to spend their time in the company of idiots. If a man has to feel superior to you in every aspect, do you really want to live under these tyrannical conditions? It’s sick.
5- Let him tell you first
Whether it’s the “I really like you” moment or the “I love you” moment you don’t have to wait for a man to tell you first. If you’re certain you feel this, go ahead and share. Sure he might not feel the same way but such is the way of the world, love. Relationships are about vulnerability and taking risks. Gots ta keep it real or else you’ll burst waiting for him.
6- Don’t show him your _____ side yet
Yes that’s right girl, hide yourself. Keep the real you under wraps until the day after your wedding ceremony. Poppycock! While you shouldn’t tell a new boo about the time you peed on yourself during nap time, you will want to reveal all your quirks and perks-especially once you notice things are starting to get serious. Nobody wants to date or marry a façade. Authenticity wins out over phoniness every time. If this man can’t handle the real you– then it wasn’t fated.
7- Don’t “Do It” Until Date Number
Aaahh the numbers game. While you may want to set your own rules about your sexual excursions, you sure can’t live by anyone else’s. Sex should be about the two (or three) people involved. Living your life according to someone else’s nookie rule will have you feeling uncomfortable, either because you jumped in to soon or held out too long.
8- You have to Play Games
Really the entire post could have been summed up in this one category. But what fun would that have been? If you want a relationship to be successful and long lasting you’ll have to be real. There’s no other way. It may work out in the short term, but if you base a relationship on manipulation and trickery, your web of deception will eventually unravel.
