How Feminism is Ruining Your Love Life - Page 8

You could probably be married by now.

Engaged…

Or have a boyfriend.

Instead, you are complaining about no-good men, working your life away and nursing an affinity for self-pleasure.

Why?

Feminism.

Correction: misguided feminism.

Professionally, feminism has done wonders creating opportunities for women to flourish in the workplace. Many of us are entrepreneurs or climbing the ranks at a Fortune 500 company, inching closer to equal pay. Socially, we have gained complete control over our bodies. Thanks to birth control, sex doesn’t  guarantee nine months standing barefoot and pregnant. We have the option of planning for motherhood and limiting family size.

Though it has been a source for economic trajectory and independence, feminism has also taken a toll on our love lives. A surge of scorned baby-mamas, bitter divorcées and those plagued by daddy-issues propagate singlism and wear their “mule” title as a badge of honor.

Much of the abrasiveness, attitude and other testosterone-driven antics that run good men away are products of feminism gone wrong. And, it is to blame for many of the single, black female’s woes. Here’s how:

1.       False sense of sexual liberation.

Yes, you can have sex with whomever you want whenever and wherever you like. However, a double standard still remains and a ho is a ho is a ho—in the eyes of men. It’s not fair, but it’s true and the reason some women with a past find it hard to solidify a future. Liberation is an opportunity for regulation, not hyper-consumption. Women have to be smart and, sometimes, that means playing by the rules. Jesus will be back before it’s cool for a woman to break the five-finger rule.

2.       Disregard for gender roles.

Men are physically stronger than women and, mentally, they are programed to handle similar situations differently. It’s just that simple. Where women are weak men tend to be stronger and vice versa—each created to complement the other. Does that mean a woman shouldn’t run for president? No. What it does mean is that we should respect our position and take pride in being women. Femininity is warm, nurturing, discerning and genteel. Quite the opposite of the brash, hypersensitive, over-the-top-dot-com demeanor that defines black feminism. When gender roles are over-compromised, relationships are thrown off balance. How many women really want to be with a man who brings significantly less to the table financially? And, how many men are looking for a controlling woman with a reckless tongue? Exactly.

3.       Girlfriends first.

Sex and the City and Girlfriends are some of my favorite shows, but they’re fiction. Based on the real experiences of a few but still fiction. Sure, they taught us to embrace singleness and illustrated the happiness and support that comes from great girlfriends. And, that’s awesome. It was very necessary. But, friends are the reason some women are single. Whether it’s chronic single-to-chronic single advice, boyfriend-bashing or neediness, some of our girls are holding us back. While loyalty is very important, there comes a day when your man should slide into first place.

4.       Princess attitude.

Do you deserve to be courted? Yes. Should a man open doors and cover tabs? Yes; but, you should also be prepared to cook a meal or two and rub his back. Expecting something for nothing is childish. Relationships are a two-way street. It’s not just about you. Feminism has left some women feeling entitled to royal treatment.  If you want a guy to (not in the literal sense) bend over backwards for you, be willing to do the same for him.

5.       Independent woman syndrome.

If you act like a man you will be treated as such. Yes, modern women can do everything for themselves. We don’t need men for anything. But, we should still put them to work. Taking on all of the responsibility in relationships fosters laziness and complacency. Moving? Let him lift the heavy boxes. Money is tight? Help him find a second job. Why break nails, sweat out your perm and lose sleep when you don’t have to? If you’re lucky enough to meet a real man, let him take out the trash. The key is balance.

6.       Fear of disappointment.

The radical feminism of black women left to raise children alone is one of fear—fear that no relationship is forever, fear that all men eventually leave you…with nothing. For that reason, so many of us are guarded and frown at the thought of not working outside of the home. We keep secret stashes just in case because we are afraid to fully trust our mates. The absence of vulnerability limits intimacy. Falling in love is risky, which is an impossible feat for the faint of heart.