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Self-Love Lesson: How to Rock Your Self-Confidence at Work

Studies show that women are less confident than men in the work place. We are less likely to speak up for ourselves, less likely to ask for a promotion, and less likely to request a well-deserved raise.

It is not easy being a working mom. Whether you are in business with yourself or working for someone else, it is a tricky game. You are trying to balance playdates and PTA meetings with invoices and business meetings.

Add the self-confidence issue to the balance issue and it’s a powder keg of stress. We may look good and stiletto strut into the office with a lipsticked smile, but this doesn’t help our inner turmoil. In addition to these issues, many women feel like impostors. Savvy and confident on the outside, sweating and anxious on the inside.

Stop being the best kept secret at work. You deserve to shine in the workplace as much as anyone else. You are worthy of success. You have work to do. Work it!

Here are 9 ways for you to step into your own with self-confidence:

We know that you work hard – and this is your time to shine.

1. Know your stuff.

This one is easy for most of us. We were brought up being told that we need to be twice as good to get half as far. Take the positive part of that and know your stuff. Then maximize it by asking for the raise and new position when the opportunities arise. Better yet, no waiting, create the opportunities for yourself!

2. Push yourself.

Confidence is a muscle. If public speaking scares you and there is an opportunity to rep your company on a stage, throw your hat into the ring. Chances are you will rise to the occasion. Playing it safe will keep you in the same place. You will only become more confident if you bust through your comfort zone.

Bonus Tip: Don’t be afraid to sing your own praises. Stop letting folks take solo credit for your hard work.

3. Socialize outside of your group.

Do you eat with the same people every day? Catch up with the same folks to talk “Scandal” every week? Be bold and try sitting with the big dogs. Invite a superior to chat with you after work because you have some “new ideas to share.” Of course you want to do your homework first and make sure that when the spotlight is on you have something great to share. Go for it!

4. Body language it.

We are mind-body-spirit wholly integrated beings. Walk talk and you feel energetically bigger. Have your back straight with your head held high and a smile on your face. You will not only appear to be more confident, but you will feel it down to your bones.

Bonus Tip: If you feel insecure, go into the bathroom and throw your hands into the air. March around. Have fun with it. You will come back to your desk feeling happier and more confidence. It may sound weird, but it works!

5. Don’t confuse self-confidence with arrogance.

Some folks think that exuding confidence means looking down on others, feeling special, and having a self-important attitude. Wrong! Those behaviors make you look like you have an inferiority complex. An inferiority complex and a superiority complex come from the same place. Confidence is positive attractive energy. Arrogance is a repellent.

6. Be a leader not a shallow boss.

A leader is a team player who leads by example. Her strength comes from great team building and encouraging her teammates to shine. Someone who barks orders and is a taker vs a giver, is not a leader at all. Leaders are revered because they are loved and appreciated.

Bonus tip: Being liked is not your goal, however. Have strong boundaries in place.

7. Embrace your strengths.

No one is good at everything and that’s okay. Flex in the areas you’re good at and delegate the rest. Feel good about the skills you bring to the marketplace. If you need more skills, that’s easy. Acquire them.

8. Visualize “scary” situations.

If you need to make a presentation or have an uncomfortable conversation, use the power of visualization. Do what great Olympians and astronauts do. Run the race ahead of time. See the entire meeting in your head beforehand. Imagine the positive aftermath of the meeting.

Bonus Tip: Visualize everyone thanking and congratulating you for your great work.

9. Be a fear facer.

Some of us a fear facers and some of us are fear avoiders. You don’t have to be a daredevil but being more confident will require facing your fears. Make a list of 10 activities in life that scare you. Commit to doing 5 of them this year. Yes, this year!


Abiola Abrams is the author of the award-winning guide The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love and founder of, where she offers empowerment coaching.

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